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Posted: 3/10/2014 3:14:16 PM EDT
I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .

"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"

I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.

I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD HELP

What would you say ? ?

IN for the LUZ as well
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:17:31 PM EDT
[#1]
" I am a very private person. I do not share my feelings or things about myself with coworkers ."

 
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:18:50 PM EDT
[#2]
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:09 PM EDT
[#3]
"I'd like to share with all of you something about me that nobody knows, but on the advice of HR, I will not be doing so."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:17 PM EDT
[#4]
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:19:19 PM EDT
[#5]
'After the incident several years ago, I know what gets massive amounts of blood out of carpets and off walls."

Come on man, you gotta have fun with this stuff!
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:00 PM EDT
[#6]
Make up some crazy BS?
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:17 PM EDT
[#7]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
" I am a very private person. I do not share my feelings or thing about myself with coworkers ."
View Quote


That's good to know. I go to work for the purpose of working. What I do on my own time is none of their business.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:31 PM EDT
[#8]
My left nut is ten times the size of the right! Ain't that somethin?

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:36 PM EDT
[#9]
"I've had sex with at least two people sitting in this room".
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:20:44 PM EDT
[#10]
Quoted:
I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .

"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"

I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.

I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD HELP

What would you say ? ?

IN for the LUZ as well
View Quote


"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:19 PM EDT
[#11]
"I can go from flaccid to ejaculation in under one minute."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:32 PM EDT
[#12]
I have a 9 inch penis and can last for hours in the sack.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:34 PM EDT
[#13]
Tell them back in college while working as a janitor you discovered you had this ability to discover really difficult math problems just by glancing at them.

If they don't believe you then tell them about a crazy situation you and a co-worker had with your former boss Bernie when you were invited to spend the weekend.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:21:37 PM EDT
[#14]
"I have never been convicted of manslaughter."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:22:05 PM EDT
[#15]

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



Quoted:

I have a mandatory meeting to attend, a memo was sent out ahead of time the ice breaker/ TEAM building exorcise is . . . .



"SHARE something about yourself that nobody knows"



I don't want to offend them too badly, my wife says I'm TOO blunt.



I KNOW there are some real word smiths here, both GOOD and BAD HELP



What would you say ? ?



IN for the LUZ as well




"I once ran over a neighbor kid. I buried him out in the forest."


...over a nosy coworker. I buried....



 
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:22:15 PM EDT
[#16]
"Well, I didn't actually attend public schools until junior high, when I got out of reform school after that innocent misunderstanding in pre-school that they blew all out of proportion...."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:23:07 PM EDT
[#17]
"I once went on a business trip to a foreign country with a coworker. He got way too drunk, and I couldn't find him in the morning before our flight, so I left him there."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:23:39 PM EDT
[#18]
"Most of you don't know this, but I'm socially awkward and don't relate well with 99% of people."

They will probably say that they already knew that after all.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:24:20 PM EDT
[#19]
" I have a deviated urethra "
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:25:04 PM EDT
[#20]
Good time to come out of the closet.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:25:35 PM EDT
[#21]
Tell them that you think about them outside of the office and the thoughts are sexual in nature.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:26:48 PM EDT
[#22]
Tell them you are really into Japanese bondage porn.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:27:12 PM EDT
[#23]
tell them you can read minds. When they tell their thing, you can say "I knew that"
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:28:57 PM EDT
[#24]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
" I have a deviated narrow urethra "
View Quote

Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:29:34 PM EDT
[#25]
"I have one rule, never talk about fight club"
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:17 PM EDT
[#26]
I love guns and hate liars, meeting over.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:26 PM EDT
[#27]
Just make something up, like everyone else is going to.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:30:47 PM EDT
[#28]
Tell them you are completely hairless. Other than your head if that applies
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:31:17 PM EDT
[#29]
fired from your first job for killing too many of the managers.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:31:24 PM EDT
[#30]
everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:32:14 PM EDT
[#31]
The records are not only sealed, they are classified.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:32:27 PM EDT
[#32]
Tell them that you have a wart on your ballsack that looks a lot like a hung over John Rhys-Davies.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:36 PM EDT
[#33]
Recite the Dr Evil speech about his child hood.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTJj4wbmAhk
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:37 PM EDT
[#34]
This one time at band camp
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:33:57 PM EDT
[#35]
"I was born a poor black child . . ."

Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:34:30 PM EDT
[#36]

We did this once and I said, ' I sniffed Elizabeth Taylor's motorcycle seat.'



TRUTH!

Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:33 PM EDT
[#37]
The coffee contains cat urine.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:36 PM EDT
[#38]
What field are you in?

That would help formulate a response IMO.

Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:36:53 PM EDT
[#39]
Tell them you rarely wear underwear but when u do, it's usually mesh or something else really erotic.

Eta: or, you could eat some pickled eggs,  broccoli,  whatever gives you the worst gas then proclaim that group settings give you nervous flatulence.   Tell them it's a sickness and not to judge you as you let a few rip.  Might get you out of any future meetings.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:24 PM EDT
[#40]
"I'm in the witness protection program and if this goes beyond this room you could all be in danger."
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:40 PM EDT
[#41]
I once worked at a place like take and didn't answer, they also tried to sing some queer company song during the morning meetings to get people excited for the day

After not participating I was pulled to the side by my supervisor and his boss and told me that they didn't think I was a team player and needed to change my ways.

I asked if I did not help others when needed and did I not stay late to cover others or finish projects and so on, they told me yes I do do that but they are not seeing a good team player attitude.

Told them I didn't need to sing a stupid fucking song or tell my coworkers secretes about my life and if they don't like it then they can fire me but I want it in writing that the reason is that I wouldn't sing or tell about my life, they just looked shocked and told me to go back to work.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:37:57 PM EDT
[#42]
we had one of those where in we were supposed to tell the group something about our background to show that we all had different upbringings and traditions



i said "I'm an over educated, Pennsylvania redneck"



Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:38:18 PM EDT
[#43]
One thing I forgot to add, I have known most of them , since we were kids, 30-40 years, so . . . . .

there's not MUCH they don't already know, good or bad, that I would put out there.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:39:44 PM EDT
[#44]
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:33 PM EDT
[#45]
Tell you like to masterbate until it bleeds.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:41 PM EDT
[#46]
I've thought about each and every one of you while masturbating.  Fire me and I'll sue.
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:40:56 PM EDT
[#47]
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:42:43 PM EDT
[#48]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I once worked at a place like take and didn't answer, they also tried to sing some queer company song during the morning meetings to get people excited for the day

After not participating I was pulled to the side by my supervisor and his boss and told me that they didn't think I was a team player and needed to change my ways.

I asked if I did not help others when needed and did I not stay late to cover others or finish projects and so on, they told me yes I do do that but they are not seeing a good team player attitude.

Told them I didn't need to sing a stupid fucking song or tell my coworkers secretes about my life and if they don't like it then they can fire me but I want it in writing that the reason is that I wouldn't sing or tell about my life, they just looked shocked and told me to go back to work.
View Quote





Right on...
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:43:51 PM EDT
[#49]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
One thing I forgot to add, I have known most of them , since we were kids, 30-40 years, so . . . . .

there's not MUCH they don't already know, good or bad, that I would put out there.
View Quote



Brag a bit. Tell them your wife calls you dirk diggler
Link Posted: 3/10/2014 3:45:25 PM EDT
[#50]
Be all like




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