Very baaaad sheep jokes.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Very baaaad sheep jokes.

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:24:53 PM EDT

Q: How do farmers find their sheep in long grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: What do you call 4 sheep tied to a lamppost?
A: A leisure center.

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear zippers.

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Q: What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?
A: Mick Jagger says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"
The Scotsman says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Q: How do you get a sheep to push harder?
A: Face it toward a cliff.

Q: Why do the horses run so fast in New Zealand?
A: Because they know what's done to the sheep!

Q: Did you hear about the shepherd who committed suicide?
A: He heard the song, "There'll Never Be Another Ewe."

Q: Did you know that they've just discovered two new uses for sheep?
A: Meat and wool.

Q: What is the smallest organ in a sheep?
A: A shepherd's tallywhacker.

Q: What's the difference between a sheep and a Yugo?
A: It's marginally less embarrassing being seen getting out of the back
of a sheep.

Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep!

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:25:57 PM EDT

[#1]

https://ssl1.lon.gb.securedata.net/wd-naughties.com/merchantmanager/images/uploads/SP4307.jpg

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:28:04 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:

Q: How do you get a sheep to push harder?
A: Face it toward a cliff.

holy shit i lost it on that one!

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:30:06 PM EDT

[#3]

dooooood

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:30:58 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

You are missing the punch line.....

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:32:37 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

You are missing the punch line.....

No, he's not

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:32:38 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

You are missing the punch line.....

Umm, I think you did....

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:32:43 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

You are missing the punch line.....

Doesn't wool shrink in the rain?

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:34:10 PM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Q: When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

You are missing the punch line.....

Doesn't wool shrink in the rain?

I guess I don't know much about sheep. So what makes it so funny?

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:36:50 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:

I guess I don't know much about sheep. So what makes it so funny?

Wool comes from sheep.

Posted: 6/6/2009 6:54:21 PM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:

Quoted:

I guess I don't know much about sheep. So what makes it so funny?

Wool comes from sheep.

I am half retarded.

Posted: 6/6/2009 7:45:25 PM EDT

[#11]

Posted: 6/6/2009 8:48:01 PM EDT

[#12]

Did you hear? Folks from Montana found a new use for sheep...

WOOL

Sir James...

and so not to piss anyone off from the Big Sky I grew up there

Posted: 6/6/2009 8:49:51 PM EDT

[#13]

Mr Papadopolis decided to have some land cleared out of his olive grove.

He hires a contractor to come and remove a large number of trees.

He points and tells the contractor "Don't take that tree out. That's where I lost my virginity."

Contractor says "Ok, that's fine."

Then Mr. Papadopolis says "And leave that one right there next to it as well. That's where her mother was when I lost my virginity."

The contractor says "Ok, that's fine too... I am curious though... her mother was there, when you lost your virginity??"

Mr. Papadopolis says "That's correct."

The contractor asks "Did her mother say anything? I mean... that's just... not right... "

Mr. Papadopolis scratches his head and says "Yes, yes she did say something. I think she said 'Baaaaa"

Posted: 6/6/2009 8:51:24 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:

Quoted:

I guess I don't know much about sheep. So what makes it so funny?

Wool comes from sheep.

I am half retarded.

Half?

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:03:29 PM EDT

[#15]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Means NO

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:07:14 PM EDT

[#16]

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:10:10 PM EDT

[#17]

A traveling salesman is driving through the country to get to his next appointment, and as he passes a pasture, he sees a farmer buggering the hell out of a sheep.
He pulls up to the next farmhouse he sees, runs up to the door and starts knocking.
A little boy about 8 years old comes to the door and asks what he can do.
The salesman is a state of high excitement tells the little boy,
"QUICK! I've got to use your phone to call the cops! There is a man in the field next to your house having sex with a sheep!!"
To which the little boy replied,
" Oh That? Don't worry, its just my Daaaaaaaad"

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:10:58 PM EDT

[#18]

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:43:20 PM EDT

[#19]

Forgot this one, it's my favorite!

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:52:09 PM EDT

[#20]

Posted: 6/6/2009 9:56:48 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:

Quoted:

I guess I don't know much about sheep. So what makes it so funny?

Wool comes from sheep.

I am half retarded.

It's fun to watch it slowly unfold.....

Posted: 6/6/2009 10:02:39 PM EDT

[#22]

Posted: 6/6/2009 10:16:13 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCRE9qOgbug

Posted: 6/7/2009 4:56:59 AM EDT

[#24]

What do elephants use for Tampons?.....

(Do I have to say it?...

)

Tomac

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:01:47 AM EDT

[#25]

The problem with kissing sheep is they have baaad breath.

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:06:17 AM EDT

[#26]

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:17:14 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
http://www.sheepjokes.co.uk/images/wyo_wedding.gif

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:27:57 AM EDT

[#28]

Apologies to Arkansas members............................................

Arkansas - Where men are men and sheep are nervous!

PursuitSS

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:39:25 AM EDT

[#29]

What is a sheep farmer's favorite invention?

Velcro gloves.

Posted: 6/7/2009 6:44:33 AM EDT

[#30]

I got one:

A tourist was going through the back roads of Scotland when he happened upon a quaint little village. Passing a stone wall, and a gorgeous stone church, he stopped at a pub and decided to take in the local color.

He goes up to the bar and orders a pint. A few minutes later, a half drunk local slides up next to him at the bar. "Aye let me ask you something. Did you see that stone wall on your way into town?"

"I did, it was very nice."

"I build that wall with my own two hands, but do they call me McDonald the Wall Builder - noooooooo." He takes another gulp of his pint and continues, "Did you see St. Stephens when you came in?"

"The Church? I did, it was gorgeous!"

"I built that too, but do they call me McDonald the Church Builder - noooooooo!" He takes a shot and chases it with half a pint. "But you fuck one sheep -"