Posted: 8/31/2011 4:00:45 AM EDT
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I was bored and found this link last night... It's like one of those mad libs where you provide a few words and then see what the story turns into. Only it's a bad Star Trek TNG movie.
So I decided to fill it out... ARFCOM style. (mostly, except for the stuff with Troi... I hate her so she dies) 
http://www.impossiblefunky.com/tngpg.html My story: Star Trek:The ARFCOM Generation Written By:geekz0r The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a sunrise in a Walmart parking lot. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are shopping for pink camouflage. During this scene, Picard complains about dupe threads. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must name someone's new dog in GD. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data talks about pie. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a zombie invasion! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that Zero plans to steal all the Dillos, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to SYSTEM MESSAGE, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Zero Herp Derp, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Zero Herp Derp is not REALLY that bad, because this villian claims, "It was Bush's fault!" repeatedly. The crew then learns that ARFCOM is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Hello Dolly.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf has an unintentional discharge with a Glock. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, gets run over by a shopping cart and dies. A little later, Data's cat Spot takes a dump in walnut tumbling media. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Walmart parking lot. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, Geordie says "Capn! I canna change the laws of physics!" and jerry rigs the ship anyway. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Pics or GTFO!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Zero Herp Derp has a bottle of Dillo Dust! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'FUAROCK!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Zero Herp Derp, the crew get ordered to put their phasers on the counter. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Zero Herp Derp. Soon, Riker shoots at Troi's corpse. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called EdSr's Bear Pit. Almost defeated, Zero Herp Derp, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his bottle of Dillo Dust! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Zero Herp Derp by destroying his teleprompter. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily blading his phaser at 45 degrees saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with dupe threads. Picard then gives a speech about the importance of gun rights. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END Congratulations! You have now written a Next Generation movie that's just as good as the ones shown at theaters! Print this movie out and send it to Rick Berman! |
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Star Trek:Annilation
Written By:SnowLeopard The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see Aztecs. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing the ponies. During this scene, Picard complains about being cleaned out. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must pay respects. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data wins BIG. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving activated self destruct! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that the deck was stacked, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Ron Jeremy, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Calerk, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Calerk is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is loaded. The crew then learns that Cheron is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I am Woman.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf is smaller than Ron. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, pops out of the cake. A little later, Data shorts the pooltable. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the a bathhouse. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, Wesley is drafted. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'WASTE THEM!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Calerk has a Ron Cloner! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Sounds good, let's vaporize it!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Calerk, Riker is charged with sexual harassment. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Calerk. Soon, Riker shoots at Wesley. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called Lost Causes. Almost defeated, Calerk, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Ron Cloner! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Calerk by burying him in dung. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Sonya Gomez saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being cleaned out. Picard then gives a speech about being king. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END ____________________________________________________________ ("Star WARS, made me a FOR-TUNE!, paid off the MORGAGE!, gotmeacar!"––supposedly, David Prowse's version of the the theme song, (w,stte)) |
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Star Trek:The Obamic Generation
Written By:Frank Symptoms The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a shot of a corpulent man, gazing out his window at the White House. He is wearing a tutu. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are prancing about the White House, wearing pink taffetta. During this scene, Picard complains about wealthy Americans not sharing their money.. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must generate a noisy protest at a Sarah Palin rally.. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data makes a point about the wealthy creating jobs, and is switched off.. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker makingan obscene proposition to Sarah Palin.! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Wesley Crusher has a crush on him., and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to John de Lancie. ("Q from the original ST series) who reveals that he is jealous of either Wesley or Picard., though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Geosoros, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Geosoros is not REALLY that bad, because this villian counsels Wesley about his crush on Picard.. The crew then learns that San Francisco is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Daisy' as he is switched off..' The audience groans. A little later, Worf is caught doing the Mambo in the privacy of his cabin while wearing a grass skirt. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, shares a joint with Q.. A little later, Worf desperately tries to hide his grass skirt.. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the hot tub in San Francisco. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, Guinan pretends to be Harvey Mudd. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Oh, SNAP!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Geosoros has a plan to nationalize the health industry! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Grab your ankles, here it comes again!!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Geosoros, Beverly Crusher removes her own appendix.. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Geosoros. Soon, Riker shoots at Todd Palin. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called Sanity. Almost defeated, Geosoros, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his plan to nationalize the health industry! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Geosoros by talking reason to a certain dark-skinned diplomat. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Wesley, who gives him unneeded rescue breathing saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with wealthy Americans not sharing their money.. Picard then gives a speech about Abraham Lincoln. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END |
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it saddens me that they never could make a good TNG movie. The show was very good, but when it came time to make a movie, they always fucked it up. I would have been happy with more episodes of the show. First Contact was the best one, and I really liked it the first time I saw it, but it has not stood up to repeated viewing. There are good moments in all of them, but as a whole, they sucked. |
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Star Trek:Showercookie
Written By:DriveNASCAR The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt. After the credits, we see a pool party. This confuses the audience to no end. Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are in the shower, enjoying a chocolate chip cookie. During this scene, Picard complains about same-sex marriage. There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must attend a Westboro Baptist Church protest. Thus, beginning their mission. When they arrive at this mission, Data blades at 45 degrees. This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a lootie stealing the photon torpedos! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately. Later on, Picard finally finds out that that America's major cities are filled with potential looties, and thus the plot of the film finally begins. As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to the daughter from Sons Of Guns, though this person doesn't really help anything. Then, Dave_A, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Dave_A is not REALLY that bad, because this villian will vote for a RINO to keep an equally liberal Democrat out of power. The crew then learns that DU is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue! While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Friday, by Rebecca Black.' The audience groans. A little later, Worf prefers .45 ACP to 9mm and meat-sauce to chili with beans. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience. Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, posts pictures of herself in BOTD. A little later, Arock tries to get someone kicked out of Starfleet. The audience doesn't laugh, however. Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the parking lot of Walmart. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite. Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film. Soon, EXPcustom goes back in time to save a whale and hug a tree. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason... Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Amish!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy. Finally, the crew discovers that Dave_A has a fleshlight! This makes the situation very dangerous! In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Molon labe!' ...even though this makes no sense. In their attempts to stop Dave_A, the gas pedal in someone's non-union built Toyota gets stuck. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Dave_A. Soon, Riker shoots at his neighbor's dog. But this doesn't help anything. There is a final showdown in a nebula called Red Dawn. Almost defeated, Dave_A, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his fleshlight! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him. Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Dave_A by having the mods ban him from ARFcom, thus eliminating his reason for living. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily accepting Jesus as his lord and savior saves Picard at the last moment. Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with same-sex marriage. Picard then gives a speech about trolling, quote trees, and poop threads. The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space. The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack. THE END |