First, apparently screaming "I'm going to donkey punch your mother" is the only way to get through your voice automated telephone system.
Next, I've been calling you worthless, mouth breathing, traded sexual favors for a counterfeit GED bastards all weekend about this absolute PIECE OF SHIT DVR that your company monkey fucked with your last software update.  I just spent 25 minutes on hold, do you think I didn't try your ingenious solution to all problems.  You know the magical "pull out the power cord, wait 30 seconds, plug back in" that didn't work the first 3 times you suggested it.  
SO, I finally get a human on the phone.  I will say at least you sound like english is your native language.  ARE YOU PLAYING BASKETBALL OR RUBBING ONE OUT UNDER THE DESK?  Pull that god damn mic piece away from your mouth.  I don't even like listening to heavy male breathing during porno's.  I'm pretty sure this is why lesbian porn is so popular but that a topic for another thread.
Also do you really need to go through 5 minutes of Gestapo questions to try and verify my account EVERY SINGLE TIME I FUCKING CALL.  Is there a god damn epidemic of teenager, drug addicts, or people of moral repute breaking into other people's homes and CALLING FUCKING TECH SUPPORT?  I'm not trying to add the double vag and double anal channel.  Who gives a shit what my fucking email address is or what street I grew up on, FIX MY FUCKING DVR SO I CAN WATCH THE HOT MODEL ON THE COLONY TAKE A SHOWER IN THE RAIN.  
And what kind of fucked up flow-charts are you people using to diagnose the problem with?  It's been the same cryptic, aztec letters and symbols error message on my DVR screen all weekend.  Yet every fucking time i call I get a different answer on what is causing it.  And the last one you just told me?  IT'S THE GOD DAMN HDMI CABLE'S FAULT?  Your genius, out-sourced, Manlove Thurs, software programmer wrote script for the DVR that doesn't support HDMI cables?  NO HDMI CABLES?  
Do you realize how many fucking HDMI cables I have in my entertainment center?  My entertain center has had more feet of black cable in it that Kim Kardashian.
AND YOUR SOLUTION?  I can choose between a new DVR and lose all my recorded shows (remind me again why I paid more for the larger hard drive jackass?) OR I can wait for you to mail me some component cables so I can climb behind the TV and unplug the Wii component cables everytime I want to watch TV or play Wii?  It's a mutha-fucking badass Samsung 52" HDTV with more HDMI slots than any sane person could every need, but it's got ONE, ONE set of component inputs.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
FU VERIZON.  



 

Bravo.  Excellent use of expletives.  9/10

The proper procedure is to remove the power cord, blow into the socket and then reconnect after 60 seconds.

Good rant - but honesttly??

Dude - it's just TV.

Go read a book, go for a drive, go to the range, spend some quality time with your family, take a walk...

it's just a frickin' TV show.

Another angry Detroit Lions fan.

I was chuckling until the part about Kim Kardashian.  Then I LOL'd.  Very well done, nicely thought out puns.  10/10

I'm pretty sure that WoW freakout kid was just following their proper procedure with the TV remote











 

You made me spit coffee, and scare the cat.

You bastage.









 

Special rant points awarded for use of term "monkey fucked" and reference to "donkey punching your mother."

Verizon sucks.  I have removed my internet service.  I will be canceling the wired service.

Anyone who buys FIOS deserves the shitty service.

I have an outstanding offer to any Verizon manager.  I will buy you lunch in Los Angeles.  All you have to do is have a real name and listen to my complaints about your crappy service.

Brilliant rant. 11/10

I've got the triple package.

Flawless for over 16 months.



I must be enchanted.







 

I also have the triple pack, have been happy with the service for almost year.  Just can't believe that such a colossal of a fuckup in programing can render this DVR a paperweight as long as I want to use HDMI cables.



Also need to find out if I'm going to lose any video/audio quality by being forced to use the components now.  Any AV techs here know the answer to that?
 

take the DVR to verizon and swap it for a new one.  yes you'll lose the recorded shows but its TV; they'll be on again...

I have to talk to them on a daily basis at work and with this line alone you have made my day

This thread is full of first-world problems.

Yes, but my "Sister got eaten by a crocodile", "FU dysentery", or "Local goats using headache excuse" rants didn't seem to generate much response



I get your point, but when you pay a decent amount of money for a monthly service, you expect that service to maybe work as promised.
 

They are the exact same thing. They all transmit 1s and 0s as they are digital. Even the old coaxial cables are the same. HDMI is a huge marketing thing - nothing more. I'll give it the fact that it's nice having one small cable to handle it all, no doubt about that. But insane prices and saying it is a MUST is a load of crock. I can get the same picture (and I do) using my good ol trusty coaxial cable.

On a side note - I highly doubt your cable has anything to do with your problem. I don't work for VZ but unless the cable is cut or completely unshielded I don't see how it'd affect the system at all.

I will never give another cent to Verizon if I can help it.  They are the very definition of evil.

FIFY



DTV isn't perfect, but the people I talk to actually speak english and are helpful.



 

Awesome rant.  



10/10