Posted: 10/5/2017 9:49:22 PM EDT
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Well, here's a distraction from bumpfire!
This is one of those posts...should I or should I not post in GD. I've had plenty of personal and family drama recently, and I've vented in Team and the outpouring for both of my issues has been really nice. I expect all sorts of oddness here. This issue is (to me) so odd that I think the GD shenanigans might be fun. Here's the scoop: Wife and I have several kids, plus 3 others, pending adoption (no pix of wife or kids) My oldest kid is a male. His resemblance to my BIL is stunning. As in, FIL calls my son by HIS son's name. It is really kind of weird. If you saw pix of them at the same age, you'd swear they are twins. BIL is 20 years younger than my wife. He was a "surprise" to my in-laws. Here is where it gets awkward. BIL was in Iraq and had an incident with an IED. IED took one of his lower legs, and (unbeknownst to us until today) his ability to make babies. He claims he can still "do the deed" but he shoots blanks. He's a good guy, I don't doubt him. His older brother was snipped decades ago. His dad too. He wants "blood" to make a baby with his wife. I thought he was kidding when he asked, but he asked me (grateful he didn't hit up my son first) if my kid would donate sperm for his child (or children). Honestly, I'm torn. As noted above, my son looks just like him and even favors his mannerisms. But something seems odd about having 1/2 of his sister's DNA in his kid. It won't mix with his DNA, just that of his wife. I guess 1/2 of his sister is close to 1/2 of him? Also, his wife of 5 years came up with the idea - when he called me (not my wife/his sister) his wife was right there with him. It was a very interesting call. I have ZERO concern about legal issues/paternity. This is more about ethics/family/weirdness. I am sure my son would do whatever his Uncle asks. Am I out of line to feel really odd about this request? Is this what families do in 2017? TL: DR - BIL wants his wife to have a baby with my son. 
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Just hope they pass the psychological exam. My aunt was going to be a surrogate for her sister, there were psychological exam sessions performed and she failed.
They asked her, after the baby was born, and you see him/her at a family get together would you feel as though that baby is your nephew/niece or your own child? aunt responded, "I'd just see a bastard across the table". lol..... They didn't let her go through with it. |
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Quoted:
Are we talking turkey baster style or Brazzers style? 
Bloody hell man, If I wasn't broke and had $24 laying around, I would buy you a membership for the best first post of the year. OP, don't do it... that sounds like WAY too much drama to be injecting into your life. |
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My first thoughts.
Everyone in the family is going to know who is the real father. Is that wise? Is that going to mess with your son's head when he gets older? What about the child, how is it going to affect him when he finds out his father is really his cousin?
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The whole thing is confusing. My kid has yet to be notified. As noted in the OP, he'd do anything for his uncle.
Also, I must say that the FPNI even though I am too close to it. I needed a laugh. I am going to think on it this weekend. There are a ton on weird ramifications and probably a billion unintended consequnces. |
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I just don't see how that could possibly work out well for any of the parties involved.
Especially your son. Get a lawyer if he is even thinking about 'yes'. A good family law attorney who can at least tell you what the scope is of the minefield he's walking into. And it's his minefield not yours. I can't ever see thinking that this is a good idea. |
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Quoted:
I am trying to come up with a reason that it is not a bad idea. As noted the legal stuff would be ok. But the dynamic just seems odd. Or weird. Or gross or something |
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As the kid/s get older and find out who biological father is, it could be a nightmare.
The sperm bank donor would likely have less drama involved later in the kid/s life. The age of your son could easily fuck with his head, it may sound great right now, but when the kid is born he will know it is biologically his kid. Can he handle that? |
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Quoted:
I am trying to come up with a reason that it is not a bad idea. As noted the legal stuff would be ok. But the dynamic just seems odd. Or weird. Or gross or something |
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Why don't they want to adopt? You've got adopted kids as a good example for them, but they'd rather do this awkward thing to keep it in the family?
I've always wanted to adopt, even though my wife and I have no trouble making babies. Lots of kids out there in need of a home. |
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OP, I think it is up to your son.
Is it weird? Maybe a little. But your son can give that vet the gift of life if your son chooses to. Is adoption a better fit? Maybe. You and your son should talk this out with a psychologist before making a commitment too. It may be a requirement of the fertility clinic anyway. You son may not like having his own child carried by someone else, it may be weird for him at family gatherings. I'd think long and hard, but I'd do it if I felt it was the right choice. |
 Anthrax - Keep It In The Family |