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Posted: 9/10/2004 9:19:27 PM EST
Sorry guys... DrFrige actually (on occasion) has a serious side. Need your opinions. Just a little backround first. I was involved with an unfortunate incident many years ago that actually turned out OK. It was a murder for hire contract that this girl wanted to kill her husband and then when her boyfriend found out she was a nutcase, he left her then tried to get the boyfriend whacked. Well on the eve of when the transaction was supposed to go down, the girl fled. The detective called me that night and said that she never showed with the money. No one knew where she went.


FAST FORWARD TO THIS EVENING.


Different friend of mine married a woman that he has worries about. She has had her first child taken away from her due to 15 counts of child abuse and awarded to her first husband. (YEAH I KNOW>>>> WHY DID MY FRIEND MARRY HER WHEN HE KNEW ALL THIS??? I HAVE NO IDEA!)

They got married and have two kids of their own. She wont work, NO sex, she doesnt do laundry nor cook for him. He works 12+ hours a day (Saturday Included) and she says that he is an embarassment of a husband and that he needs to work more. She has used his credit cards and wrote checks off of his business account where she is NOT a signer on the account. When his bank statements come, she shreds them. He hasnt seen a bank statement in MONTHS!

I KNOW... sounds like a soap opera...

She calls him EVERY hour wondering where he is at and what time he is coming home.

This evening he gets a call on his cell from HER friend saying that she is concerned because his wife is FREAKING OUT due to HIS life insurance is being paid by him or not. She wants to make sure he is making payments. HUGE RED FLAG!

Supposedly he has a meeting with her friend on Monday to get more of the story.

Being that I was involved with a similar situation as stated above, Im kinda suspicious here.


Can he go to the cops with her forging signatures on the checks?
Can he go to the cops with anything regarding the fear that she may be up to something?

He REALLY set himself up in a HUGE pile of crap.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:23:56 PM EST
Dude that a messed up situation.. Get him out fast!!
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:24:49 PM EST

Can he go to the cops with her forging signatures on the checks?
Can he go to the cops with anything regarding the fear that she may be up to something?





First off, if he is alive tonight then he still has time to get out. I would get out and go to the cops regardless. Weather a report gets written up or not I would find a way to mark that I had a meeting with an officer. It really is that simple. Even a cops busniss card will work if no offical report is made. It shows his concerns and gets his foot in the door first.


Now. I would tell him to get out, the woman is a nut. This is NOT a divorce, it should be an ANNULMENT! If he refuses to take responsibility for his own personnal safety if it really is in that big of danger then I would tell him to stop calling me.


My .02 cents
SGatr15
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:25:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
Dude that a messed up situation.. Get him out fast!!



I know... but HOW is the question. I told him send her to a day spa and pack the house and kids and LEAVE! Also get a R.O.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:27:09 PM EST

Can he go to the cops with her forging signatures on the checks?


Absofugginlutely. They should be able to get copies of the checks from the bank showing her signature, or at least a signature that isn't his.
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:28:01 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:33:17 PM EST

Originally Posted By Lightning_P38:
I would be scared, I would run to the insurance agent and make sure that the beneficiary was someone who would make sure she never saw a nickle of it.

I told him to make the KIDS the SOLE Beneficiary and that they are not eligible to have that money until they are 18 and

TELL HER THAT HE DID THAT!
Link Posted: 9/10/2004 9:33:43 PM EST
Strike first!

S
S
SU

Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:07:01 AM EST
Damn...he needs to GTFO now!!!
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:10:16 AM EST
I think he's lucky she didn't pull a "Lorena" yet.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:12:33 AM EST
Max the life insurance, pay it, show her proof of payment, and set the insurance payee as an untouchable trust that goes to the children when they turn 25.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:17:35 AM EST
I concur with the GTFO statments.... She is SO taking advantage of him, and committing fraud. He needs to gather up some evidence, and lawyer up. Then slap her with a divorce, and kick her to the curb with NOTHING.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:22:09 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:26:34 AM EST
First off, have the beneficiary changed to his brother or parents, to set up trusts in the names of his children and upon THEIR deaths for the remainder to go to his parents. Cut out the wife immediately. Then that cuts out any motivation she has to kill him.

Then, nuke all of the credit cards and put a hold on his credit line, unless he specifically requests an account to be opened. Make sure she is not able to borrow against the house either. Then he should start selling things quietly and securing the money with someone he trusts. When enough stuff is gone, start the divorce and have a place to live, because she's likely to kill him if what you're saying is true.

I'd also run checks on what she does while he's at work. Maybe as a friend you can do so.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:29:40 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 5:39:32 AM EST by Pangea]
And yes, she is cheating on him.

Edited to add IMHO
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:32:43 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 5:34:05 AM EST by EricTheHun]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:34:45 AM EST
IMO,

1) Take the kids to a relative or to child protective services. He can use whatever pretense he knows will work.

2) Like someone wrote above, get the life-insurance policy changed to his kids when they are 18+ and make sure she knows. Gets rid of at least one reason to kill him.

3) Get a restraining order against the wife. Do it before she does it.

4) Cancel all credit cards.

5) If there are joint bank accounts then close them and transfer the money to another bank.

6) If there are firearms, get them out!

If he is your friend then help him get this done ASAP. This will only be the beginning of his nightmare, but he needs to get on top of this as fast as possible or he will end up dead or in jail on false accusations from his wife.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:36:53 AM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
They got married and have two kids of their own. She wont work, NO sex, she doesnt do laundry nor cook for him. He works 12+ hours a day (Saturday Included) and she says that he is an embarassment of a husband and that he needs to work more. She has used his credit cards and wrote checks off of his business account where she is NOT a signer on the account. When his bank statements come, she shreds them. He hasnt seen a bank statement in MONTHS!




Seriously, if me married a convicted child abuser, AND he's willing to put up with all the crap you're describing above, I don't think you're going to convice him to leave her.

I'd definitely try - I just wouldn't get my hopes up.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:37:10 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 5:38:11 AM EST by migradog]
Take him to the GAP and buy him a pair of pants.


Apparantly his wife has all the other pairs.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 5:45:17 AM EST
nail her on the checks, and move while she is in jail!
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 8:18:43 AM EST

Originally Posted By EricTheHun:
How does this wife act around their own children?

15 counts of child abuse and the loss of her other children, and then, suddenly, she's a good mother?

IF she is a decent mother with their children, and just reviewing the other circumstances that you have described, I simply cannot make the leap to the conclusion that this wife is about to put out a contract on your friend.

Everything that you describe the wife doing in this marriage is probably more typical than you can imagine.

You can go to the authorities with the evidence of forgery, but, I seriously doubt that they will do anything at all about it.

They will likely tell your friend that 'It's a civil matter, not a criminal one!'

All she would have to say is 'Hubby told me to do it' and the authorities would drop it fast.

At least, that has been my experience.

If your friend wants to be shed of this woman and not worry about checking the content of his next meal for poison, or the closet for the wife's boyfriend with a baseball bat, then he should simply go with a divorce!

End of story.

With her past criminal/civil history of abuse, there should be no reason why he shouldn't get custody of the childen....

But that's why I first asked how the wife was with their children, for if the child abuse was long ago and she has been a good mother with their children, your friend might not be able to get sole custody.

Eric The(Reasonable)Hun



Last child abuse claim was about five years ago and the state deemed that she is NOT allowed to see her son unsupervised. she has to see the kid in a nuetral location with a court liason present. So she moved OUT of NY and moved to CA. She married my friend and they now have 2 kids. She has had CPS to their home 3 times already. She told my friend that there were more times and that CPS told her that she needed a bigger apartment, better van and better furniture.... So, like a dumbass my friend believed her and bought her all that stuff.

She is either VERY clever or he is VERY dumb.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 8:24:56 AM EST

Originally Posted By C-4:
IMO,

1) Take the kids to a relative or to child protective services. He can use whatever pretense he knows will work. this is where I told him he needs to change status from REACTIVE to PROACTIVE. Good suggestion C-4

2) Like someone wrote above, get the life-insurance policy changed to his kids when they are 18+ and make sure she knows. Gets rid of at least one reason to kill him. I was the one who said that. Lets see if he does

3) Get a restraining order against the wife. Do it before she does it. Check

4) Cancel all credit cards. Check

5) If there are joint bank accounts then close them and transfer the money to another bank. There are no joint checking accounts since she was busted bouncing checks all over town. DA caught up with her and made her take check writing classes and held her accountable. All checking accounts he has,,, she is NOT a signer. yet she signs on them anyway

6) If there are firearms, get them out! No firearms.

If he is your friend then help him get this done ASAP. This will only be the beginning of his nightmare, but he needs to get on top of this as fast as possible or he will end up dead or in jail on false accusations from his wife. This is what I want to avoid. I think that his lack of testicular fortitude is his biggest downfall.



NOTE: We (all his friends) have distanced ourselves mostly because of the unstable atmosphere around them. I only keep in contact with him via cell phone nowadays, while he and I are working we call each other. Ive known the guy for 20 some odd years and this is bad... REAL bad.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 8:38:54 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 8:49:23 AM EST by Andreuha]
HE SHOULD GET THE HELL OUT, ASAP. She WILL get hostile! This woman is a cancer to him!
...
I would highly recommend him staying with a freind or family for a while, not comming back 'home' unless he's accompanied by atleast one person.
...
If I were him, and as two guys I know (including a granddad) have done in their lives, he should BUG THE HELL OUT. Not even come back unless it's to pick up something of high value, where the above line comes in
...
Oh, and given what she's been doing, he is probably a pushover type and is now her bitch. You may have to win him over to a degree.

Just make damn sure there's no way she can even access his accounts any more, not to pay for her own legal fees, not even to see anything there. ALL mail should go to a different address!

EDITED!! : heh, so much for leaving a window open and not refreshing before I post... Good to see that some of the rather importaint things are already done (restraining order, accounts [but close those on which she's not a signer, she's got access to them! have banks send mail to another address, given the length of you relationship, I wouldn't hesitate to let such a freind use me as a base of operations for a little while], and having the courts already on your side).
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:32:40 PM EST
He says that he has contacted a lawyer... who knows? Im just worried for the kids... even more of a reason to bug out.
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