Posted: 8/30/2012 12:12:24 PM EDT
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Probably been on here a few times, but I thought it was funny enough to post again.
Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens -keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren'tthey?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!" The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4 What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5 The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7 Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." |
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WOW......
_________________________________ A chemical engineer, mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and computer engineer were car pooling to work. The car stops running. The chemical engineer says, "I think it is a fuel problem. We should drain the gas tank, flush the system, get new gasoline, and we should be fine." The mechanical engineer says, "No, it sounded like the engine to me. Let's pull the engine, check all the cylinders and valves, replace what is necessary and then it should work." The electrical engineer says, "It sounded like the distribution system to me. Let's pull the cap, make sure all the wires and plugs are connected, check the battery and alternator, and then reconnect it all." The three then look at the computer engineer who says, "Well, I suppose we could all get out of the car and then get back in.", (w,stte), an engineering joke) |
#3
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Quoted:
Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens -keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren'tthey?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!" The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4 What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5 The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7 Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." funny, yet true 
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but then I'm not an engineer.
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I've always been fond of this one and the one about finding the height of a building by various methods:
Impossible final exams Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.) Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will wupport your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you. Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down. Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision. Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand. General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific. History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific. Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s. Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Metaphysics: Describe in detail the probably nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis. Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. Physchology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any. Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Religion: Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged. Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples. |
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Quoted:
Have you all heard about the Computer Scientists who formed a band called "1023 MegaBytes"? Yeah, they haven't gotten a gig yet... *bah dump chhhhh* Perhaps you have heard of the group of law students that formed a band? They're known as "Sue and the Bastards". ______________________________________________________________ ("You want to know something funny? You actually made me think about the law. I managed to go through three years of law school without doing that."––Mitch, (w,stte), "The Firm") |
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Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Then who is the guy who thinks the glass can be improved. It already has a good safety margin in that it can be tipped without spilling, but being a bit bigger won't hurt anything. However, it could use a thicker wall and/or be made of polycarbonate for strength, and have a wider base for more stability. Adding a non slip surface to the outside would improve gripping as would a handle. The rim could be improved by making it more comfortable to the lips of the user. The rim can also be improved by having it designed so that the liquid contents do not have a tendency to curve back or adhere to the outside when the liquid is poured slowly into another container. <–––––––––––––––– I'm that guy. |
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Quoted:
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Then who is the guy who thinks the glass can be improved. It already has a good safety margin in that it can be tipped without spilling, but being a bit bigger won't hurt anything. However, it could use a thicker wall and/or be made of polycarbonate for strength, and have a wider base for more stability. Adding a non slip surface to the outside would improve gripping as would a handle. The rim could be improved by making it more comfortable to the lips of the user. The rim can also be improved by having it designed so that the liquid contents do not have a tendency to curve back or adhere to the outside when the liquid is poured slowly into another container. <–––––––––––––––– I'm that guy. Glug,glug, glug, Burrp. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< I'm that guy. |