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Posted: 4/28/2011 5:15:44 AM EDT
Massive rainstorm yesterday. Got up this morning to let the dog out, and found this under my front porch:




You probably can't tell, but that sucker's about a foot and a half long. The porch is completedly surrounded with lattice except for a small area under the stairs. To get under there he'd have had to squeeze through that opening, and fall off a foot high concrete slab. There's no way he's going to find his way out again, so I'm going to have to remove a 5 foot section of lattice.

Stupid, stupid turtle.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:18:00 AM EDT
He looks friendly.

You should pet him.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:18:23 AM EDT
-1 for no long gun
-1 for no long gun reloads
-1 for no handgun
-1 for no handgun reloads
-1 for no tacticool knife
-1 for no napkin
-1 for no beverage

3/10

but + 10000 if you eat it raw.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:18:38 AM EDT
holy s***... thats a snapping turtle... dont get your fingers close to his head!!!
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:18:41 AM EDT
Turn him into soup!
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:19:09 AM EDT
Bam!!!


http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/turtle-soup-recipe/index.html
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:20:01 AM EDT
that may be a gopher turtle...if so dont kill it!! protected...
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:20:29 AM EDT
I bed he finds his way out.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:21:18 AM EDT
Ingredients
1 1/2 pound turtle meat (remove ALL fat)
2 3/4 teaspoon salt, in all
3/4 teaspoon cayenne, in all
6 cups water
1 stick butter
1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 cup chopped onions
2 tablespoons minced shallots
1/4 cup chopped bell peppers
1/4 cup chopped celery
3 bay leaves
1/2 teaspoon dried leaf thyme
2 tablespoons minced garlic
1 cup chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup Worcestershire sauce
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup dry sherry
1/4 cup chopped parsley
1/2 cup chopped green onions
4 hard boiled eggs, finely chopped
2 tablespoons chopped green onions
2 tablespoons chopped hard boiled eggs
Directions
Put the turtle meat in a large saucepan with 1 teaspoon of salt, 1/4 teaspoon cayenne and the water. Bring to a boil. Skim off any foam that rises to the top. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 20 minutes. With a slotted spoon transfer the meat to a platter. Cut the meat into 1/2 inch dice and reserve the liquid. In another large sauce pan, combine the butter and flour over medium heat, stirring constantly for 6 to 8 minutes to make a dark roux. Add the onions, shallots, bell peppers and celery. Stir occasionally and cook for 2 to 3 minutes until the vegetables are slightly tender. Add the bay leaves, thyme and garlic, cook for 2 minutes. Add the tomatoes and the turtle meat. Cook for 5 to 6 minutes stirring occasionally. Add the Worcestershire sauce, the remaining salt and cayenne, the turtle stock (about 6 cups) lemon juice, and sherry. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium and simmer for 10 minutes. Add the parsley, green onions, and eggs and simmer for 45 minutes. Garnish with green onions and chopped eggs
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:25:48 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/28/2011 5:27:44 AM EDT by RaisedByWolves]

Originally Posted By DoubleTaps:
holy s***... thats a snapping turtle... dont get your fingers close to his head!!!

Fuck the head area, their neck is about a foot long at that size and they can nearly bite their own tail.


Your best off using a gravel rake and scooting him along with it.

.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:26:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Molotov357:
I bed he finds his way out.


God, I hope so. He'll have to either climb up a foot high vertical concrete slab to get back out under the stairs, or dig his way out. There's trails through the dirt under there showing he's gone all the way around looking for an exit, so I don't think he's going to do either.

My choices will be either wait until he dies, then remove the lattice and drag the body out before it starts to stink, or remove the lattice and either wait for him to get out on his own, or try and drag him out with a rake or something... can these suckers move fast on land? There's only about 3 feet of clearance under there, if he comes at me while I'm under there it'll be trouble.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:29:10 AM EDT
It will take him about 6mo to die from lack of food.


And yeah, they can be relatively fast when pissed.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:34:11 AM EDT
I think you should call him ralph and paint a BFL on his back.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:40:38 AM EDT
One hand to grab the front of the shell and one to grab the back. Or if you are really chicken you can pick it up with a flat-nosed shovel and drop it in a big plastic lexan. No need to remove any fence.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:44:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Windustsearch:
One hand to grab the front of the shell and one to grab the back. Or if you are really chicken you can pick it up with a flat-nosed shovel and drop it in a big plastic lexan. No need to remove any fence.


No, man, it's under my front porch, which is completed enclosed with a lattice. There's no way to get in there to get him, or let him out, without removing some of that lattice.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:45:52 AM EDT


I must be seeing the picture wrong.


We are talking about a turtle right?


Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:46:36 AM EDT
Originally Posted By DaveAlpern:
Originally Posted By Windustsearch:
One hand to grab the front of the shell and one to grab the back. Or if you are really chicken you can pick it up with a flat-nosed shovel and drop it in a big plastic lexan. No need to remove any fence.


No, man, it's under my front porch, which is completed enclosed with a lattice. There's no way to get in there to get him, or let him out, without removing some of that lattice.


You can't fit under there, gotcha. It might be easier to dig a hole under the fence it can fit through, then fill it back in after it gets out. But it should be able to scale a 1 foot concrete step.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:49:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By snowcrab:


I must be seeing the picture wrong.


We are talking about a turtle right?




18-24 inch long, 20 pound or so snapping turtle, yes. Found it's way into an enclosed space where getting him out will be a pain.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:50:04 AM EDT
I know arfcom has a fascination with rare meat, but that's taking it a little too far.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:51:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ciraxis:
I think you should call him ralph and paint a BFL on his back.

this ^^
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:52:25 AM EDT
Well, looks like you have to burn your house down.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 5:56:52 AM EDT
Another thing you could try if there is space is to set something about 6" tall in front of the concrete, might be easier for it to figure out it can climb out if it can easily climb that.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:10:47 AM EDT
As another poster mentioned, there are two ways to go about grabbing this joker. In both cases you're holding on to the top edge of the shell.

One hand in back above the tail, the other supporting underneath. He can scratch you with his hind legs, but no biting.

One hand above the head and the other above the tail.


When I was a kid we used to catch snapping turtles all the time. If he's as big as you say he is, he's lived a pretty good while. No sense in killing him.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:20:19 AM EDT
I like turtles.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:21:36 AM EDT
Sweet opossum!!


Post him on CL
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:26:40 AM EDT
Is this you?

Turtle Man
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:27:05 AM EDT
That's a big turtle. I agree that he needs a BFL painted on his back.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:31:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By DaveAlpern:
Originally Posted By snowcrab:


I must be seeing the picture wrong.


We are talking about a turtle right?




18-24 inch long, 20 pound or so snapping turtle, yes. Found it's way into an enclosed space where getting him out will be a pain.


I missed the enclosed space part.


Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:31:47 AM EDT
Remove the lattice. Grab him by the tail and hold him out away from anything you want to keep.

I move them out of the road all the time.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:34:31 AM EDT
It looks.....tastey.

Dinner pic? You will get lots of points for killing/cleaning it yourself.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:36:52 AM EDT
Turn him over. He'll become your friend.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:37:13 AM EDT
they love to be scratched under the chin.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:42:52 AM EDT
What round for snapping turtle......


No seriously, Is it possible to call animal control?
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:43:18 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Flamicane:
Is this you?

Turtle Man



Yes. That's me. Except I have all my teeth, and rather than wallowing in ponds half naked, i work in an office wearing a shirt and tie. And I'm from New Jersey, not Kentucky. But other than that, we could be twins.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:47:01 AM EDT
Turtle, turtle, turtle..............
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:48:09 AM EDT
His neck is fast so watch that, otherwise it can't move that fast on land.

Find the section of fence furthest away from him, pull it out, wait till he leaves, put it back. or cut his head off now and cook him up per the recipe above.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 6:53:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:01:09 AM EDT
It might have flown in. When it wants to leave, it'll fly out.




mm
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:01:50 AM EDT
Cute!
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:04:31 AM EDT
Common snapping turtle. Remove the lattice and pull him out by the tail. Keep the head away from any parts of your body. Put him in a bucket or something and dump off in nearest body of water. It is probably a female looking to lay eggs. They're good eating, we used to eat them quite often back home in the midwest.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:04:56 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:04:56 AM EDT
It's there to lay eggs.

It will just back up and hiss at you...unless you get close. Then it will snap really, really fast.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:08:33 AM EDT


at the zoo when my 4 yr old daughter spotted this
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:12:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DaveAlpern:
Originally Posted By Molotov357:
I bed he finds his way out.


God, I hope so. He'll have to either climb up a foot high vertical concrete slab to get back out under the stairs, or dig his way out. There's trails through the dirt under there showing he's gone all the way around looking for an exit, so I don't think he's going to do either.

My choices will be either wait until he dies, then remove the lattice and drag the body out before it starts to stink, or remove the lattice and either wait for him to get out on his own, or try and drag him out with a rake or something... can these suckers move fast on land? There's only about 3 feet of clearance under there, if he comes at me while I'm under there it'll be trouble.

Don't be a pussy, for fuck sakes.

Take the lattice off (I know, it's a big job ) and set that fucker free.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:12:52 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:15:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By SevenMaryThree:
It's there to lay eggs.

It will just back up and hiss at you...unless you get close. Then it will snap really, really fast.



Really? I guess that makes sense... there's a pond across the street from us, and a lake behind us, and we have a creek running through the yard, I guess, for hte suburbs, this is as close to ideal snapping turle country as you'll find. When do snapping turtle eggs hatch?
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:16:38 AM EDT
build a small ramp for it to climb up the 1 ft step. a 2 ft long pice of 2x8 or 2 2x6's screwed together should work.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:17:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:26:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
Originally Posted By DaveAlpern:
Originally Posted By SevenMaryThree:
It's there to lay eggs.

It will just back up and hiss at you...unless you get close. Then it will snap really, really fast.



Really? I guess that makes sense... there's a pond across the street from us, and a lake behind us, and we have a creek running through the yard, I guess, for hte suburbs, this is as close to ideal snapping turle country as you'll find. When do snapping turtle eggs hatch?


IIRC, July. They will be about an inch across when they hatch. They are really cute little shits.


Thanks! I'll free the mother when I get home tonight. In July I'll keep an eye out when mowing.
Link Posted: 4/28/2011 7:28:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DaveAlpern:
Originally Posted By Flamicane:
Is this you?

Turtle Man



Yes. That's me. Except I have all my teeth, and rather than wallowing in ponds half naked, i work in an office wearing a shirt and tie. And I'm from New Jersey, not Kentucky. But other than that, we could be twins.

Poor bastard.......


.
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