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Posted: 10/31/2004 10:42:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/31/2004 10:45:18 AM EDT by raven]

FUN FACTS ABOUT HALLIBURTON

* Halliburton gets its name from the last name of Lucifer Halliburton, prince of darkness.

* Halliburton the corporation was founded right after Adam and Eve were expelled from paradise and soon got a sole-source contract for building their house.

* The cross Christ was crucified on - all Halliburton. They had sole-source on that for the Romans.

* During the Dark Ages, Halliburton labored long and hard to find a way to pollute the world using the technology available, but ended up on just causing the crusades since they had the sole-source on chain mail and the pope was a former CEO of theirs.

* While Andrew Jackson was president, Halliburton was able to get a contract to randomly destroy forest and kill woodland creatures for no particular reason.

* In the 80's, Halliburton researched how to turn puppies into nuclear waste that they could then put in the water of school children.

* After Cheney became CEO, Halliburton made money by bulldozing orphanages in third world countries to make chemical weapons plants to use on kittens.

* Some are confused exactly what business Halliburton does. Its main products are pollution, hatred, death, and lawn furniture.

* Remember when you didn't get that toy you wanted for Christmas? It was because of Halliburton!

* In Iraq, Halliburton has a couple people instructed to bang a hammer against pieces of wood to pretend they're constructing something while the rest of the employees work on stealing all that sweet, sweet oil.

* Halliburton saves money on labor by using slave labor. They save money on slave drivers by just giving whips to angry gorillas.

* Know who canceled the original Star Trek? Halliburton!

* Halliburton contractors in Iraq have been instructed to strap Iraqi children to themselves to protect themselves from bullets.

* Halliburton holds the patents on strife, suffering, genocide, and pure evil.

* Despite seemingly cutting contact with Halliburton and its profits, Cheney gets a dollar from Halliburton each time an innocent civilian in Iraq is killed.

* In a fight between Aquaman and Halliburton, Aquaman would be bribed with a cushy job to not tell the press how Halliburton is dumping waste in the ocean (hey, the ocean is two thirds of the earth; where else are you supposed to dump waste?).

* In the movie Planet of the Apes, know who blew up the Statue of Liberty? Halliburton!

* Reliable polemic, government-controlled newspapers in the Middle East say that not only is Halliburton part of the Great Satan, it's also run by jooooos!

* Halliburton has gotten its pollution so efficient, it soon should be able to produce pure pollution without any commercial byproduct.

* Halliburton has done business with America's sworn enemies such as Libya, Iran, and France.

* It's in the Halliburton mission statement to put evil and the customer before profit.

www.imao.us/archives/002041.html
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:07:02 PM EDT
Somehow, before I got to the bottom of the list, I KNEW Frank J. had written that!
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:08:27 PM EDT
I shouldn't be laughing so hard......
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:09:34 PM EDT
Kittens? KITTENS!!???
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:11:40 PM EDT
OMFG...
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:12:46 PM EDT


* Some are confused exactly what business Halliburton does. Its main products are pollution, hatred, death, and lawn furniture.



Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:32:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/31/2004 1:33:59 PM EDT by the]
Before I got to the bottom of your post, I too said, "This sounds an awful lot like Frank J."

That dude rules.
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:40:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mr_camera_man:


* Some are confused exactly what business Halliburton does. Its main products are pollution, hatred, death, and lawn furniture.






Thats my favorie too
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:46:04 PM EDT
Halliburton contractors in Iraq have been instructed to strap Iraqi children to themselves to protect themselves from bullets

Man, so why are people crying about the lack of body armor, jeez, this is real body armor.
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:52:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/31/2004 1:52:59 PM EDT by Boom_Stick]
* Halliburton is responsible for creation of Spezshul Wepuns and Hesse arms.
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 1:55:16 PM EDT
Remember, kids, it wasn't the Jews that killed Jesus, it was Halliburton!
Link Posted: 10/31/2004 2:11:39 PM EDT
Haliburton = 666 in numeralology.
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