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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 12/15/2005 6:16:28 PM EDT
I'm not looking for a relationship right now.

TRANSLATED: I don't want a relationship WITH YOU. Don't even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I am saying that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.

I don't think of you in 'that' way.

My goodness, are you ugly and a sexual dud!

I think of you as a brother!

-OR-

You remind me of my brother!

I would consider sex with you to be incest.

The kids were bad today.

Obviously, your genes are defective!

We were both wrong.

But you were more wrong!

This recipe didn't turn out how I expected.

I burned dinner.

Try and complain. I DARE you.

You don't listen to me!

You don't listen to me!

Honey, I HATE to interrupt...

As if you were doing anything more important.

Have you had time to...

Stop what you're doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!

When you get a chance...

Do this immediately!

I hate to nag but...

I want you to get off the couch now!

Of course I don't mind paying for myself.

Cheap date!

Let's not rush things.

I have other prospects.

I'm not ready to settle down.

I sure as heck don't want to settle down with YOU!

I enjoy the single life!

I enjoy not being with YOU!

I need more space!

You're becoming undesirable and unattractive.

I'm focusing on my 'career'.

My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious yet more exciting then you'll ever be.

Let's just give it some time.

You're not high on my rating list. You're good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn't show up.

I like you, but...

I don't like you at all.

You're not the type of guy I'd date, you're the type of guy I'd marry!

You're sexually a dud. You're not fun to be with. But you are... 'nice'.

Let's Just Be Friends

You'll never see me naked! I'm not attracted to you.

I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!

Honesty is very important to me.

Only tell me what I want to hear.

I only like you as a friend.

I'm not attracted to you.

You're so manly.

Shave, bathe, discover a thing called S-O-A-P.

Let me check my schedule to see if I'm doing anything.

I have plans. WE do not.

We need...

I want...

Can you call me back? I need to...

I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day!

How about you give me YOUR number.

I'll add it to my trophy collection of guy's phone numbers - pathetic guys who want me but I don't want them!

I'm not upset...

I'm upset.

Do you love me?

I'm going to ask you for something expensive...

I love men who take charge...

Pay the bill, you chump!

I'm not that type of girl.

Keep trying.

Don't touch me there!

Touch me there, but I'll stop you a few times first.

Will you respect me in the morning?

You won't tell your friends, right?

I'm not looking for anyone.

I'm not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.

We need to talk...

I need to complain!

We have an off and on relationship.

I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.

Let me think about it

No



Link Posted: 12/15/2005 6:22:22 PM EDT
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."


Everything
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 6:25:12 PM EDT
ever so tagged.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 6:25:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx:
I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!



Link Posted: 12/15/2005 6:26:19 PM EDT
You don't think I'm easy or a slut do you ?

= I do this all the time, I regret it, I think I'm a whore, but I want you to tell me that I am not.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:00:42 PM EDT
I don’t want a boyfriend now.

I don’t want YOU as my boyfriend.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:03:29 PM EDT
I don't want anything for my birthday
You don't have to clean out Tiffany's
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:04:56 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:07:02 PM EDT
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:07:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pathfinder74:
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.



Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:11:15 PM EDT
I can verify through my own experince that the majority of them are 100% correct
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:12:20 PM EDT
"How much do you love me?" TRANSL: "I backed into a cop car today......"

"I've been waiting for you." TRANSL: "Where the fuck have you been? Get over here NOW!"

"Go ahead." TRANSL: "Don't you dare....."

"Your paycheck." TRANSL: "OUR money...."

"Her paycheck" TRANSL: "HER money."

Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:15:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By raven:
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."


Everything



+1
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:15:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2005 7:17:17 PM EDT by Rick_Lind]
"That's Interesting."

I don't like it.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:15:59 PM EDT
taggaroo
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:23:29 PM EDT
"Why are you mad?"
"If you don't know, then I'm not telling you."
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:33:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2005 7:35:11 PM EDT by Spade]
I wasn't sure if you wanted to go to dinner as a friend or something else...

Translates to: I couldn't come up with a good excuse, so I stood you up and hoped you wouldn't call back.


That one annoyed me.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:48:41 PM EDT
I am not a "high maintenance" woman = I am a very high maintenance woman, but (I don't get it and) I do not want you to think so.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 7:56:49 PM EDT
"You should consider my body as a "gift""



I'm a re-gifter, so what?
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 8:08:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mojo_Jojo:
I am not a "high maintenance" woman = I am a very high maintenance woman, but (I don't get it and) I do not want you to think so.



It means "I'm a princess and everything I want or need you should provide for me before I realize I want and need it." When will guys get this right?
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 8:14:16 PM EDT
tagged
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 8:22:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2005 8:29:39 PM EDT by swingset]
"Do you still love me?"

Even tho I've given you 8,000 reasons not to, I'm hoping the trance of my vagina will overcome this.

"I don't mind if you have your own life"

Providing I control where you go, who with, and how much money you spend.

"You're the best lover I've ever had"

You're the 6th best lover I've ever had.

"I don't care where we eat/what movie we see/where we go"

I care plenty, but I'm not ready to unleash the sourpuss, no fun windbag until we're good and married.

"I'm not really hungry"

I'd eat the ass out of a dead horse, but I'm afraid of looking like a glutinous cow.

"I'm just shy about that"

You're not tripping my trigger enough, the last guy I dated had me swinging from a Chinese basket in 3 dates.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 8:26:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
"

"I'm not really hungry"

I'd eat the ass out of a dead horse, but I'm afraid of looking like a glutounous cow.




Winna!!!
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 8:57:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx:

Originally Posted By pathfinder74:
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.




Link Posted: 12/15/2005 10:09:59 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 10:27:39 PM EDT
Well, it looks the same as all your other guns.

NO, I am not interested in your new rifle.
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 11:06:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2005 11:30:59 PM EDT by Roland_O_Gilead]
[baleeted]
Link Posted: 12/15/2005 11:24:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 1:18:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pathfinder74:
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.



OMG! you are a genius!
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 1:45:00 AM EDT
You know, at least when strippers say shit to you there's no question it's for the money and for no other reason. $10 you're handsome and for another $10 you can upgrade to pretty eyes...and for another $10 you can have the biggest cock she's never seen.

Lying bitches telling guys what they want to hear so they can get in their pants...to steal their wallet.

Strippers are the most honest females I've ever met--they do what they do for money, and there's no question about it. If you don't know that you're stupid or deluded.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 3:28:22 AM EDT
I once knew a girl who wasn't the least bit shy about telling you

"I don't want to change your life (snort), but remember that what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too."

She was only slightly kidding about that.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 3:46:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By RED_5:

Originally Posted By pathfinder74:
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.



OMG! you are a genius!



And a Trekker.
My favorite from the list is:
"The kids were bad today."
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 4:06:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By Mojo_Jojo:
I am not a "high maintenance" woman = I am a very high maintenance woman, but (I don't get it and) I do not want you to think so.



It means "I'm a princess and everything I want or need you should provide for me before I realize I want and need it." When will guys get this right?



Very true... fullclip
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:59:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
"Do you still love me?"

Even tho I've given you 8,000 reasons not to, I'm hoping the trance of my vagina will overcome this.





Vagina slave!

Vagina slave!
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 10:22:44 AM EDT
why, oh why, did this have to be the last thread i found before leaving for work?

tagged (with extreme prejudice) for later.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 10:30:52 AM EDT
We need to (insert task)

translation: You need to (insert task)
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 10:33:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By kingfish:
We need to (insert task)

translation: You need to (insert task)





We should = you WILL
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 10:34:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pathfinder74:
"I love you" = I have chosen the person whose life I want to destroy. Resistence is futile.




Link Posted: 12/16/2005 10:37:37 AM EDT
I know that you're busy, so I'll let you go."

Translation: I'm bored with this conversation, I'm hanging up now!
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 2:08:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By swingset:
"Do you still love me?"

Even tho I've given you 8,000 reasons not to, I'm hoping the trance of my vagina will overcome this.





Vagina slave!

Vagina slave!



Stop stealing my lines, fucker!
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 3:01:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By RyanAR15:

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By swingset:
"Do you still love me?"

Even tho I've given you 8,000 reasons not to, I'm hoping the trance of my vagina will overcome this.





Vagina slave!

Vagina slave!



Stop stealing my lines, fucker!




Link Posted: 12/16/2005 3:23:39 PM EDT
"I can't stand *insert other girls name*, she's such a slut/whore."

=

"I can't accept the fact that that girl is prettier than me."
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 4:54:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Nozzleman:
I know that you're busy, so I'll let you go."
Translation: I'm bored with this conversation, I'm hanging up now!



Oh, you're busy on the computer? Do you want me to leave you alone?
Translation: I'm bored and therefore I'm going to project my boredom onto you and annoy the piss out of you rather than find something constructive to do... like clean or bake.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:36:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By anachronism:
I once knew a girl who wasn't the least bit shy about telling you

"I don't want to change your life (snort), but remember that what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too."

She was only slightly kidding about that.



I remember when my xWife told me:

"You need to learn to not be so giving. You need to learn to TAKE."

She was completely serious. I had already walked out on her by this time and the divorce was in progress. The look I gave her was that when you see the world as it really is for the first time, when all the illusions are stripped away and the beauty is nothing but a horrid, bloody terror scene.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:19:31 PM EDT
"What's wrong?"


... and she answers


"Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you!"


Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:50:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:00:57 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:12:22 PM EDT
Dude.

You've broken the code.

Watch out for women with big breasts and tiny pink guns; they're the enforcers of the femafia.

Stay safe. We don't want you to end up sleeping with the tampons.
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