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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/4/2005 12:13:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/4/2005 12:15:43 PM EDT by JSteensen]
OK, first some background.

This girl is my ex, my only serious relationship Ive held down for more than six months. We broke up about three years ago, and only started talking again about a year ago. Ive known this girl since I was 4, and we started dating senior year of high school, and broke up freshman year of college. (Yes, we were at the same school) So I go home after boot for leave, and Im hanging out with her a bunch, one thing leads to another, end up in a tent together on a random mountain, having some alone time....she tells me she loves me, yadda yadda yadda. Fast forward three months (with me talking to her on the phone and online at least every night)...I ask her if she want's to make things official again, she tells me shes not ready for another relationship yet, so shes not gonna say yes, and shes not gonna say no. Her previous relationship ended just about 2 months before I came home on leave. (He was very physically abusive, put her head through the glass of a mini-van. Kinda guy you whoop his ass just on principle.)

So, I see this means one of two things: A)She's just not ready for a relationship yet. B) She's not ready for a relationship - with me, but doesn't want to stress me out any worse than than the job does.

I'll be honest - I still love this girl, and did even after our breakup. - it was a pretty bad breakup too, lots of things said on both sides, that really didn't need to be said/done.

So, against my better judgement, I throw my personal life to the man-eating (woman-hating? ) sharks of ARFCOM.

EDIT: I guess this is just sematics - what can I do from half the planet away about it?
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:18:33 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:21:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Paul:
Date her casually for a few months. Don't do something stupid like get her knocked up.




Good advice. Don't get to into it, prepare to eat your own guts.

You're back from boot camp, probably in pretty good shape, and wearing a uniform. You can get laid. I can assure you she is.

You'd do better if you had a Marine uniform though.
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:23:54 PM EDT
Reinforcing my core philosophy that men crave sex so much that they will put up with women. That is all I am qualified to say.



"Und vat vas your relationship vith your guppie?"
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:27:56 PM EDT
I think she could be stringing you along.

It could end up one of two ways....

1. You keep it laid back, don't change much of what you're doing now. She comes around and decides you're the right guy, and things blossom.

2. You keep it laid back, don't change much of what you're doing now. She meets some other guy, says you're a great friend. You get the shaft, while some other guy is bonking her. Chances are she'll end up breaking up with that guy, and coming to cry on your shoulder again.
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:38:39 PM EDT
Don't torture yourself....time to move on and forget this.... one thing Forest Gumps mother DIDN'T tell him but my mom DID tell me was ...... "women are like buses...wait a few minutes and another one will come along"...................... Move on and forget this one...
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:43:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Matthew_Q:
I think she could be stringing you along.

It could end up one of two ways....

1. You keep it laid back, don't change much of what you're doing now. She comes around and decides you're the right guy, and things blossom. The only thing blossoming is what that other guy has for her now. That's why she ain't hooking up with our little ARFCOM Cassanova here. When he finds out for sure, it's gonna break his little heart.

2. You keep it laid back, don't change much of what you're doing now. She meets some other guy, says you're a great friend. You get the shaft, while some other guy is bonking her. Chances are she'll end up breaking up with that guy, and coming to cry on your shoulder again.

Link Posted: 9/4/2005 12:49:51 PM EDT
Get laid, just be smart about it. No big commitment and damn sure don't get her pregnant. With that in mind is she rational/stable? Abuse tends to have lingering effects especially if she stayed in a relationship with ongoing abuse. Many wemon have a problem being completely honest this is probably the case from what you said. Enjoy it while it lasts, but iy does not seem from what you say she wants a commitment.
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 2:57:55 PM EDT
Should i mention...I'm still a virgin? (yeah, yeah, yeah....out here with my ass on the line...and havent even gotten a good solid piece of ass that wasn't named righty or lefty.)

Link Posted: 9/4/2005 4:35:01 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/4/2005 4:38:13 PM EDT by Ustulina]
This appears to be a low percentage relationship. There are a lot of women out there your age, a minority of which are suitable for you. Your mission is to find some of those suitable women and avoid the trash. You have made an offer, and she will not commit. She now has you hanging unless you take other actions, which you should.

There is a 95% chance that 10 years from now you will look back on this woman and either not remember exactly who she was, or you will say "well that sure didn't work out."

Maybe that 5% chance of success is worth effort, but I doubt it.

Go out and get some more mileage and experience.

If she is putting out for someone else, but not you, you better rethink "I love her," or you are a chump.

Be nice and be good.

Link Posted: 9/4/2005 4:36:44 PM EDT
I would add: Learn German and hang out with some German gals. They have issues like the rest of people, but some are fun to hang out with. Take a trip to Karlsruhe.

Link Posted: 9/4/2005 5:44:36 PM EDT
What did you do when you had her in the tent? Damn.
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 7:02:46 PM EDT
Women's minds......ain't that kinda like one of those "jumbo shrimp" deals??
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 7:09:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 10mmFan:
Women's minds......ain't that kinda like one of those "jumbo shrimp" deals??



Link Posted: 9/4/2005 7:54:16 PM EDT
Your Familiar , Your Comfortable , Your Rebound ......

Her telling you that she’s " Not Ready " Is woman speak
for " You're Not what I Really Want " .

You don't say who dumped who the first time , but
I'm betting it was her idea . If that's the case you're
only setting yourself up to get your heart ripped out
again .

Sorry to say it , but it's time to suck it up and move on .
If she decides that she does want you after all . She will
make the move .
Link Posted: 9/4/2005 7:57:10 PM EDT
This will be impossible to decide without pics
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 12:28:16 AM EDT
lol, don't got any on this computer. The 95% chance of not remembering her....is closer to about 2% and that would require numerous blows to my head. Like I said, I've known this girl since I was 4. lol.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 12:34:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JSteensen:
lol, don't got any on this computer. The 95% chance of not remembering her....is closer to about 2% and that would require numerous blows to my head. Like I said, I've known this girl since I was 4. lol.




She would rather you be the guy she's known since she was 4 so there's no problem when she gets nailed by everyone else.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 1:24:19 AM EDT
Let's see...


You were in a 'serious relationship' with this woman from senior year in HS to freshman year of college but you did not get nookie.

One leave you hung out with her a bunch, ended up alone in a tent with her some lonely mountain at which point she says she loves you but you did not get nookie.

Three months after that event you've been talking with her on the phone or online every night (did you pay for these calls or did she?), you ask her to make it 'official' and she gives you some song and dance. Presumable this was because she just got out of a relationship prior to you showing up on leave?



My assessment is choice


C) She's not ready for a relationship - with you - ever, because you are firmly on the 'friend' ladder at this point and you are her emotional tampon. You are the safe guy friend whose shoulder she can cry on about everything under the sun and she doesn't want to lose her emotional tampon by alienating you.



I say you cut her loose, or at the max maintain a distant friendship with her. Go out and bang one of the locals. You're an MP... you've got handcuffs, use 'em.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 1:28:55 AM EDT
Sounds like she sees you as an option. I'd hold out and just hang with her for 6 months and see what her deal is.

Never make a person a priority to you when they only see you as and option.

Link Posted: 9/5/2005 1:41:13 AM EDT
.. and then at the end of 6 months, our young MP friend will most likely still be a virgin, whether that is his choice or not.

Although he does not apparently realize it, life is very short and he will be 40 in the not too distant future, and then it will be time for an accounting.

Best wishes.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 1:50:39 AM EDT
For the record, being a virgin is still by my choice...kind of a challenging stgandard to hold yourself to at some of these German clubs :-P
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 1:59:37 AM EDT
So I guess this means that while you are saving yourself for something, your prospective girlfriend (in your mind at least) is getting her head stuck through a window by her boyfriend.

At the very least, hanging out with losers demonstrates rather poor judgement on her part. Why exactly do you want to be associated with someone who exercises poor judgement.

What makes a girl who holds out on you, goes out with scumbags and then holds out on you again preferable to a girl who is straight up "yes" or "no" with you and who does not get herself thrown through a moonroof.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 2:05:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ustulina:
What makes a girl who holds out on you, goes out with scumbags and then holds out on you again preferable to a girl who is straight up "yes" or "no" with you and who does not get herself thrown through a moonroof.




Twitterpation.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 2:11:41 AM EDT
so basically, he is infatuated with some chick who will most likely never be his girlfriend, who gets thrown through auto glass and who will also be ageing bag in, at the most 25 years. In the meantime, he gets to miss out on the 1.25 billion eligeable females because he cannot see past the tip of his nose.

I realize that romance does not always make sense, but this seems especially Quixotic.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 11:44:42 AM EDT
OK. Gonna see what happens in the next week...and then gonna call her up and ask her some rather direct questions.

Not sure wether to approach this delicatly or not....usually delicatly for me, against all intents and attempts, seems to be equivilent to a 20 pound sledge to a crystal teacup....then placing those fragments in a block of C4 and detonating it.

Should be humorous to say the least.

John
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 12:01:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JSteensen:
For the record, being a virgin is still by my choice...



I don't see how that matters in any of this.

Protect yourself emotionally and financially.
Link Posted: 9/5/2005 12:18:36 PM EDT
Being a chyck who has been in the girl's place before... I have to say I agree with most of the guys that are saying, that you are familiar ground and she is probably just using you. But, there is the chance that she is just confused and wants to see how things go between you. I would give the chances as 70-30 percent.

If she wants to see other people, make sure that YOU SEE OTHER PPL TOO. Went you aren't together, treat her like a best friend, tell her about the girl you met at the fountain in a park. She how she reacts, see if she even cares. It's a good tell.
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