Posted: 1/26/2004 5:37:35 PM EDT
|
Like many others of you out there, I'm a zombie and like to eat the brains of the living. Nothing hits the spot late at night like a cerebellum scraped from the skull of a live, screaming victim. Lately, however, some of the happy meals on legs have been shooting at me. Just the other day some guy blew off my lower leg with a shotgun before I could wrestle him to the ground and gut him. Last tuesday a young woman pumped seven rounds of .45 caliber hydrashoks into my chest before I could run her down. Luckily she bungled the reload on her 1911 or she might have put one into my brainpan. My question is, how are other Zombie-Americans handling this? I know we've all been doing the old routine of lurching from side to side with arms straight out for a long time. This has some benefit, since our heads move back and forth and make a more difficult target. But should we be taking other measures? Should we be using protective headgear? Will a GI helmet stop most rifle rounds, or is that good only for protection against handguns? And if the helmets cover our ears, will we still be able to hear the pleasant screams of the living as we consume their flesh? After all, that really does help the ambiance of a good brain feast. |
|
Quoted: just for the record what is the best round to cap a zombie with? Just hoping for some feedback from the metabolicaly challenged members [:D] mike I would suggest the biggest round that you have available, as they seem to travel in packs, and the blood splater might temorarily blind some of the others. |
|
Quoted: Like many others of you out there, I'm a zombie and like to eat the brains of the living. Nothing hits the spot late at night like a cerebellum scraped from the skull of a live, screaming victim. Lately, however, some of the happy meals on legs have been shooting at me. Just the other day some guy blew off my lower leg with a shotgun before I could wrestle him to the ground and gut him. Last tuesday a young woman pumped seven rounds of .45 caliber hydrashoks into my chest before I could run her down. Luckily she bungled the reload on her 1911 or she might have put one into my brainpan. My question is, how are other Zombie-Americans handling this? I know we've all been doing the old routine of lurching from side to side with arms straight out for a long time. This has some benefit, since our heads move back and forth and make a more difficult target. But should we be taking other measures? Should we be using protective headgear? Will a GI helmet stop most rifle rounds, or is that good only for protection against handguns? And if the helmets cover our ears, will we still be able to hear the pleasant screams of the living as we consume their flesh? After all, that really does help the ambiance of a good brain feast. I have moved my zombie family to England and the food is less threatening here. The kids love it too. |
|
Quoted: I have moved my zombie family to England and the food is less threatening here. The kids love it too. This raises an issue which often floats around this board just under the radar, and which I think ought to see the light of day. That is, just what the hell [b]is[/b] a Zombie? My brother-in-law appears on gross examination to be a zombie, but a board member who was kind enough to examine him under the guise of joining my family for the traditional St. Swithin's Day Feast last year told me, with utmost gravity, that he is just a crackhead. Yes, he lurches about; yes, he preys on productive citizens; yes, he smells like a chicken shit sachet, but the board member said "Not a zombie." Likewise my Granny. Not only does she exhibit nonverbalism, an impaired gait, and a truly vile odor, but I awoke one morning to find her gnawing on my skull! Nonetheless, my arfcom comrade said "Just old. Not a zombie." Given my rather appalling misperception regarding these two family members (each of whom was well known to me before their respective "transformations,") how do I protect myself? The last thing I need is to spend a dark, rainy night burning through a case of SS109, only to be greeted at sunrise by a deputy asking "Didn't you hear about the Elks' Club Spring Pancake Social and Moonlight Walk?" How do I know who is and who is not a threat, when zombie-style behavior/demeanor/aroma is in evidence? |
|
Quoted: Quoted: Like many others of you out there, I'm a zombie and like to eat the brains of the living. Nothing hits the spot late at night like a cerebellum scraped from the skull of a live, screaming victim. Lately, however, some of the happy meals on legs have been shooting at me. Just the other day some guy blew off my lower leg with a shotgun before I could wrestle him to the ground and gut him. Last tuesday a young woman pumped seven rounds of .45 caliber hydrashoks into my chest before I could run her down. Luckily she bungled the reload on her 1911 or she might have put one into my brainpan. My question is, how are other Zombie-Americans handling this? I know we've all been doing the old routine of lurching from side to side with arms straight out for a long time. This has some benefit, since our heads move back and forth and make a more difficult target. But should we be taking other measures? Should we be using protective headgear? Will a GI helmet stop most rifle rounds, or is that good only for protection against handguns? And if the helmets cover our ears, will we still be able to hear the pleasant screams of the living as we consume their flesh? After all, that really does help the ambiance of a good brain feast. I have moved my zombie family to England and the food is less threatening here. The kids love it too. Are younutz??? Did you see "28 Days" - Zombie heaven England was/is - er, whatever [abused] |
|
Quoted: just for the record what is the best round to cap a zombie with? Just hoping for some feedback from the metabolicaly challenged members [:D] mike Yes Mr. Zombie, as a fellow member of the ARFCOM family I can assure you that I will not shoot you or any of your immediate zombie relatives if you would be so kind as to give up the info. Think about it. You and yours will get immunity and we will be better armed to deal with those zombies that would compete against you for precious brains. I'd only ask that you refrain from eating any members of this board and their kin. I mean really, there are plenty of liberals and sheeple to go around anyway; and they don't have guns. Hell, we could even give you some good targets. That O'Donnell woman could feed hundreds of you. Just think about it is all I'm saying. |
|
As a Zombie too, (at least in the morning before caffeine), I think the best defense from two-legged Happy Meals is a good offense. Who says zombies can't use guns? I don't think there is a law against it.S ince live flesh is the best, I use a Ruger 10-22 to shoot the unarmed ones in the legs so I can catch up to them. On armed ones, I use a Taurus .38 and try to shoot the guns out of their hands. Seems to work very well. |