And cops just love to find a guy parking his car in a crosswalk next to a fire hydrant at a bus stop posted with a sign saying, "Don't Even Think About Stopping, Standing, or Parking Here. Cars Towed Away, Forfeited to the Government, and Sold at Public Auction," and the jerk asks, "Officer, may I park here?
"What are ya nuts? Of course ya can park here. As long as ya like! Leave it all day! Ya don't see anything that says ya can't, do ya? You're welcome. See ya later." The cop then drives around the corner and calls for a tow truck to remove the vehicle. Later, in traffic court, the idiot will be whining to the judge, "But your honor, I asked an officer if I could park there, and he said I could! No I don't know which officer, but I did ask! Honest! No wait judge, I can't afford five hundred dollars! This isn't fair! I'm not creating a disturbance! I've got rights! Get your hands off me! Where are you taking me? What do you mean ten days for contempt of court? What did I do? Wait, wait..." If you should happen to see a cop humming contentedly and smiling to himself for no apparent reason, he may have won this game.

Wildly, unrealistic civilian expectations also contribute to a cop's distaste for the general citizenry. An officer can be running his ass off all day or night, handling call after call and writing volumes of police reports, but everybody thinks their problem is the only thing he has to work on. The policeman may have a few worries too. Ever think of that? The sergeant is on him because he's been late for roll call a few days; he's been battling like a badger with his wife, who's just about to leave him because he never takes her anywhere and doesn't spend enough time at home and the kids need braces and the station wagon needs a major engine overhaul and where are we going to get the money to pay for all that and we haven't had a real vacation for years and all you do is hang around with other cops and you've been drinking too much lately and I could've married that wonderful guy I was going with when I met you and lived happily ever after and why don't you get a regular job with regular days off and no night shifts and decent pay and a chance for advancement and no one throwing bottles or taking wild potshots at you?

Meanwhile, that sweet young thing he met on a call last month says her period is late. Internal Affairs is investigating him on fucking up a disorderly last week; the captain is pissed at him for tagging a councilman's car; a burglar's tearing up the businesses on his post; and he's already handled two robberies, three family fights, a stolen auto, and a half dozen juvenile complaints today.

Now here he is on another juvenile call, trying to explain to some bimbo, who's president of her neighborhood improvement association, that the security of western civilization is not really threatened all that much by the kids who hang around on the corner by her house. "Yes officer, I know they're not there now. They always leave whenever you come by. But right after you're gone, they come right back, don't you see, and continue their disturbance. It's intolerable! I'm so upset, I can barely sleep at night!"

By now the cop's eyes have glazed over. "What we need here officer," she continues vehemently, "is greater attention to this matter by the police. You and some other officers should hide and stake out that corner so those renegades wouldn't see you. Then you could catch them in the act!"

"Yes ma'am, we'd love to stake out that corner a few hours every night, since we don't have anything else to do, but I've got a better idea," he'd like to say. "Here's a box of fragmentation grenades the Department obtained from the army just for situations like this. The next time you see those little fuckers out there, just lob a couple of these into the crowd and get down!"

Or he's got an artsy-craftsy type who's just moved into a tough, rundown neighborhood and decides it's gotta be cleaned up. You know, "Urban Pioneers." The cops see a lot of them now. The cops call them volunteer victims. Most of them are intelligent, talented, hard-working, well-paid folks with masochistic chromosomes interspersed among their otherwise normal genes. They have nice jobs, live in nice homes, and have a lot of nice material possessions, and they somehow decide that it would be just a marvelous idea to move into a slum and get yoked, roped, looted, and pillaged on a regular basis. What else do they expect? Peace and harmony? It's like tossing a juicy little pig into a piranha tank.

Moving day: Here come the pioneers, dropping all their groovy gear from their Volvo station wagon, setting it on the sidewalk so everyone on the block can get a good look at the food processor, the microwave, the stereo system, the color TV, the tape deck, etc. At the same time, the local burglars are appraising the goods, unofficially, and calculating how much they can get for the TV down at the corner bar, how much the stereo will bring at Joe's Garage, who might want the tape deck at the barbershop, and maybe mama can use the microwave herself.

When the pioneers get ripped off, the cops figure they asked for it, and they got it. You want to poke your arm in a tiger cage? Fuck you! Don't be amazed when he eats it for lunch. The cops regard it as naive for trendies to move into crime zones and conduct their lives the same way they did up on Society Hill. In fact, they can't fathom why anyone who didn't have to would want to move there at all, regardless of how they want to live or how prepared they might be to adapt their behavior. That's probably because the cops are intimately acquainted with all those petty but disturbing crimes and nasty little incidents that never make the newspapers but profoundly effect the quality of life in a particular area.

Something else that causes premature aging among cops is the "I don't know who to call, so I'll call the police" ploy. Why, the cops ask themselves, do they get so many calls for things like water leaks, sick cases, bats in houses, and the like--things that have nothing whatsoever to do with law enforcement or the maintenance of public order? They figure it's because civilians are getting more and more accustomed to having the government solving problems for them, and the local P.D. is the only government agency that'll even answer the phone at 3:00 A.M., let alone send anybody.

So when the call comes over the radio to go to such-and-such an address for a water leak, the assigned officer rolls his eyes, acknowledges, responds, surveys the problem, and tells the complainant, "Yep, that's a water leak all right! No doubt about it. Ya oughta call a plumber! And it might not be a bad idea to turn off your main valve for awhile." Or, "Yep, your Aunt Minnie's sick all right!. Ya probably oughta get'er to a doctor tomorrow if she doesn't get any better by then." Or, "Yep, that's a bat all right! Maybe ya oughta open the windows so it can fly outside again!"

In the meantime, while our hero is wasting time on this bullshit call, maybe somebody is having a real problem out there, like getting raped, robbed, or killed. Street cops would like to work the phones just once and catch a few of these idiotic complaints: "A bat in your house? No need to send an officer when I can tell ya what to do right here on the phone, pal! Close all your doors and windows right away. Pour gasoline all over your furniture. That's it. Now set it on fire and get everybody outside! Yeah, you'll get that little motherfucker for sure! That's okay; call us anytime."

Probably the most serious beef cops have with civilians relates to those situations in which the use of force becomes necessary to deal with some desperado who may have just robbed a bank, iced somebody, beat up his wife and kids, or wounded some cop, and now he's caught, but won't give up. He's not going to be taken alive, he's going to take some cops with him., and you better say your prayers, you pig bastards! Naturally, if the chump's armed with any kind of weapon, the cops are going to shoot the shit out of him so bad they'll be able to open up his body later as a lead mine. If he's not armed, and the cops aren't creative enough to find a weapon for him, they'll just beat him into raw meat and hope he spends the net few weeks in traction. They view it as a learning experience for the asshole. You fuck up somebody, you find out what it feels like to get fucked up. Don't like it? Don't do it again! It's called "street justice," and civilians approve of it as much as cops do--even if they don't admit it.

Remember how the audience cheered when Charles Bronson fucked up the bad guys in Death Wish? How they scream with joy every time Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry makes his day by blowing up some rotten scumball with his .44 magnum? What they applaud is the administration of street justice. The old eye-for-an-eye concept, one of mankind's most primal instincts. All of us have it, especially cops.

It severely offends and deeply hurts cops when they administer a dose of good old-fashioned street justice only to have some bleeding-heart do-gooder happen upon the scene at the last minute, when the hairbag is at last getting his just desserts, and start hollering about police brutality. Cops regard that as very serious business indeed. Brutality can get them fired. Get fired from one police department, and it's tough to get a job as a cop anywhere else ever again.

Brutality exposes the cop to civil liability as well, Also his superior officers, the police department as an agency, and maybe even the local government itself. You've seen 60 Minutes, right? Some cop screws up, gets sued along with everybody else in the department who ever had anything to do with him, and the city or county ends up paying the plaintiff umpty-ump million dollars, raising taxes and hocking its fire engines in the process. What do you think happens to the cop who fucked up in the first place? He's done for.

On many occasions when the cops are accused of excessive force, the apparent brutality is a misperception by some observer who isn't acquainted with the realities of police work. For example, do you have any idea how hard it is to handcuff someone who really doesn't want to be handcuffed? Without hurting them? It's almost impossible for one cop to accomplish by himself unless he beats the hell out of the prisoner first--which would also be viewed as brutality! It frequently takes three or four cops to handcuff one son of a bitch who's absolutely determined to battle them.

In situations like that, it's not unusual for the cops to hear someone in the crowd of onlookers comment on how they're ganging up on the poor bastard, and beating him unnecessarily. This makes them feel like telling the complainer, "Hey motherfucker, you think you can handuff this shithead by yourself without killing him first? C'mere! You're deputized! Now, go ahead and do it!"

The problem is that, in addition to being unfamiliar with how difficult it is in the real world to physically control someone without beating his ass, last minute observers usually don't have the opportunity to see for themselves, like they do in the movies and on TV, what a fucking monster the suspect might be. If they did, they'd probably holler at the cops to beat his ass some more. They might even want to help!

The best thing for civilians to do if they see the cops rough up somebody too much is to keep their mouths shut at the scene, and to make inquires of the police brass later on. There might be ample justification for the degree of force used that just wasn't apparent at the time of the arrest. If not, the brass will be very interested in the complaint. If one of their cops went over the deep end, they'll want to know about it.

Most of this comes down to common sense, a characteristic the cops feel most civilians lack. One of the elements of common sense is thinking before opening one's yap or taking other action. Just a brief moment of thought will often prevent the utterance of something stupid or the commission of idiotic acts that will, among other things, generate nothing but contempt from the average street cop. Think--and it might mean getting a warning instead of a traffic ticket. Or getting sent on your way rather than being arrested. Or continuing on to your original destination instead of to the hospital. It might mean getting some real assistance instead of the run-around. The very least it'll get you is a measure of respect cops seldom show civilians. Act like you've got just a little sense, and even if the cops don't like you, they at least won't hate you.




. . .

©1997 RAS Communications. All Rights Reserved. 24 JUL 98.

Quoted:
I can tell you that it is very irritating when you are working a scene and every neighbor or passerby stops and wants a personal briefing on what happened.

Quoted:
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Quoted:
Striker, for those of you who don't already know, is a zookeeper in Canada[peep]

At a Provincial Prison![devil]

Quoted:
bigern,

Having been in that officer's position many times, I can tell you that it is very irritating when you are working a scene and every neighbor or passerby stops and wants a personal briefing on what happened.  If it's something you need to be immediately concerned about, rest assured we'll tell you.  If not, you can read about it in the morning paper.

Quoted:


What's worse, asking the question or just driving by a dead body in your neighborhood and not even caring?

Quoted:
[URL][/URL]

Quoted:
I saw and read this article maybe 10-15 years ago, I was never able to find it, thanks striker.

It is pretty much  true even if people do not want to admit it is. Ask any Officer that has been working the job for 10 or 15 years. [ROFL]

It only addresses the dumb asses of society, and as such should only offend same. If it offended [b]you[/b] I feel sorry for you.

Striker, what would you say if a civilian posted a "why civilians hate cops" thread, complete with "First of all, cops are so damn stupid", and "We hope the bank robber shoots the cop"?

Quoted:
It's a joke, for Christ's sake.  [rolleyes]

You see, for those unable to figure it out, the vast majority of LEO's DON'T hate civilians.  Civilians really DO the stuff described, and I'm sure LEO's find it exasperating.  The article was a JOKE--look up "SATIRE" in the dictionary, and you may find that article as an example of it.  Mmmkay??

It is NOT a valid comparison (unless you're just looking for something to bitch about) to make the opposite comparison.  MANY civilians really do hate LEO's.  A significant number of LEO's really do get killed on the job.  Again, it was satire.  Look it up, learn it, and quit bitching about this bit of silliness.  Sheesh.

Quoted:


What's worse, getting all fired up over a tongue in cheek post on the internet, or not realizing "it's just the internet, folks"?

YMMV

Quoted:
It's a joke, for Christ's sake.  [rolleyes]

You see, for those unable to figure it out, the vast majority of LEO's DON'T hate civilians.  Civilians really DO the stuff described, and I'm sure LEO's find it exasperating.  The article was a JOKE--look up "SATIRE" in the dictionary, and you may find that article as an example of it.  Mmmkay??

Quoted:
It's a joke, for Christ's sake.  [rolleyes]

Quoted:

Good one Striker, Ya shoulda posted it in GD, now Art is gonna have something to do over here!!!!  [ROFL2]!!!!!!!!

Quoted:
I just want to know why noone owns a dictionary. By what definition are cops civillians?  Websters disagrees.  I suppose there is a dictionary that does agree, but I suppose there are some who do not see the humor in a rant that is obviously poking fun at the obvious.  Which cops want to play soldier?  I have never seen them.  Perhaps there are some who are prepared for those real threats that they face.  The beat cop of the early 20th century is a paradigm that was only a brief interlude in the history of policing.  I certainly don't want police actions performed on our soil by the military, they have proven that they are not any good at it.  On the other hand, I don't think every sector car needs to be prepared for the normandy invasion.  That is why there are specialized units prepared for just such emergencies.  You see, those who have trained for such situations actually adapt and do other duties most of the time, then go to tactical mode when it is required.  They turn it on and off as the situation dictates.  Is this wrong?  I don't think so.  Far better to have people doing these things who know their job is to minimize damage than to relegate it to those who's job it is to knock down everything in their way.

SGB:
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