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Posted: 4/9/2001 11:04:25 PM EDT
Mine was digging a piece of brass out of my hand that was lodged in the bottom joint of my little finger on my right hand - I wont say how it go there and it doesnt sound like much but it was one stubborn bitch and made quite a mess.
Link Posted: 4/9/2001 11:09:18 PM EDT
Front Tooth Extraction.

Yep, Clay pigion/skeet thrower arm got me right in the mouth with a full swing.

Don't ask me what I was doing with my face in front of the machine.
Link Posted: 4/9/2001 11:29:46 PM EDT
The most extreme "self surgery" I've ever even HEARD of belongs to my bosses' old man. The guy pulled all of his teeth himself. Not loose teeth, mind you, just in bad shape, and only had money for either extractions OR dentures. he chose dentures. Pulled 'em all with slip-joint pliers. THAT guys has balls the size of Jupiter!
Link Posted: 4/9/2001 11:52:08 PM EDT
I stapled a three inch cut on my finger that went to the bone. I was pike fishing in a remote lake with two other buddys that did not have medical training. I grabbed the steel leader that was attacthed to a 47 inch pike that was about to come off and flipped it into the boat for my friend OUCH! the leader sliced me to the bone. I always took IV fluids, suture material and advanced stuff since we were a day from civilization. I tried to teach them how to sew it up after I cleaned the crap out of it but they were weanies and couldn't do it.

So I used the little surgical staple kit that was in my wound kit. The lidocaine was actually the hardest to do by myself, was like my muscles didn't want to work as far as the injections went. Thinking back it would have been easier to just use the staples they stung a little but went in fast.

When we got out I had my doc check it out and after he quized me on just how clean I got it before I closed it gave me Duracef and sent me away. The scar is hardly noticable and I still give my buddies chit about not being able to help me.

Hunter out...
Link Posted: 4/9/2001 11:52:23 PM EDT
I played nurse, and assisted putting the 24 stitches, 3 layers deep, in the back of my calf after a work accident. 2 first layer, 7 middles layer, 15 to close.

I also did the first aid on the job, as my friends were sick from the blood...it was a runnin....

I wanted to assist in my ACL repair, but that was nixed by the doc...
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:22:17 AM EDT
I dug a bullet fragment out of a guys jaw one time.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:17:44 AM EDT
Minghunter I assume you have some medical experience.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:17:48 AM EDT
I had planter's warts once.  One on the bottom of each foot.  I was doing alot of walking at the time for Uncle Sam, so they were bothering me something fierce.  Remember I was young, so good judgment was not exactly my strong suit.  They had become all raw and infected from road marching and running, and instead of being a "puss" and going to the doc, I got tired of them and ripped them out with needle nosed pliers!  It took about a hour and a half of work(probably only 5 mins, but it seemed like 1.5 hrs), but I managed to get them whole, root and all.  I'm here to tell you the roots on warts are long suckers.  Anyway, I bled like a stuck hog for about a half hour after that, but it stopped and I felt alot better after it.  PT was hell the next day, but by the end of the week I had no problems at all.  Never had another wart to this day.  My body probably figured out it was better not to get them than to have me ripping them out.

Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:37:02 AM EDT
I pulled a .22 caliber projectile out of my hand.  It had entered through my pinky finger tip, and was at the knuckle but not embedded in any bone.  As far as I know it was a stray shot from a shooting where I am originally from, and probably from quite a distance.  It only had travelled about 2,2.5 inches up my finger before it stopped.  I used my other hand to work the bullet back down towards the entry wound, and pulled it out with needle nosed pliers.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:45:34 AM EDT
Open heart surgery
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:53:23 AM EDT
In my youthful days I was playing a game of mailbox baseball with some friends when the bat(ax handle)snapped in half and removed a front tooth completly without pain. Dam that root canal a few days later was a bitch. Ever had one of those wine bottle cork screws screwed into your mouth only to have the dentist pulled the meat out like he was opening a fine chardonnay? He smiled the whole time. Dam that stung!


Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:04:07 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:11:02 AM EDT
I took my braces off in the head at the Marine recruiting station. My recruiter waited until the day I was supposed to go down to MEPS to tell me that I couldn't go with braces. I told him to wait a minute, went out to the trunk and got the needle nosed pliers out of my toolbox and went to work. The bands on my molars were the hardest part.

When I went back into the office and showed my recruiter, he said I'd fit right in.

Semper Fidelis
Jarhead out.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:27:52 AM EDT
I had a 16d nail driven through my hand by my boss. I got a raise shortly thereafter. I used some needle nose pliers to slide it out and kept working.
An explosion in a tree, 15 feet above me left a chunk of wood imbeded near my kidney that lft a 8 inch scar. No pain meds just a needle and thread.
Stabbed through the liver and cut the lining of my lung. Someone else performed that surgery.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:45:52 AM EDT
had a bump under my skin that was growing and itching real bad for about 6 months,iced it down real good and cut it out took a couple of weeks with a compression bandage to get it to quit bleeding.
another non-surgery i performed was a little gal friend i had lost a bullet(string came off) and asked me for help.
our little secret,she married her high school sweatheart,me i was just a real good friend
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 6:50:54 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:01:17 AM EDT
When I was 8 years old, I was playing baseball and the grounder I was trying to field took a bad hop and hit me in the mouth.  It took my right maxillary central incisor clean out, root and all.  The whole team spent 10 minutes crawling around on the ground trying to find it.  One kid did find it, and they placed the tooth in my hand and we headed for the local dentist.  About halfway to the car, my 8 year old mind was worrying about what the dentist might do to me, so I wiped the tooth off on my jeans and stuck it back in the socket.  The dentist said he couldn't have done a better job himself.  I still have the tooth today, and I'm 26.  

My dentist still kids me that I should have chosen dentistry instead of general surgery.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:02:04 AM EDT
Vasectomy. Seems to work just fine except for the part about the sqeeky, high voice . . .
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:12:22 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:19:46 AM EDT
Planters wart on bottom of my foot when i was a kid. It was painful to walk on,so i got out a knife ,tweezer,finger nail clipper and started digging. You would not believe the roots on those things.  I dug down deep and saw something black,thinking that i had stepped on something and this was just a sliver,i grabbed it with the tweezer and started pulling. Well at about three-eights of an inch the black root turned white and i cut it off there. Bled to beat hell,but healed up fine.  My Dad came home just when i was finishing,said i did a good job. Farmers didn't think a doctor was called for on small jobs like that.  Then there's the cosmetic surgury i tried on a small birthmark on the end of my nose,cut it off a couple of times,but it kept coming back. My Mother said that was enough,took me to doctor and had it burned off,no scar.   Ben
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:21:29 AM EDT
When I was 16 I was going to take my brothers BMX bike next door to my uncles and air up the back tire. Well, we had a nice long twisty driveway so I FLEW down the driveway BUT I forgot the road crew just got done tarring and chipping our road earlier in the day. Very bad thing. As soon as I hit the road I started to lean into a turn and wiped out. Blacked out for a few seconds, I know this because when I came to there was still dust in the air. I attempted to get up but felt a pain and some weight on my knee. Yep, you guessed it, I put the end of the kick stand right through my knee cap. Picked up the bike and slid it out, stood up using the bike to support my weight and all was good unitl I put weight on it. Soon as I did tissue, fat, and blood strarted oozing out a good clip and it was the most incredible pain I have felt to date.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:23:32 AM EDT
I once had a bump on the side of my tongue about the size of a pencil eraser.  I finally got tired of it and iced it down real good, soaked a pair of toenail clippers in alcohol, and mustered up the nerve to remove it with one fell swoop.  The anticipation was worse than the procedure as it turned out.

In my early teens I removed a piece of #8 shot about an inch deep in my shoulder.  Without going into details, let's just say it was one of those stupid things young people do.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:27:50 PM EDT
Plucked my eye brows !!!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:41:51 PM EDT
I was born with ingroan toenails.  The skin is over the top portion of my big toe. About every couple of week I have to do a little self surgery to keep walking.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:46:48 PM EDT
Had a ingrown toenail once that was really bothering me. Took a nice sharp knife and started cutting away until I reached the offending toenail. It was a bloodly mess and I could not walk for a week after that. These days I tend to leave them alone to grow out by themself. [:)]
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:53:21 PM EDT
doctorfireant, I love to see a sense of humor.  That is the worst of my "self surgeries" too.  However, I do think that it is interesting to read about other people's experiences.  I respect every single one of you.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 12:54:37 PM EDT
I had this cellulitis (big puss filled cavity) over my femeral artery,  As I worked in the local ER I had seen this done several times before.  If those nitwits could do it so could I!  Well I shaved the area (no NOT that area!)  srubbed it down with betadine (surgical disinfectant) got a sterile #11 blade on a plastic handle and dug in.    OOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!   MY GOD!!!!!!   What a bloody pussey (note the spelling IS correct,the extra e is important here!) mess!  

Well...at work the next day I got caught changing the dressing (yes with my pants down around my ankles)  a Doc took a look, numbed me up (good idea) & opened me up!  Asked if I did IV drugs,  told him if I did I sure wouldn't do it in to my femeral artery!!  (in the crease of your leg at your groin)

I spent the next week in the hospital on IV antibiotics, having to listen to everyone ask to borrow my 'Time-Life Home Surgery' book!!  I got a lot of extra dressing changes, and those caring nurses always wanted to see how the scar was healing.  I won't bore you with the details of the spit...uhhh...sponge baths      [:P]
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:07:24 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Jim Beam:
Minghunter I assume you have some medical experience.
View Quote

I was a FF/Paragod for 5 years, but was not current at the time. Everytime I go out into the bush I pick up a couple 1000 ml volume expanders from my old buds at the FD and my Lidocaine is on a script written by the doc that taught me wound care.

When you are in remote Alaska you have to be able to deal with things yourself or die...

Hunter out...
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:18:37 PM EDT
Ah yes, the old in-grown toenails. I have had many self-surgical sessions.  It has been touch and go a few times: sweat on the brow + passing in and out of conciousness etc. from the pain. But all in all, I'd have to say I have done some horrific damage to myself. [chainsawkill]
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:26:04 PM EDT
It was my first day at A&M.  My new roommate helped me unload my car which I had parked in 30 min..  We got preoccupied talking and getting to know one another that we both forgot about my car.  When we did remember, we both went down in our pj's, however she had houseshoes on, and I was in such a hurry that i did not bother to put any on.  While walking back from parking my car, I stepped on a 2in long point of glass that went through my foot.  After I pulled it out and the blood dripped onto the concrete, I heard what sounded like a monkey on crack.  MY ROOMMATE WAS GOING NUTS!  Did I mention that this was the first day that we had ever met????

We laugh about it now.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:28:30 PM EDT
In this incredibly(sp) chicken sh$t country we now find ourselves living in,we can more than likely be charged with practicing medicine without a license!!!Ben    
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:30:30 PM EDT
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:38:51 PM EDT
When I was about 12 years old I thought it was really fun to ride my bike really fast up the driveway and loop back down. It was fun until I didn't quite make the turn, slammed into the side of a concrete planter box causing me to fly over the handlebars and smash my knee on a big lava rock. Not wanting to be yelled at for being so stupid I ran into the house the best I could with my knee torn open and gushing blood. After pouring h2o2 on the wound I managed to control the bleeding by putting 6 band aids on. Took around 3 weeks for it to heal. It probably would have taken 4 or 5 stitches to close and about 2 hours of getting screamed at if I said anything.

Another time I had a really bad toothache and since I didn't have insurance I didn't want my money to go to a dentist instead of more important stuff like guns. I took some dental floss and kept digging around the tooth that hurt. Then got the magical h2o2 and swished around my mouth until some of it managed to get into the cavity. It felt like electricity shooting through the top of my skull. Since I didn't have anything to fill the hole with, I pushed in plaque which later turned into tartar. Voila! Natural filling!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 1:55:29 PM EDT
Ingrown toenails...both sides of the big toes for me, once a month, digging the nail which grows sideways, actually cutting my skin. Requires an hour of clippers, needles for prying, and usually, the small blade of my pocketknife(sterilized), and some blood, some quiet cursing, loud shouting, and some really chewed up nails and cuticles. Once a month. [:(]

I jammed a pencil deep into my wrist at age 14 or so, missed the vein by a fraction, not the artery luckily. Then went after the boken off tip, wood and all, with tweezers. Crazy, stupid, and shockingly painful, but my parent told me to "just leave it", and I couldn't, it hurt to dang much.

That's about it, except for the general "fall down, lose 4" patch of skin, repair with neosporin and wrap in Ace bandage" stuff young kids all have done. I'll let you know if I rip out this huge wisdom tooth in the next week or so.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 2:15:02 PM EDT
Just this morning I popped a zit on my nose.

Does this count?
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 2:15:02 PM EDT
Well after a night of indiscretion, I started to worry about the consequences.  I started to imagine that it burned when I urinated and that I had some discharge, I didn't.  So I decide to treat myself.  I loaded up a syringe, wiped the area on my butt with some alcohol and held the needle above that spot for what seemed an hour. I just couldn't do it to myself and I was too embarassed to ask someone.  I got it in finally and boy did that sucker hurt!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 2:21:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 2:39:30 PM EDT
I had the misfortune of sitting directly upon the bottom of a broken bottle as a teenager, and knowing straight away that I had dome some serious damage, I politely excuse myself from the present female company, and wandered home, and straight up to the bathroom to have a look.

I had a two inch gash, about 3/4" deep. It was tough getting my ass high enough, and getting the right angle, to see the cut in the bathroom mirror, but I eventually managed.

I just closed it up with three butterfly stitches, and it healed pretty quickly.

I also have a few of those "skin tags" or whatever they are called. I did some research on the net to see how they're removed. I couldn't find much, but I did read that some doctors freeze them off.

Being the genius that I am, I remembered that can of aero duster I had, and how it freezes things when you spray it upside down.

So, it's off to the bathroom mirror, and I take aim and give one a good freezing blast. The overspray scorches the skin all around it, but it does freeze, and two days later, it looks like I burned myself, but the skin tag is gone.

So the next two, I was more careful with my aim, and using a tiny trickle out of the tube, I freeze two more of the buggers real good and solid. Now I'm waiting to see if they dry up and fall off. I'll keep this thread posted on the results. [:)]

Link Posted: 4/10/2001 3:00:47 PM EDT
I took out an appendix once and got $500........We are talking about that old game operation right????? [;D] Never did have a steady hand for that game. I think I had A.D.D. as a kid
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:28:30 PM EDT
I read an article in JAMA a few years ago about some Einstien who was "pleasuring " himself on a belt of some machinery at his work. something grabbed him and he woke up on the floor to find his bag ripped open, and a jewell missing. He went to the shipping dept, and used one of those huge box staplers to close up his yamsack, and went back to work. A few days later he was in the emergency room with a very rotten,stinky,enlarged package, and he then explained what he had done . OUCH !!
No, it wasn't me......really!!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:41:13 PM EDT
I removed a shotgun primer out of my hip.  It went off when I burned some rubbish and did not know that I had some primers in a box in the fire.  I had to cut open the side of my hip with an xacto knife and used needle nose pliers to spread it so I could use a second pair to take out the four pieces.  They were at least an inch into my hip....I then poured some scotch on the wound and taped it tight!

I never went to the Dr about it as it looked alot like a bullet wound.  Mind you I had turned away from the fire just as it went off.  If I had not I would have been hit right in the family jewels!!!!  Then I would have been at the hospital.  Ouch

Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:49:08 PM EDT
Broke up with a girlfriend once- she was a pain in my ass.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 4:57:13 PM EDT
How in hell could you people bare that kind of pain???
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:03:19 PM EDT
I'm feeling a little light headed..
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:12:17 PM EDT
Got my right ear ripped off exiting the door of a C-130 on my 45th jump.  Darn thing was lodged in the collar of my shirt when I got to the ground.  Strange feeling holding a severed peice of your own body in your hand.  The docs got it sewed back on okay.  Got me a few days vacation for that one.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 5:52:50 PM EDT
I used to do a lot of striper fishing.  Big striper.........15-35 lbs.

Naturally for big fish you need big hooks.  This particular day I was using one of the largest Rattle Traps made.  I forget the actual treble hook size.

I hooked a fish in the 12-18 lb range and got it in the boat.  As I was reaching for the lure with a pair of long pliers the fish thrashed and solidly planted one entire hook on the underside of my right index finger.  All that was showing was a little bit of shank.  The barb did not come back through and so was inside my finger.

Well, knowing that I could not back the hook out this left only one option.  Push it on through and out again.  After a bit of anesthetic (4 beers) I managed to force the hook through my finger and have my buddy cut the barb off so I could then back it back out again.

I am just thankful that my line broke when the fish thrashed or I would have had a really big striper attached to this lure in my finger.

Gawd that would have been a freakin nightmare.

I really enjoyed that moment and often look back on it with fond remembrance.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 6:15:54 PM EDT
I  got out of a high mountain hot spring and to cool off put my head under a water fall of ice cold water. I woke up face down in the creek. Felt the blood from a number of cuts to my forehead trickeling down my face. Walked about 2 miles to my truck and used the mirrors and some stuff my nurse friend had given me to sew up just such a problem. 5 stiches to one eyebrow and 5 to my cheek. Came out fine.
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 6:55:45 PM EDT
When I was 14 I had several warts on my hand, since I lived on a farm and dairy we had liquid nitrogen for the artificial insemination tank, stuck a brass rod in the nitrogen for a few minutes then stuck it to the skin. HOLY CRAP did that hurt, and guess what, they came back in a month!! Finally had to go to a doc and get them burned off. Mmmm fried chicked anyone??!!!

Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:03:01 PM EDT
I used to work in the construction business back east. It was mid December and I was doing some framing with a compressed air nail gun. The gun jammed and I had gloves on and inadvertently pulled on the front to get the nails out while inadvertently pulling the trigger with my right hand struggling with the tool and shot 2 framing nails through my index finger on my left hand. They went clear through just missing the bone! I dropped the nail gun and proceeded to pull the nails back out of my finger when I pulled them all the way out I thought I was in a cartoon when blood started shooting out of my finger in a stream! I wrapped my glove around it with some duct tape till I could get a doctor to look at it. I had to finish the job or it was going to cost me another day of labor so I waited 6 hours to go to the hospital. The doc said the nails cut some elastic thing's in my finger and it would have fell off if I hadn't taped it to the glove! Live and learn!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:05:25 PM EDT
I had some sort of wart in my palm which was so painful so I got a razorblade and just sliced it off. I then put off my cigarette in the wound which was the same diameter as a pencil eraser.


did you know that your wife did not have to pull the sea urchin's spine out of your toe, You could just have gotten a plastic bag with no holes, pee on it and put your foot in. The urine will melt the spine in just a couple of minutes. Not to mention the warm soothing feeling you get with your piss.

And I am not joking!!!!!
Link Posted: 4/10/2001 7:20:30 PM EDT
I've cut several warts off with fingernail clippers. I didn't mind cause there was no pain. They kept coming back so I finally figured out to cut into the live skin. Haven't seen em since.

Not [i]self[/i]-surgery, but I did jump from a perfectly good aircraft from 3,500 feet once without a good parachute. ADD malfunctioned and shot my reserve out and twisted it around my main. Might as well have had about a garbage bag for a chute. Fortunatley (at about 70 mph) I hit soft earth and lived still with use of my legs and only 2 destroyed vertebrae.
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