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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:32:33 PM EDT


www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15821253%26method=full%26siteid=94762%26headline=wife%2dwas%2dbattered%2dwith%2dfish%2d-name_page.html

WIFE WAS BATTERED WITH FISH
By Rod Chaytor

DRUNK husband John Cole faced the scales of justice for hitting his wife Elaine with a fish.

A court heard the hung-over former fork-lift driver woke up in a rage thinking she had hidden two cans of beer.

He punched the ex-barmaid after hitting her with the 8lb pike from their kitchen during Tuesday's row.

Cole, 54, of Sedgley, West Mids, admitted common assault. He was given a six-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £70 costs by Dudley magistrates.

After Wednesday's hearing, regretful Cole said he couldn't bring himself to eat the pike.

He revealed: "I fed it to our cats and dogs."

Elaine, 49, said she forgave him but added: "I could've been seriously hurt or killed by that fish."
Link Posted: 8/5/2005 11:33:58 PM EDT

WIFE WAS BATTERED WITH FISH


Was it a beer-batter?
Link Posted: 8/5/2005 11:34:29 PM EDT


Link Posted: 8/5/2005 11:36:19 PM EDT
"WIIIIIIIITH.. A HERRING PIKE!"
Link Posted: 8/5/2005 11:43:44 PM EDT
At least he didnt shove it up his ass first.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 12:11:19 AM EDT
Everyone knows it would just get stuck.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 12:27:56 AM EDT
That goes done pretty regularly on the Howard Stern show.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 12:35:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By leelaw:
"WIIIIIIIITH.. A HERRING PIKE!"



Link Posted: 8/6/2005 12:37:43 AM EDT
Well, if she was hiding beer .....
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 3:49:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Airwolf:


DRUNK husband John Cole faced the scales of justice for hitting his wife Elaine with a fish.



"Scales of justice"....fish. hahahahahaha

Link Posted: 8/6/2005 4:13:38 AM EDT
People are finding all kinds of creative uses for fish lately. Perhaps we need legislation enacted such "assault with a deadly Tarpon".
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 4:30:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Airwolf:




He punched the ex-barmaid after hitting her with the 8lb pike from their kitchen during Tuesday's row.





OUCH - double pun - OUCH!
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 4:32:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
At least he didnt shove it up his ass first.



well, there must not have been an SKS in the house....
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 5:22:22 AM EDT
Ban assualt fish now!!! Do it for the children........
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 5:28:34 AM EDT
tag

Link Posted: 8/6/2005 5:33:18 AM EDT
He's fin-ished.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 5:48:45 AM EDT
He should have SIIHPAPP! After it thawed.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:04:59 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:07:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By leelaw:
"WIIIIIIIITH.. A HERRING PIKE!"




exactly what I was thinking.


Did she bring him a shrubbery? (something not too big)
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:10:53 AM EDT
those Brits and their devotion to beer... I can really respect that.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:11:36 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:26:29 AM EDT

Originally Posted By AZMAN-1:
Ban assualt fish now!!! Do it for the children........


No need for a ban, just "reasonable safegaurds" like a three day waiting period for a fishing permit, background checks at fish stands, and no more than one fish a month.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:27:31 AM EDT
It's time to ban assault pikes and high capacity catfish.................do it for the wives and children
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:28:41 AM EDT
Thousands of battered wimminz, and I've been eating mine plain...
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 6:42:49 AM EDT
Sounds Fishy to me..
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:10:12 AM EDT
Awww, he has nothing to carp about; the fine was only 70 clams and 6 months probation. Surely, he didn't do it on porpoise and he won't make it a halibut.



Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:13:14 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:21:21 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:23:05 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/6/2005 7:23:13 AM EDT by bigscrun]
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:24:58 AM EDT
Fish control would never work. You can pick up a fish on the street, from the guys down by the river, any time you want.

Sure they are carp, not the kind you would hang on the wall or show off to your friends, but in a battering incident, many wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

As long as we maintain the regulations on the number that can be posessed, I say, we will be ok.

Sure some of you will say the posession limits are fish controls, but these have been around for a long time. Leave it be, and let the chips fall where they may.

Link Posted: 8/6/2005 7:36:45 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
At least he didnt shove it up his ass first.



Or up her ass or cooch, damn fish raped.
Link Posted: 8/6/2005 2:40:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pale_pony:
Thousands of battered wimminz, and I've been eating mine plain...



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