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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 10/5/2005 6:51:06 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/5/2005 7:02:08 AM EDT by thompsondd]
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... Oops, never mind, I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"

I said, "Nope. We just pack up our stuff once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"

I said, "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit - and there's only one way to test it. "All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."

"Well, all right, but hold my sign - I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and - I SWEAR - he said, "Tire go flat?"

I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge? The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter what I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning... Ok, no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign, until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?"

I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No I'm deliverin' a bridge. Here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?"

I said, "No, I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today?

You gotta love Bill Engvall
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 9:43:47 AM EDT
this thread
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 9:50:52 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/5/2005 9:56:02 AM EDT by BigDozer66]
I can't find my "The '90's called and they want their thread back!" image so no pics this time.

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 9:53:46 AM EDT
Bill Engvall Is the man.
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 9:56:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Bill Engvall Is the man.



So did Jeff Foxworthy change his name?

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 10:28:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BigDozer66:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Bill Engvall Is the man.



So did Jeff Foxworthy change his name?

BigDozer66



You may want to watch The Blue Collar Comedy Tour again...
Bill Engvall = Here's your sign
Jeff Foxworthy = You might be a redneck if......
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 10:28:29 AM EDT
I think Bill Engvall is a better comic than Foxworthy, though they are good friends.

Got to hang with Bill whenever he was in Reno back in the early 90's. He made it in a few times a year and played "Just for Laughs" comedy club. I was doing a lot of production work in Reno and got to meet and work with many entertainers. Bill is still one of the best. His stuff is timeless.
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 10:39:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BigDozer66:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Bill Engvall Is the man.



So did Jeff Foxworthy change his name?

BigDozer66



and you are making fun of me???
Link Posted: 10/5/2005 10:48:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By thompsondd:

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge? The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter what I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning... Ok, no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign, until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?"

I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No I'm deliverin' a bridge. Here's your sign."



Let some air out of your tires and your truck won't be stuck any more. Here's your sign back.

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 1:00:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By heffelfinger007:

Originally Posted By BigDozer66:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Bill Engvall Is the man.



So did Jeff Foxworthy change his name?

BigDozer66



You may want to watch The Blue Collar Comedy Tour again...
Bill Engvall = Here's your sign
Jeff Foxworthy = You might be a redneck if......



I've never watched it. Is it supposed to be funny or something?

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 1:02:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By BigDozer66:

Originally Posted By heffelfinger007:

Originally Posted By BigDozer66:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
Bill Engvall Is the man.



So did Jeff Foxworthy change his name?

BigDozer66



You may want to watch The Blue Collar Comedy Tour again...
Bill Engvall = Here's your sign
Jeff Foxworthy = You might be a redneck if......



I've never watched it. Is it supposed to be funny or something?

BigDozer66



Only if you understand the caucasian working man.
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