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Posted: 5/11/2004 6:16:19 AM EST
PET DIARIES

As seen in a dog's diary:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced! to eat dry
cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair-- must try this
on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts.

They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to bean informant, and speaks with them regularly.

I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his
safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:18:08 AM EST
Cats are poison.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:21:35 AM EST
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:22:55 AM EST

Originally Posted By Taxman:
Cats are poison.



I'd take cats over dogs anyday. Much easier to take care of, and mine are just as loyal and loving as the stereotypical dog.

However, for security purposes, I will admit, the cats are lacking. The only reason I would own a dog... but then I think about him $hitting all over my lawn, and having to walk him in the freezing cold...... Chewing on the furniture... I love my cats.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:25:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By PrivateJoker:

Originally Posted By Taxman:
Cats are poison.



I'd take cats over dogs anyday. Much easier to take care of, and mine are just as loyal and loving as the stereotypical dog.

However, for security purposes, I will admit, the cats are lacking. The only reason I would own a dog... but then I think about him $hitting all over my lawn, and having to walk him in the freezing cold...... Chewing on the furniture... I love my cats.



I perfer cats myself. I do not like dogs and have been bitten by the feared rabid dalmation with Aids.

The cats are poison thing is a housing project rumor I heard.

Some cats are problems like the ones who do the death jump onto your shoulders or ones tha blowout everywere. I have to get a picture of the Skaggums cat.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:25:45 AM EST
Told you. Also, if you have read the latest AMA magazine there is a great article in there that shows how the more number of cats a man owns during his lifetime the higher chance of him turning out homosexual. It starts off slow with wanting anal sex with the wife and goes downhill from there.

Sgtar15
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:26:13 AM EST
Disney's new sequel: All Cats Go To Hell!
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:32:28 AM EST

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
...It starts off slow with wanting anal sex with the wife and goes downhill from there.

Sgtar15



Oh shit!!! I DO!! Looks like I have to spend more time at my folks house wrestling around with their 125lb Ridgeback!
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:33:25 AM EST

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
Told you. Also, if you have read the latest AMA magazine there is a great article in there that shows how the more number of cats a man owns during his lifetime the higher chance of him turning out homosexual. It starts off slow with wanting anal sex with the wife and goes downhill from there.

Sgtar15




Can I reverse this pattern if I kill the cats and then eat them.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:51:17 AM EST

Originally Posted By Taxman:

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
Told you. Also, if you have read the latest AMA magazine there is a great article in there that shows how the more number of cats a man owns during his lifetime the higher chance of him turning out homosexual. It starts off slow with wanting anal sex with the wife and goes downhill from there.

Sgtar15




Can I reverse this pattern if I kill the cats and then eat them.


No.
sorry.
too late.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 6:59:53 AM EST
Strange, true, story. Happened this morning.
There I am sleeping like an angel.
When what do I hear but, Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... Reow!......... at slow intervals.
Look on the floor, and there's the cat walking out of the room, so I follow him out to the living room where there's a large pile of chewed up, torn up toilet paper roll.

Now I've been yelling at the dog and spanking him (it doesn't work, but makes me feel better), at times for doing this while we're gone. We come home to torn up TP in the living room about 2-3 times a week. We always suggest it may be the cat, setting the dog up for amusement.

So I remember the dog sleeping next to me, under the covers, with his head in my armpit when my wife went to work an hour ago. He was there when the cat woke me up. He was in a convoluted position, so I don't think he would be in the same position had he gotten up and messed up the house and then came back to bed. So I'm starting to wonder how the TP is really getting torn up.
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 7:03:18 AM EST

Originally Posted By Taxman:

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
Told you. Also, if you have read the latest AMA magazine there is a great article in there that shows how the more number of cats a man owns during his lifetime the higher chance of him turning out homosexual. It starts off slow with wanting anal sex with the wife and goes downhill from there.

Sgtar15




Can I reverse this pattern if I kill the cats and then eat them.



Eating pussy will not make you less gay. It didn't work for Rosie O'Donnel did it?
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 7:06:42 AM EST
Thats awesome.Good one!
Link Posted: 5/11/2004 7:11:26 AM EST
Time for a pic!
Link Posted: 5/12/2004 12:15:15 AM EST
There's the pitch!

Now, where's the swing?
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