Ok, I have been gone for several long stretches before, and I know there is nothing better than seeing your loved ones, homes and pets...I know this.

But lets talk what would really knock your socks off.

Me? I would say it would be my home with a perfect yard, a Mariachi band playing the theme from Rocky, a red carpet, my kids and my wife standing in the doorway, my son holding an open box of cigars, my other son holding the cutter and the torch, my daughters holding a beer and my other daughter holding the Larue 'dillo, my wife in a robe greets me with a light kiss and wink and beef cooking on the grill.



You?

Shameless bump?

All the assholes who have been hitting on my wife for the years while I've been gone are all gathered in one place and my son brings me the bow I use to kill them.

Pretty much everything you said, except I would add a couple of midgets dressed as cowboys, with dual pistols riding around some miniature horses.

well....

Mom not crying and freaking out about me going into (at that point though it's more a case of being in) the military would be nice for a change

Dad not giving me shit about going into (or being in) the military and how it's a "stupid decision"

A couch with all of the TV show's I like that I've missed

A laser pointer and a can of cat treats so I can play with my 5 (more likely 4 by that point ) cats

It would involve Jessica Alba, Emmanuelle Chriqui and Alizee.

Jessica would be holding a couple of bottles of Patron, EC would have a couple of 8 balls of blow and Alizee would be dancing around with a plate of Viagra.

48 hours later I would be dead.