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11/22/2017 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 9/15/2004 4:19:17 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/15/2004 4:24:30 PM EST by Donna]
Pay Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends or public holidays off
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags

Sincerely,
The Management
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:23:06 PM EST
I thought this was a political topic and you meant Slick Willy aka Bill Clinton, and I got in here ready to be all mad.....then I read that......
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:25:27 PM EST

Originally Posted By drew5337:
I thought this was a political topic and you meant Slick Willy aka Bill Clinton, and I got in here ready to be all mad.....then I read that......




Sorry?
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:25:55 PM EST
This is the most gay thread I have seen....Liberace gay even!
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:38:04 PM EST

Originally Posted By macro:
This is the most gay thread I have seen....Liberace gay even!

You realize taht the original poster is FEMALE, of course??
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:43:22 PM EST
I caught that a little late...but I figured it out. Im a little slow sometimes. im drunk once in a while as well.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:47:31 PM EST

Originally Posted By macro:
I caught that a little late...but I figured it out. Im a little slow sometimes. im drunk once in a while as well.



Me too... maybe that's why I'm posting so much... be right back... making another screwdriver....
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:50:48 PM EST
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:51:50 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 4:56:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By macro:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!



I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:00:56 PM EST
when come back bring booze?
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:05:04 PM EST
Smirnoff Oranange twist 80 proof - cointreau 80 proof....two shots each, topped off with OJ....and Im fine!
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:06:03 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/15/2004 5:07:20 PM EST by Donna]

Originally Posted By Persephone:
when come back bring booze?



I have plenty left! Come on up!

eta: Macro's is better, and he's closer.... [hijacking my own thread now!]
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:17:42 PM EST
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:20:52 PM EST

Originally Posted By luger355:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.



You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:22:23 PM EST
Very Funny.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:23:22 PM EST
is today richard simmons day?
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:25:39 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/15/2004 5:26:40 PM EST by Donna]
Man! You guys are pretty homophobic! I thought MAYBE a little penis humor would make y'all laugh! Guess not...

Why is a WOMAN posting penis humor GAY or RICHARD SIMMONS DAY??

eta: the above is NOT a rhetorical question.

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:28:43 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:
You do not always follow the orders of the management team


INCORRECT! Willy always does his job to management's orders. Sometimes maliciously, but still.


You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working


Willy's a self-starter.


You're unable to work double shifts


Incorrect..Willy just can't do it more than 3 or so times in a row...

Life...according to Willy.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:30:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By Evil_Ed:

Originally Posted By Donna:
You do not always follow the orders of the management team


INCORRECT! Willy always does his job to management's orders. Sometimes maliciously, but still.


You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working


Willy's a self-starter.


You're unable to work double shifts


Incorrect..Willy just can't do it more than 3 or so times in a row...

Life...according to Willy.



Thanks for your contribution!

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:33:35 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By luger355:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.



You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!




damm does it show that bad?????
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:34:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/15/2004 5:35:09 PM EST by Donna]

Originally Posted By luger355:

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By luger355:
i think the penis and his two subordinate workers need to form a labor union.

Then with union established, Penis and his fellow workers could threaten to strike if concessions or a contract is not agreed upon.



You obviously haven't been consuming alcohol! That is much too well thought out!




damm does it show that bad?????



Either that or you are an Engineer!!??

Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:37:22 PM EST
Damn, thought this topic was going to be about William Jefferson Clinton pissing and moaning about his salary-for-life not being enough. Expected that it was sour grapes that he's signed the Act raising the NEXT President's pay from ~$220l to $400k, and it DIDN'T turn out to be Gore.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:38:46 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:
Thanks for your contribution!




You're welcome! And thanks for interrupting my rum consuption.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:40:20 PM EST
lol, hardly i have way to much common sense to be an injuneer'
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:43:16 PM EST
Being an engineer has nothing to do with it....simply a matter of drinks divided by hours...or is it hours divided by drinks....maybe I was supposed to multiply something.....DAMNIT I lost the formula...ahhh forget it!
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:46:02 PM EST

Originally Posted By macro:
Being an engineer has nothing to do with it....simply a matter of drinks divided by hours...or is it hours divided by drinks....maybe I was supposed to multiply something.....DAMNIT I lost the formula...ahhh forget it!



Well OF COURSE! That all makes PERFECT sense!! But I meant that if he WAS drinking [too], then perhaps he was an engineer, because they tend to think that way... you know - sort of organized-like.
Link Posted: 9/15/2004 5:47:08 PM EST
I wouldnt know anything about it....not since 5PM at least
Link Posted: 9/19/2004 4:56:18 PM EST
I'm 18, my willy shows up ready for work at all hours of the day or night, without management even asking for it
Link Posted: 9/19/2004 5:16:01 PM EST

Originally Posted By Combat_Jack:
I'm 18, my willy shows up ready for work at all hours of the day or night, without management even asking for it



That's the way it SHOULD be at 18!!

Link Posted: 9/19/2004 5:27:58 PM EST
Is there a Willy Union?

Where do we join?

What is the initiation fee?

How about monthly dues?
Link Posted: 9/19/2004 5:29:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By macro:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!



I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!



That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya<­BR>Belvedere
Link Posted: 9/19/2004 5:49:13 PM EST

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By macro:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!



I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!



That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya<­BR>Belvedere



I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!

Link Posted: 9/19/2004 6:00:17 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:

That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya<­BR>Belvedere



I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!




+1

Link Posted: 9/19/2004 6:00:42 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By macro:
Hmmm, i am drinking the same....small world...and oh look...im empty as well!



I bet your vodka isn't as cheap as mine! I'm drinking 100 proof Monarch in the [where the hell do they have the size of the bottle] HUGE plastic bottle [and proud of it]!



That's not liquor it's cleaning fluid!

Sky
Absolute
Stolichnaya<­BR>Belvedere



I prefer Absolut, but it all depends on how much $ is in the bank when I go to the liquor store!!




Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!
Link Posted: 9/20/2004 7:24:43 AM EST

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:

Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!



I would! I LIKE brussel sprouts!

Link Posted: 9/20/2004 2:15:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By Donna:

Originally Posted By Phil_in_Seattle:

Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone, but in case I die tucked way in the back of the freezer are my back up bottles of Vodka, they're behind the brussel sprouts, no one will ever check there!



I would! I LIKE brussel sprouts!




BAH!

You're a girl on the internet you aren't real!

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