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Posted: 8/17/2005 1:43:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/17/2005 1:43:54 PM EDT by PlaymoreMinds]
A recent convo with one of my closest girlfriends got me thinking: why is it we women can so easily say "I love you?"

I know some guys wish we didn't, but I am talking about using those three words easily even with people we don't sleep with.

I say "I love you" several times a day to my kids, my hubby (yes I sleep with him ), my girlfriends: people in my life...all of whom I love.

It really is not hard for me to say. Are all we girls wired this way? Are some guys? The only guy I know personally who has no shame in saying that phrase is my brother: he's a huge bear of a man who has no problem saying it to his family and friends and he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO not a metro I cannot even begin to tell you how not. Well I can begin: he's an HD Marine

So I ask ARFCOM women (and you men who keep us company) do you find those three words scary to say...or even more, to feel?
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 2:10:20 PM EDT
I can only easily say it to: #1- God. #2- My sweetie. #-3 & 4- My 2 horses.

If you're not them, you're not hearin' it. I wish I said it to my family, but I never heard it growing up so I'm not comfortable telling them I love them.

I guess it all has to do with how you were raised.

I'm glad you don't have any inhibitions about saying it, PM.

Link Posted: 8/17/2005 3:09:57 PM EDT
A womans natural instinct is to nurture?
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 4:02:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/17/2005 4:06:26 PM EDT by SigZiggy]
I say it to the people I really mean it to and only them.

Yes, to my family, which is small anyway. I have been quite an openly loving person since my father passed away a long time ago. From that I learned that you never know what tomorrow may bring, or even that very same day. Say it when you have the chance because you may not get that chance again.

Yes, to friends, but only the situations where it's called for, when I feel they need some extra lovin' or support.

Oddly enough not being from a hugging/touchy feely sort of family...I was also raised to goodnight kiss at the end of the day and goodbye kiss when leaving even to run an errand. Just a smooch on the cheek, but something doesn't feel quite right without that...which must be why I smooch a lot here

ETA: Forgot "to feel"...No, I love being in love and am not afraid to love. I am a hopeless romantic but that seems to put a damper on things more than anything, as it gets old being the only one who cares about such simple things...
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 5:04:56 PM EDT
I had the hardest time for a long time telling someone I love you. I never heard it as a kid, even now if I tell my folks I love them, they can't re kides spond. I have overcome the upbringing and I tell everyone I love how I feel, especially the kids and mrgh. They hear it several times a day.
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 6:16:40 PM EDT
There is SO much loving going on in my house between my son, myself, and my husband, but I find it more difficult to tell my mother. I tell my step-sisters, my aunts and uncles. We're generally really huggy, but I feel sort of "aw shucks" when I tell my mom, same with hugging her. Don't know why.
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 6:36:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 6:50:46 PM EDT
I LOVE YOU, MAN

/me finding it hard to be serious lately


Link Posted: 8/17/2005 6:54:20 PM EDT
I was thinking about that today!

It's like anathema to some people. We never know when the last time we'll speak to someone will be. I want people to know I love them. Actions speak louder, but hearing it can be so great sometimes.

I don't say it enough. Sometimes I've said it and was treated like I had just said a dirty word, though.
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 9:03:16 PM EDT
My parents never said it to me, when I was 13 I asked my mother why no one ever said those words, she said, "well, you know I do". So when I had my kids, I made it a point of that being the first thing I said to them. I had to teach my parents to say it, they were real good at it by the time they died.
My kids tell me they love me, the big thing now with the grandkids and them is "love you bye!" Loud and about 15 times as they pull away in the car. My daughters have to say it even if we are calling each other right back. One told me she does it because in case we die, it has to be the last thing we say to one another.

I never told my first husband I loved him until we had been married for about 6 months. Love is like a intimate cuss word, why toss it around. I told my Ogre(#2) I loved him, but it was never said right, or my expression was wrong, or the tone was off, so I just decided to say screw it and quit saying it.

I just don't see myself ever again telling a man I love him, they either don't want to hear it, or they don't believe you. So I guess I am not a female that says it easily when it comes to man/woman love. I don't fall in love easily either, and when I have it pi$$ed me off.

Did I even answer the original question? If not just ignore my rambling. I do love ya'll though, but not out loud
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 10:31:10 PM EDT
[ Kojak ] Who loves ya baby? [Kojak ]

I have no trouble saying it or feeling it, but I never was one to worry much about whether my actions fit with what everyone else expected. I just try to be the best me I can be.

Oh yeah, and I'm a hand-shaker with guy friends and a hugger with girl friends.
Link Posted: 8/17/2005 11:39:56 PM EDT
The women in my life say it often.

My wife takes my wallet out of my pocket sometimes, caresses it, and says softly "I really love you", tears a bit, then puts it back.

My daughter tells Juju, her headless Barbie, that she loves her and someday she'll find a good head for her.

My mom, whose the most distant of the bunch, will sometimes hug people who put out old furniture at the garage sale for $10, and tell them she loves them.

I guess women just come by it through nature's order. I only say I love you to porn and rifles.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 4:37:44 AM EDT
Swingset...ya kill me...
I once thanked a construction worker for bending over (never realizing he would hear me over the din) and that's the closest I've come to telling a stranger I love him/her (with the exception of many a fine bartender....)

Sig/syntax:
We do the kiss and "love you's" upon a goodbye too: even if we're only gonna be seperated for 5 minutes: same principle...should one of us die, it's the last thing we said.


Link Posted: 8/18/2005 4:43:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
Sig/syntax:
We do the kiss and "love you's" upon a goodbye too: even if we're only gonna be seperated for 5 minutes: same principle...should one of us die, it's the last thing we said.





count me in as another who must tell my kids and hubby love you/bye, even if it is a just a quick run to the store. We never know what may happen and I always want them to remember I love them.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 4:55:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
The women in my life say it often.

My wife takes my wallet out of my pocket sometimes, caresses it, and says softly "I really love you", tears a bit, then puts it back.

My daughter tells Juju, her headless Barbie, that she loves her and someday she'll find a good head for her.

My mom, whose the most distant of the bunch, will sometimes hug people who put out old furniture at the garage sale for $10, and tell them she loves them.

I guess women just come by it through nature's order. I only say I love you to porn and rifles.





I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight.


Link Posted: 8/18/2005 5:04:31 AM EDT

I grew up in a very stoic Irish Catholic home where no one ever uttered those words (unless trashed). It never really bothered me until my wife pointed it out. My wife was/is the opposite - she says it to everyone. Sometimes she'll say it by accident to strangers

Luckily, I think, it rubbed off on me to the point that I finally started saying it to my Mom and she now finally will say, "We luv ya" on the phone. She still can't quite grind out, "I love you" even to my kids. I only said it to my Dad when we thought he was dying from a bad MCI. Four years later, I haven't said it since. I've never heard him say it, ever.

I'll tell you though... I never get tired of hearing it, especially from my kids.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 5:24:59 AM EDT
I can count on one hand without the thumb the amount of times my father has told me he loved me. We weren't demonstrative growing up. Of course I knew the love was there, but it was never said. Neither was there physical demonstration.

Now that I'm older whenever I talk to my dad, I tell him I love him, and he grunts back something, or just hands the phone to mom. It's ok..it's just not his way. I know he'd kill lions for me, and it's just the way he is. My mom is very mushy, says she loves me all the time.

My boyfriend and I don't go 10 minutes in each other's presence without saying I love you to each other. On the phone, it's the first and the last thing we say.

To my girlfriends, most phone calls are ended with "love ya!", and hugs at hellos and goodbyes always. It's taken me a long time to get to the point where I can easily tell someone I love them, and hug and kiss people. It hasn't always been that way, and I still don't like to hug and kiss people I don't know well.

It's all how you were brought up. I wish I had been brought up to be the way I am now, but I'm glad it's there now.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 6:23:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:


It's all how you were brought up. I wish I had been brought up to be the way I am now, but I'm glad it's there now.



Well one thing is for sure. At least we know now how important it IS for parents to tell their children they love them. My children will hear it from me.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 6:33:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LaBelleRebel:

Originally Posted By daisywench:


It's all how you were brought up. I wish I had been brought up to be the way I am now, but I'm glad it's there now.



Well one thing is for sure. At least we know now how important it IS for parents to tell their children they love them. My children will hear it from me.




So true. My son hears it all the time, too.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 6:36:39 AM EDT
I'm more comfortable with "I'm reasonably fond of you."
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 6:45:52 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Rodent:
I'm more comfortable with "I'm reasonably fond of you."



Hear that often, do you?
I 'spose it's better than "I am reasonably fond of your.......................net worth!"
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 6:54:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

Originally Posted By Rodent:
I'm more comfortable with "I'm reasonably fond of you."



Hear that often, do you?
I 'spose it's better than "I am reasonably fond of your.......................net worth!"



How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".

My personal fave
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 7:05:47 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/18/2005 7:06:05 AM EDT by LaBelleRebel]

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

Originally Posted By Rodent:
I'm more comfortable with "I'm reasonably fond of you."



Hear that often, do you?
I 'spose it's better than "I am reasonably fond of your.......................net worth!"



How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".

My personal fave






I told my first serious BF something like that. I actually already had someone in mind (which he knew about). Totally screwed up relationship there. He'd ask "do you love me?" And I'd answer "I like you... but no I don't love you". At least I was honest. Ah good times, good times.

"I've got big plans for the future... and you're not in them."

Link Posted: 8/18/2005 7:08:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:
How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".




I could live with that, as long as you were putting out
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 7:10:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
Hear that often, do you?
I 'spose it's better than "I am reasonably fond of your.......................net worth!"



The sad part is, they USED to say "I LOOOOOVE your net worth".
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 7:13:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Rodent:

Originally Posted By daisywench:
How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".




I could live with that, as long as you were putting out



Rodent, I'll keep you in the loop if things start to go downhill, how's that?

*I just love a man in uniform*
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 7:54:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:
How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".




Y'know Marilyn Manson has a song with words similar to that?

"I'm not in love,
but I'm gonna f___ you,
'til somebody better,
comes along."

(I don't agree with the lyrics, but it's a good song).
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 8:00:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Rodent, I'll keep you in the loop if things start to go downhill, how's that?

*I just love a man in uniform*



Hey everybody, I just made Daisy's Standby Boyfriend List!

So, ah, how are you two getting along? Any little bickerings about, oh, money, family, whatever? Does that unworthy rat bastard do his share of housework? Uh, anything I might do to, um ... hasten ... things?
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 8:02:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Rodent:

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Rodent, I'll keep you in the loop if things start to go downhill, how's that?

*I just love a man in uniform*



Hey everybody, I just made Daisy's Standby Boyfriend List!

So, ah, how are you two getting along? Any little bickerings about, oh, money, family, whatever? Does that unworthy rat bastard do his share of housework? Uh, anything I might do to, um ... hasten ... things?



sure..you could send him this thread. BUWHAHAHAHAH.

j/k.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 8:22:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By Rodent:

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Rodent, I'll keep you in the loop if things start to go downhill, how's that?

*I just love a man in uniform*



Hey everybody, I just made Daisy's Standby Boyfriend List!

So, ah, how are you two getting along? Any little bickerings about, oh, money, family, whatever? Does that unworthy rat bastard do his share of housework? Uh, anything I might do to, um ... hasten ... things?



sure..you could send him this thread. BUWHAHAHAHAH.

j/k.



AHA!!! NOW we know why he's called Rodent...he needs lessons from Mr.Cleanforhire
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 10:07:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BayEagle:
I grew up in a very stoic Irish Catholic home where no one ever uttered those words (unless trashed). It never really bothered me until my wife pointed it out. My wife was/is the opposite - she says it to everyone. Sometimes she'll say it by accident to strangers

Luckily, I think, it rubbed off on me to the point that I finally started saying it to my Mom and she now finally will say, "We luv ya" on the phone. She still can't quite grind out, "I love you" even to my kids. I only said it to my Dad when we thought he was dying from a bad MCI. Four years later, I haven't said it since. I've never heard him say it, ever.

I'll tell you though... I never get tired of hearing it, especially from my kids.



That's so special. I tell my 2-yr old to say, "I love Mama". It comes out something like "Ah wuf Mama." It's gets me... even if he doesn't know what he's saying for sure. Thought I'd better get as many of those in as possible before he grows up.
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 8:16:36 PM EDT
I think by nature, women are more likely to say I Love You, but it also depends on how you were raised. My family is very close, not a day goes by that I don't talk to my mom. Every conversation with her ends the same...K I Love You Bye......My son tells me all the time "Mom, I love you the whole wide world", that gets me everytime! And my fiancee (BigScrun here on the boards), always says the same thing when I leave his house in the mornings. I give him a kiss and say I Love You (as he's sleeping), and he kinds grumbles rolls over, and says "I love you too babe, drive safe." My day just isn't the same without hearing it.......just my thoughts....
Link Posted: 8/18/2005 8:32:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 10:53:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
<sniff>

I love you guys.

<sniff>




<notices time stamp on Sp1Grrl's post....>
Yep...she's had a coupla drinkipoos!
Link Posted: 8/20/2005 11:57:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LaBelleRebel:

Originally Posted By daisywench:


It's all how you were brought up. I wish I had been brought up to be the way I am now, but I'm glad it's there now.



Well one thing is for sure. At least we know now how important it IS for parents to tell their children they love them. My children will hear it from me. hr


My husband tells me that he loves me all the time (phone calls, etc., before we fall asleep), but I think he's all loved out before he gets to the kids and he definitely must feel awkward telling them, for whatever reason, probably the way he was raised...hildren They know that no matter what I'll be there to support, heal, protect and love them. Someone has to tell them what we both feel.

Hey, I even know how to apologize and try to teach them, because I'm married to someone that knows all and never does wrong. hinking.gif Oh Please, I think most men feel that way (but, we know better )
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 1:38:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By 1HotShooter:

My husband tells me that he loves me all the time (phone calls, etc., before we fall asleep), but I think he's all loved out before he gets to the kids and he definitely must feel awkward telling them, for whatever reason, probably the way he was raised...

All my children hear it from me, probably too many times per day. They know that no matter what I'll be there to support, heal, protect and love them. Someone has to tell them what we both feel.

Hey, I even know how to apologize and try to teach them, because I'm married to someone that knows all and never does wrong. Oh Please, I think most men feel that way Most women seem to think so too. (but, we know better )



Personally, I don't say it often.
Reason?
I don't feel it often.
I won't say it if I don't mean it.
Random strangers? Don't know you = don't love you.
Friends? Some I love, some I just like.
Relatives? Some I tolerate. Some I hate. Some I barely know, so couldn't really care less about. Several I don't even know their names, so you can tell where they fit into my heart as well.

I grew up hearing it all the time from my mother. Then she would show me the exact opposite. So for me, just saying it, doesn't mean a whole lot. You have to back those words with action before I'm gonna believe it.

Likewise, I do the same. If I say it, I will show it.

Now, I'm not quite to the extreme of my father. I don't recall him saying it one time. NEVER heard those words from him, but he showed it in his own way. Quite often that way was misunderstood when I was a kid, but given time, years of reflection, and more experience with the world as a whole, I understand his way a little better now. I can look back on things he did and see that was his way of expressing his feelings, but as a child, I honestly thought he was indifferent toward all of us.

So I suppose in a manner of speaking my attitude toward those words is a combination of the two. I won't say it unless I'm willing to show it and I won't show it without saying it.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 2:08:07 AM EDT
I've always been a big fan of "I love you...TODAY."


Seriously, though, it's usually the last thing I say when one of us leaves. You never know whatcould happen, and I don't want any regrets.
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 12:43:33 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/21/2005 2:55:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
The last time I used those words to my GF, and I swear I meant them from the bottom of my heart, she told me that she needed some time and space to think about that. Thus marking a separation, of sorts, that has gone on for over three weeks.

She has some fear of commitment or there's something I'm missing from the picture.


I learned that those three words are the most dangerous ones in the language.


CJ



That's a pretty big motza ball hanging out there.
Link Posted: 8/24/2005 10:22:37 AM EDT
I have no problem using the 3 magic words with people I REALLY mean it to.


Now, if I can just figure out how to get on a standby...... well, you know list
Link Posted: 8/24/2005 11:54:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LaBelleRebel:

Originally Posted By daisywench:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

Originally Posted By Rodent:
I'm more comfortable with "I'm reasonably fond of you."



Hear that often, do you?
I 'spose it's better than "I am reasonably fond of your.......................net worth!"



How about "you're ok until someone better comes along".

My personal fave






I told my first serious BF something like that. I actually already had someone in mind (which he knew about). Totally screwed up relationship there. He'd ask "do you love me?" And I'd answer "I like you... but no I don't love you". At least I was honest. Ah good times, good times.

"I've got big plans for the future... and you're not in them."




I have an ex-girlfriend that I once said that to......to this day she will not let me live it down. I swear to you that she keeps in contact with me to FOREVER remind me of that comment.


Couldn't help it.....it was true. I have always felt that if you are going to say " I love you " then you damn well better mean it. Problem is that I took it to a point where it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to say those words.......the last person I said those words to was my dog before he died.........

hasn't made it any easier......
Link Posted: 8/24/2005 12:12:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
The last time I used those words to my GF, and I swear I meant them from the bottom of my heart, she told me that she needed some time and space to think about that. Thus marking a separation, of sorts, that has gone on for over three weeks.

She has some fear of commitment or there's something I'm missing from the picture.


I learned that those three words are the most dangerous ones in the language.


CJ



Those may be the three most dangerous words, but also bear in mind the two saddest:

"If only.........."

Jake.

P.S. Not mine, I'll hastily admit. A grade-school teacher once imparted those pearls.
Link Posted: 8/24/2005 12:13:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By drache:
[
<snip>

I grew up hearing it all the time from my mother. Then she would show me the exact opposite. So for me, just saying it, doesn't mean a whole lot. You have to back those words with action before I'm gonna believe it.

<snip>




Same here, mostly.
Link Posted: 8/24/2005 1:41:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By wise_jake:

Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
The last time I used those words to my GF, and I swear I meant them from the bottom of my heart, she told me that she needed some time and space to think about that. Thus marking a separation, of sorts, that has gone on for over three weeks.

She has some fear of commitment or there's something I'm missing from the picture.


I learned that those three words are the most dangerous ones in the language.


CJ



Those may be the three most dangerous words, but also bear in mind the two saddest:

"If only.........."

Jake.

P.S. Not mine, I'll hastily admit. A grade-school teacher once imparted those pearls.



Yeah...I remember being told that the things in life we most regret are the things we didn't do and the doors we didn't open...<sigh>
I dunno...I guess I find it easy to say and mean with my family and my girlfriends. I guess it's because I know they love me back. I'm lucky I guess.
Link Posted: 8/25/2005 8:21:54 AM EDT
Has anyone answered "bad wiring" or "weaker sex" yet?




If not, what do I win?
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