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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/1/2005 4:41:36 AM EDT
My daughter (only child) will be 18 in a few months. According to my divorce agreement, I will no longer be legally required to pay my x-wife child support ($1250 a month) when my daughter turns 18. My daughter lives with my X-wife and her husband in another state. My daughter will be living with my x-wife and her husband for another year+ until she starts college in fall 2006.

I am trying to decide how how I should handle providing for my daughter after she turns 18. I want to continue giving her money, but don't want my x-wife to have it. Yet, my x-wife and her husband deserve some money from me because they will continue to house and feed my daughter for some time to come.

Any ideas on how I should handle giving my daughter and x-wife money after my daughter turns 18?
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 4:46:08 AM EDT
Here is an idea.


Open a sperate account just for her and put money into it. Don't tell her or the mother. Don't tell anyone. Then just send her whatever smaller amount you want directly with the checks in her name, or if she has a bank account you can do a direct deposit to her account every month.

Now, after she moives out of your ex's place you can then give her the money in the bank as a wedding gift or help her buy a house.


That's my .02 cents


SGat1r5
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 4:49:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/1/2005 4:49:43 AM EDT by senorFrog]
Send it directly to your daughter. If her mom feels she should earn her own keep, then they can work that out.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 4:55:46 AM EDT
Why does your ex wife and her husband deserve money from you after she turns 18? At this point it is their choice to let her remain at home. If they do not want to provide shelter for her then your daughter would mostlikely be more than welcome at your place. Instead of providing money to your daughter or to your ex why not take the money that you would have given them and put it into a college fund for your daughter. This way you can contribute by paying on her tuition or housing.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 7:30:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By inzane123:
Why does your ex wife and her husband deserve money from you after she turns 18? At this point it is their choice to let her remain at home. If they do not want to provide shelter for her then your daughter would mostlikely be more than welcome at your place. Instead of providing money to your daughter or to your ex why not take the money that you would have given them and put it into a college fund for your daughter. This way you can contribute by paying on her tuition or housing.



The reality is my x-wife and her husband will still be providing housing and food for my daughter that costs them money. The goal here is to not force my X to disrupt my daughter's life. My daughter is happy in her life where they live. I'm looking for a smooth transition.

Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:27:32 AM EDT
At the rate that you have been paying in though you have more than exceeded what it would cost to keep her fed and sheltered. With what you are paying I could pay most of my living expenses here in Memphis. Your daughter will thank you more if she does not have any financial worries while in college.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:31:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By inzane123:
At the rate that you have been paying in though you have more than exceeded what it would cost to keep her fed and sheltered. With what you are paying I could pay most of my living expenses here in Memphis. Your daughter will thank you more if she does not have any financial worries while in college.



I would agree.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:36:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sgtar15:
Here is an idea.


Open a sperate account just for her and put money into it. Don't tell her or the mother. Don't tell anyone. Then just send her whatever smaller amount you want directly with the checks in her name, or if she has a bank account you can do a direct deposit to her account every month.

Now, after she moives out of your ex's place you can then give her the money in the bank as a wedding gift or help her buy a house.


That's my .02 cents


SGat1r5



+1

The only thing I would add would be a debit card and mail it directky to her. When she gets it, she calls you and you give here the PIN # and only to her. better than checks and she can access it anywhere.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:40:41 AM EDT
She's 18, any money you send her should go DIRECTLY to her. Whatever arrangements she has with the ex for staying at home is none of your concern.

You've done your part in keeping up your support but from here on out, it's between you and your daughter. PERIOD. The ex is no longer a part of it.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:44:24 AM EDT
Send money directly to your daughter. Do not send money to the X. You leaglly and morally provided your obligations. Your X and daughter can work out there arrangement from now on. Besides your daughter needs to get a job.

Besides CS is 50% real child support and 50% X wife support anyway.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:48:47 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 10:53:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Airwolf:
She's 18, any money you send her should go DIRECTLY to her. Whatever arrangements she has with the ex for staying at home is none of your concern.

You've done your part in keeping up your support but from here on out, it's between you and your daughter. PERIOD. The ex is no longer a part of it.



I tend to agree with this train of thought. Thanks for the advice.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:00:35 AM EDT
I would go as far as to closely monitor any money you give to your daughter, after all she is 18 and all 18 year olds blow money. God knows I did.

Maybe give her a small cash allowance through the means suggested earlier, but for large expendatures like clothing, school or housing... offer to pay but only directly to the source (IE "take" her shopping)

Nice to see a concerned Dad.

NorCal

Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:05:04 AM EDT
I would communicate with the daughter and tell her that since she's living at home to save for college and that she is now 18 that you will be sending the money you would normally send to her mother to a savings account [presuming she has graduated from high school now - if not then please keep sending it to Mom] for her college and that if she needs something just let you know and you'll deduct some from it for her to help her cover normal things.

Patty

PS How novel a man actually wanting to pay his child support?!
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:05:18 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:06:25 AM EDT
$1250 month? Hell, can you adopt me??
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:07:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DasBoot305:
$1250 month? Hell, can you adopt me??

+1 I have a degree already and straight teeth. Patty
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:20:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By DasBoot305:
$1250 month? Hell, can you adopt me??

+1 I have a degree already and straight teeth. Patty




If that's you in your avitar, consider yourself adopted. Can I shoot your bling .50 cals?
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:27:09 AM EDT
She's 18 and in another state? Have her come live with you for a while!
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:30:16 AM EDT
Tell your daughter you are going to give here an allowance of $500.00 a month for a year or buy her a $6000.00 car. Let her decide. Either way she is going to see more of the "support" money than she does now, and you will make out better.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:32:45 AM EDT
You should use the money to buy her gift certificates from Cabelas.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:34:17 AM EDT
I think YOU are really a great dad.
That said, talk to a financial advisor on the best way to set her up...if you can't, I tend to like Sarge's idea.

You are a rarity: too many times divorced spouses do whatever they can to hurt the other...dragging the kid along for good measure.
It's nice to see ex-spouses respecting the roles and the kids enuf to do the right thing.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:49:33 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/1/2005 11:50:08 AM EDT by krpind]
After having what appears to be an amicable relationship with your ex......why not talk it over with her?

Explain your desire to continue helping her with your daughters expenses, but you would also like to start building a nest egg for her future.

Good Luck
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:51:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/1/2005 11:51:36 AM EDT by TacticalStrat]

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
I think YOU are really a great dad.
That said, talk to a financial advisor on the best way to set her up...if you can't, I tend to like Sarge's idea.

You are a rarity: too many times divorced spouses do whatever they can to hurt the other...dragging the kid along for good measure.
It's nice to see ex-spouses respecting the roles and the kids enuf to do the right thing.




Thank you!
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 11:58:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bigscrun:
Tell your daughter you are going to give her an allowance of $500.00 a month for a year or buy her a $6000.00 car. Let her decide. Either way she is going to see more of the "support" money than she does now, and you will make out better.




I just bought her a car for x-mas last year. But I get the point. Thanks!
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 12:10:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TacticalStrat:
My daughter (only child) will be 18 in a few months. According to my divorce agreement, I will no longer be legally required to pay my x-wife child support ($1250 a month) when my daughter turns 18. My daughter lives with my X-wife and her husband in another state. My daughter will be living with my x-wife and her husband for another year+ until she starts college in fall 2006.

I am trying to decide how how I should handle providing for my daughter after she turns 18. I want to continue giving her money, but don't want my x-wife to have it. Yet, my x-wife and her husband deserve some money from me because they will continue to house and feed my daughter for some time to come.

Any ideas on how I should handle giving my daughter and x-wife money after my daughter turns 18?



Give your daughter some money ket her decide what to pay them. They decided to keep her in so thats not your responsibility and owe them nothing. Give your daughter the $$ and let them work something out between them.
Link Posted: 8/1/2005 12:19:15 PM EDT
This may sound cruel: The young lady is now supposed to stand on her own two feet. If your ex and her new hubbie provide shelter, etc then it is your daughter's reponsibility to pay them back. By all means, if you feel obligated to give her some additional financial help then make the checks out to your daughter. She will do as she sees fit. Helped my daughter with financial jelp all through college. Now I am sorry I did!
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