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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 2/27/2002 7:15:32 AM EST
French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taliban of Non-Existence of God . The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else. Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover,gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacyof the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking." Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area. Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe. This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban's fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. Follow me or die."
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 10:14:53 AM EST
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 10:38:26 AM EST
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 10:51:30 AM EST
hahahahaha thanks that was great!
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 11:00:25 AM EST
Funny... you do that yourself, DavidC? Very dry sense of humor. Keep up the good work!
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 11:42:44 AM EST
[url]http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/exis.htm[/url] Whatever happened to quoting sources when you copy someone else's work?
Link Posted: 2/27/2002 12:39:34 PM EST
BostonTeaParty [ur]www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/exis.htm[/url] Whatever happened to quoting sources when you copy someone else's work?
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I almost always do, however this was mailed to me unsourced, and I thought I would share it.
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