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Posted: 9/2/2004 3:40:40 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/2/2004 3:41:32 PM EST by Pangea]
Mine gets tired of me saying the same tired shit all the time. I can't help it. Born to stir shit.

When I see a little kid I say, "awwww it's so cute. Let's take it home for the dog to chew on".

When we drive past a dairy and the smell hits us I say," Mmmmm, milk".

Cattle farm smell, "Mmmmm, beef".

Same for chicken and pigs.

And everybody in front of me in traffic is an asshole. Those behind me are a dumbass. These usually get me at least a dirty look and sometimes an elbow to the ribs.

Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:43:26 PM EST
Exist.

<­BR>



I hope she doesn't see this.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:48:56 PM EST
I do my Warren (from Something about Mary) impression.

HATH YOU THEEN MY WIENER??!?!? Louder is better, more public the better.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:49:55 PM EST
Make that : Things you do to aggravate your EX-Wife on purpose.

Dating younger prettier woman seems to have the desired effect
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:52:04 PM EST
She will say I am a pain in the ass in public.

And I always respond with a loud "Shhhhh" to get everyone's attention and reply with a wink, "That's later tonight!"

I have made more than one cashier blush.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:53:03 PM EST
I crunch carrot sticks or Doritos with my mouth open when she's trying to read.

That's good for a pillow throw.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:55:00 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 3:55:42 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/2/2004 4:22:23 PM EST by jdgiii]
If I don't clean up the kitchen right after we get done eating and I go straight to the recliner and pass out.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:01:07 PM EST
Watch master of disguise you will find alot of annoying things



TURTLE!!!!

MORTA­MERE!!!!!


Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:02:29 PM EST
Stay on Ar15.com all day or night and when she is relly going I look her dead in eye and tell her to AT EASE and man I swear she just fly's off the rope when I tell her that or my other one is to tell her to CHECK HERSELF before she say's anything smart to me or raises her voice and of course she alway's tell's me I am not one of your soldier's and i am not in the Army but I just tell her no you are my wife and you are an Army wife and if looks could kill I would have deader than hell almost everyday.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:13:01 PM EST
I try not to aggravate my wife. I really like her.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:19:35 PM EST
I knew you guys did that stuff intentionally!!!
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:21:36 PM EST
When she speaks about "renovations" for the house...

...I speak technically, in carpentry lingo that may as well be Chinese.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:30:14 PM EST
when I fart so loud in bed that it wakes me and her up

I continue to act like I am sleeping....
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:35:01 PM EST
Breathe
Really.
I'll fart in public and blame her.
I don't do much to deliberately piss her off, she's always pissed at me anyway
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:40:06 PM EST
I told one I wanted a divorce once. That seemed to piss her off pretty good.Especially when I got a lawyer first and then wound up with the money
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:42:36 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:43:37 PM EST
Your question "Things you do to aggravate..." assumes that their is another condition that is possible besides aggravation. If this other condition really exists, I'm sure many here have never seen it, unless you mean conditions such as 'really aggravated' or 'pan-throwing pissed'.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:44:46 PM EST
Stick it in her pooper. Good Lord she gets all kinda bent out of shape. But, long as I hold on tight its a good ride.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:52:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
I knew you guys did that stuff intentionally!!!



it's a conspiracy
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 4:59:05 PM EST
When she wants to know what I want for dinner, I reply whatever you don't know how to cook, go practice.

I buy another gun, but forgot to buy her some material for her sewing projects.

Dutch oven,nuff said.

Every time she breaks out the stinky nail polish, I get out my gun cleaning kit to mask the smell.

When her girlfriends come over, I refuse to wear pants. I usually wear boxer shorts and a hawai type shirt.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:06:09 PM EST
Sometimes when my wife calls me on the phone instead of answering normally I say; "GO!" really loud. She gets pissed EVERY Time I do that. I'm not sure why but it's funny so I keep it up.


I also tweak her boobs when she's in public and they point at the nipples and say real loud; Hey nice headlights!

yeah, that always gets her going.....
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:14:51 PM EST
Predator call in the house. Especially when she's napping. She really hates my coyote howler, I get the dog howling and everything and then she goes nuts.



Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:17:57 PM EST
History channel, mainly Mail Call, Shooting Gallery and American Rifleman really piss her off too.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:22:50 PM EST
When she calls, I answer the phone: "Be brief!"


I give her a titty flip.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:43:09 PM EST
I don't think I have to try to aggravate her, it comes naturally.

Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:49:21 PM EST


I think as a woman I'm supposed to be annoyed at this, but this is some of the funniest shit I've ever read.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:53:46 PM EST
I just did it today: When I get home from work, I take a small swig of gin and wrap my arms around her and say: "Honey, I'm home!". She doesn't find it very funny.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:55:06 PM EST
Mention George W Bush.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:56:03 PM EST
Make any repetitive noise - OF ANY TYPE!!!
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 5:56:57 PM EST
I spank her when ever she walks by me, flip her tits when she's talking to her mom, fart in bed after sex, do stupid dances before I fart, brag about how big my latest turd is. The list is endless.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 6:01:27 PM EST
Just ignore her and the kids, that pisses her off. Also when she calls home, I answer
the phone, "Speak". She hates that.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 6:08:18 PM EST
There's not enough space on this server to list everything I do that annoys the wife.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 6:08:26 PM EST

Originally Posted By crashburnrepeat:
Sometimes when my wife calls me on the phone instead of answering normally I say; "GO!" really loud. She gets pissed EVERY Time I do that. I'm not sure why but it's funny so I keep it up.


.



LOL! I do that too!
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 6:18:45 PM EST
Not married, but my favorite thing to do is bug the hell out of my girlfriend of 3 years (on Sept 12th).

Whenever she asks me something, sometimes I don't hear her and say what. Then she repeats it, and I ask what again. And again. And then she goes "RRGH!" and I laugh and she gets even more frustrated when she realizes I was hearing her all along.

Whenever I wake up in the morning, I sing Drunken Sailor a whole bunch. She thinks there is some reason I'm not telling her, she goes "WHY, WHY DO YOU SING THAT SONG?" and I laugh and sing some more.

I like to tie knots in her hair. She likes when I gently play with her hair, and then 15 minutes later she is yelling at me as I run away.

Her mother found a Spyderco knife that someone lost, bent tip, and gave it to me. She got upset that her mom gave the knife to me and not her, and now I'm even happier since brand new that knife is listed at 133 dollars!
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 6:27:26 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/2/2004 6:30:58 PM EST by pathfinder74]
I tell me wife she is doing it wrong... whatever it is she is doing... folding laundry, puting dishes in the drying rack, etc. She sees red when I do that. But it's one of the only things I know I can use to get her going.

HOWEVER, she has a laundry list of things she does to me since I'm obsessive compulsive:
- she leaves shit all over the house (clothes, towels, shoes, etc)
- doesn't put things back in their place
- leaves cabinet doors open
- leaves the toilet seat cover up
- doesn't rinse dishes off and lets the food harden and crust on them over night
- empty toilet paper tube on the holder
- toothpaste chunks in the sink
the list goes on and on.

And this stuff bothers me even while I'm medicated. I probably need to go back th my shrink and have him up my dosage.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:20:57 PM EST
One thing that works is while we are driving or watching TV is to turn my head, stretch out my neck and stare at her for a few seconds and then turn my head back forward fast if she looks at me. Drives her nuts.
Go to buy a 12 pack and when the clerk asked if I want a bag say "No, I brought my own". Whapp, Smack.
When getting check cashed in a drive threw I was asked how many dogs were in the car. I replied, "One..... the other is my wife". Whapp, Smack.
When she is on the phone to her mother I try to get her horny (you know what I mean) and moan like I'm just getting off. Oh, baby, that feels sooooooo goood!!!!!!! Moan.... grunt.... Whapp....smack.
Wait til my wife is coming out of a store while I'm in the car and in my best Cheech and Chong voice yell loadly "heh Baby.... lookin' good.... wanna go for a ride???" and then she gets in the car and people all around look at her like, WTF???? LOL Whapp... smack.
Rub on the wifes nipples before we go into a store to get them hard. LOL
Did this with an ex girlfriend with snooping neighbors with thin walls between bedroom is howl like a wolf while having sex with her. Neighbor would keep asking what the hell we were doing. LOL

I could go on and on and....... LOL
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:27:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By TimJ:
I'll fart in public and blame her.
I don't do much to deliberately piss her off, she's always pissed at me anyway




LOL +1

Once we werre walking down an aisle in Walmart and there was this tiny, little old lady trying to read the back of a bottle of Windex or something like that and as we walked behind her I let one FLY. Prolly one of my loudest farts ever. The lady acted like she didn't even hear it and my girlfriend turned dark red and took off running. I said "it's OK honey you don't have to be ashamed everyone does it!" and she started laughing hysterically. I didn't get any for a week but it was well worth it.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:33:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By SPECTRE:
Exist.



+297.486987511655
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:46:42 PM EST
I do not have to try. It comes naturally for me.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:48:32 PM EST
damn near anything I did, would set her off like a ICBM

Mission accomplished
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:49:17 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/2/2004 7:49:43 PM EST by Arkansas_Rocketman]
I can't believe that none of you "real men" have said:

PISS ON THE TOILET SEAT!!!!!

Works with my wife every time!
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 7:58:22 PM EST
OK ........ I'll let you in on the secret that I found when one left her " How To Be A Woman " handbook laying around in a pad locked box at the back of her closet under 200 pairs of shoes .

RULE # 1 . If your man is happy , you are not doing your job !!!

I suppose I'll be killed in some freak accident now ..... but it was worth it
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 8:06:19 PM EST
I dont have one so Im fored to piss off other people.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 8:18:37 PM EST
Find something to make noise with, and do it constantly.

Myself, I like to get silverware and bang it against something for hours on end.
If not silverware then a screwdriver, or clicking a pen, just something.
If she has a headache too, all the better.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 8:22:52 PM EST
Oh, just being me. Shes a firecraker anyway.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 8:48:35 PM EST
Mine has no interest in guns. She shows total disinterest when I try to show her a new one.
So, I quit letting her know when I got new ones.
Now she's paranoid that I'm stock piling them behind her back.
When I'm running around town, she'll call to see what I'm up to.
No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I tell her I'm at a gun shop making a payment on, or picking up a new gun.
Because she's not familiar with them, I could bring a new one home every day (if I could afford it), and she would be none the wiser.

Link Posted: 9/2/2004 9:08:19 PM EST
This is some funny shit... I'll have to think abt it. I'm sure that I have a few things that pisses her off.
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 9:17:42 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/2/2004 9:21:09 PM EST by bull_8]
I know better than to piss mine off, she's a jail nurse!

If you don't know better- NEVER, I repeat, NEVER piss off a jail nurse.

OTH, I always get her riled up when I say I need to get more ammo and toys

Boy is she gonna be pissed when she sees all the ammo I bought today (I pick her up from her parents Beach house tomorrow)

Tis better to beg for forgiveness, than to ask for permission
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 9:41:28 PM EST

Originally Posted By heathen:
One thing that works is while we are driving or watching TV is to turn my head, stretch out my neck and stare at her for a few seconds and then turn my head back forward fast if she looks at me. Drives her nuts.
Go to buy a 12 pack and when the clerk asked if I want a bag say "No, I brought my own". Whapp, Smack.
When getting check cashed in a drive threw I was asked how many dogs were in the car. I replied, "One..... the other is my wife". Whapp, Smack.
When she is on the phone to her mother I try to get her horny (you know what I mean) and moan like I'm just getting off. Oh, baby, that feels sooooooo goood!!!!!!! Moan.... grunt.... Whapp....smack.
Wait til my wife is coming out of a store while I'm in the car and in my best Cheech and Chong voice yell loadly "heh Baby.... lookin' good.... wanna go for a ride???" and then she gets in the car and people all around look at her like, WTF???? LOL Whapp... smack.
Rub on the wifes nipples before we go into a store to get them hard. LOL
Did this with an ex girlfriend with snooping neighbors with thin walls between bedroom is howl like a wolf while having sex with her. Neighbor would keep asking what the hell we were doing. LOL

I could go on and on and....... LOL



sounds like stuff my friend does to his wife... your initials arnt T.K.M are they??
Link Posted: 9/2/2004 11:27:19 PM EST
My wife gets lippy and sarcastic when pissed. I am more of the calm conversationalist. When she starts up I tell her that when she wants to discuss the problem instead of act one of the 8 year olds I counsel to let me know and I walk away. It's nice when I need some quiet downtime without her yapping.

I will sometimes just stare at a person while in the car or walking and say while pointing at them " I hate that sonavabitch" She'll ask why and I'll say" I dont know, I just do."

Similar to above but I will point or nod towards the person and say "see them? I'm a better person than they are." Both get here flustered.

Or, I'll use some odd ball saying that I have heard, most from my dad growing up. I'll come home and say "What's for dinner, I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk."

Just a few of the many...It's cheap entertainment.

S.O.
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