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Posted: 12/26/2002 1:39:55 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 1:53:44 PM EST
"Weird" Al Yankovic received a Bachelor's degree in Architecture in 1981. He also served as valedictorian of his high school at age 16.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:00:30 PM EST
When hounds are chasing a mime they only pretend to bark.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:02:36 PM EST
hilary clinton is a lesbian or my red rider bb gun vs a 50BMG(yea I know Ill shoot my eye out right).
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:05:35 PM EST
Art Bell is retiring again.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:09:44 PM EST
1 Ampere-second is known as a "Coulomb". It is the flow of electrons of 6.24x10 to the 18th power...
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:11:42 PM EST
you know youve been eating too much fatty food when you take a dump and your turds float. of course im serious. no. really.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:12:20 PM EST
[Last Edit: 12/26/2002 2:12:51 PM EST by The_Macallan]
[b][u]United States Constitution, Amendment II:[/u][i] "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."[/i][/b] Apparently this is useless information in California, New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Michigan, Washington D.C., Maryland...
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:17:26 PM EST
[i]Smells like sex in here[/i]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:22:24 PM EST
No matter where you go, there you are. CJ
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 2:56:04 PM EST
Go lick your elbow !!!
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:08:48 PM EST
It takes an awfully big dog to weigh a ton.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:09:04 PM EST
[Last Edit: 12/26/2002 3:13:33 PM EST by Charlie2501]
Did you know? Penguins have knees. The little black boxes on airplanes are actually bright orange.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:10:34 PM EST
acceleration due to gravity is 10m/s squared
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:13:04 PM EST
Actually, that's 9.81m/s squared. Horses can't throw up.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:15:07 PM EST
The "fingers" at the end of an elephant's trunk are so sensitive, they can pick-up a sewing needle off of a waxed floor. Hmmmm...
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:22:54 PM EST
There are 3 seperate electric grids in the USA. The eastern interconnect, the western interconnect, and ERCOT (TEXAS). Texas is the only one not under the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. None of the 3 physically connected to each other. TXLEWIS
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:31:27 PM EST
The only sound that CANNOT echo is a duck's quack.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:34:06 PM EST
If you can go faster than the speed of light and look back, you can see yourself coming. Then again you can save a lot of money, time and risk and accomplish the same thing with a .39 cent mirror. [BD]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:36:27 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:41:42 PM EST
A tigers stripes are skin deep. Not only thier fur is striped[;)]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:43:46 PM EST
No matter what You're told, there is absolutely NO sex in the champagne Room!
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:47:26 PM EST
Man....I`ve got so damn much useless info....I don`t know where to start......I`m serious......Iam a state employee........[:|]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 3:56:34 PM EST
Michael Jackson was once a black guy.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:21:11 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:23:32 PM EST
My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one. Bobwrench
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:27:41 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:28:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:31:53 PM EST
Useless info tidbit #1: Blaze-of-Glory is still alive and out of jail. Sgtar15
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:34:02 PM EST
I can put my hand underneath my shoulderblade.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:44:48 PM EST
There are approximately 10000 insurance underwriters in the US.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 4:55:57 PM EST
Permatex Anti-Seize compound (PN 80078 or 80208) also makes a pretty decent thermal grease for heat sinks.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:11:50 PM EST
Pigs' orgasms last as long as 30 minutes.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:19:30 PM EST
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Panzer Out
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:29:00 PM EST
Originally Posted By lokt: Pigs' orgasms last as long as 30 minutes.
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Source: [img]http://members.cox.net/the-macallan/MacsPics1/RosieO.JPG[/img]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:30:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:33:07 PM EST
The only way to tell whether a chicken lays brown or white eggs is to look at her ear lobes.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:33:18 PM EST
If you don't clean your ears 'til the wax starts to dribble out, you don't have to wear earplugs when you shoot.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:39:43 PM EST
Originally Posted By sherm8404:
Originally Posted By bobwrench: My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one. Bobwrench
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You must have some funny looking eyes.......HEY! Does that make you walk funny?
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Since I actually had this problem at one time I can attest to the fact that bobwrench's eyes probably only look funny when he rubs said enlarged "left ball". Overall, not a fun thing to have, mine swelled to the size of a small pair! Sgt(seriousashell)ar15
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 5:39:54 PM EST
I need more ammo.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:14:12 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:22:40 PM EST
"Almost forever" is a meaningless statement. A mole of a substance is the substance's molecular weight turned into grams, i.e. one mole of hydrogen weighs approximately 1 gram. A mole of any substance has 6.0221367X10^23 molecules. (I learned that number three years ago, never used it, and still remember it)
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:25:38 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:32:12 PM EST
Life Reflections by George Carlin 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac? 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too". 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:35:03 PM EST
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." > > Steve Martin "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good." > > Woody Allen "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." > > Unknown "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." > > Rodney Dangerfield "My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." > > Bill Kelly "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." > > Woody Allen "You know that look - women get when they want sex? Me neither." > > Drew Carey "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." > > Woody Allen "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." > > George Burns "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." > > Henry Miller "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." > > P. J. O'Rourke
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:38:24 PM EST
The penis of the average male barnacle is 10X the length of its body.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:38:45 PM EST
I AM AN EXPERT ON USELESS, JUST ASK MY WIFE FW: Did you ever wish you could remember Norm’s greetings on “Che ers” ? are great, Enjoy! · > >> >>> > > >> > > Did you ever wish you could remember Norm’s · > >> >>> > > >> > > greetings on “Cheers”? Check out these gems from · > >> >>> > > >> the · > >> >>> > > >> > > TV series... > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s shaking Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “All four cheeks & a couple of chins.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s new Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my · > >> >>> > > >> > > stomach & they’re demanding beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’d you like Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “A reason to live. Give me another beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’ll you have Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll · > >> >>> > > >> > > take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Looks like beer, Norm.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Call me Mister Lucky.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating · > >> >>> > > >> you?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Like a baby treats a diaper.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “The Bobsie twins go to the brewery. - · > >> >>> > > >> Let’s · > >> >>> > > >> > > cut to the happy ending.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one · > >> >>> > > >> > > waiting for you.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “I know. If she calls, I’m not here.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Beer, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Have I gotten that predictable? Good.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Whatcha up to Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My ideal weight if I were eleven feet · > >> >>> > > >> tall.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Poor.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “I’m sorry to hear that.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “No, I mean pour.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “How’s life treating you Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Like it caught me sleeping with its · > >> >>> > > >> wife.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s going down, Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My butt cheeks on that bar stool.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “All right, but stop me at one. Make that · > >> >>> > > >> > > one-thirty.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody & I’m · > >> >>> > > >> > > wearing Milk Bone underwear.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s the story, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy · > >> >>> > > >> meets · > >> >>> > > >> > > another beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “The question is what’s going in Mr. · > >> >>> > > >> > > Peterson? A beer please, Woody.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “A little early isn’t it, Woody?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “For a beer?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “No, for stupid questions.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s up, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My nipples!! It’s cold out there!” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “I’ll have a beer Sammy”. · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Don’t you think it’s a little early Norm, · > >> >>> > > >> > > It’s only 11!” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Yeah you’re right Sammy, float a Corn · > >> >>> > > >> Flake · > >> >>> > > >> > > in it!”
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:45:49 PM EST
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 6:57:08 PM EST
Originally Posted By osprey21: "Weird" Al Yankovic received a Bachelor's degree in Architecture in 1981. He also served as valedictorian of his high school at age 16.
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Gotta love his hair! At least he didn't try to molest little girls [;)] [img]http://64.242.166.152/antiussa1.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 7:11:21 PM EST
The chair is against the wall. The chair is against the wall. John has a long mustache. John has a long mustache.
Link Posted: 12/26/2002 7:13:01 PM EST
Man who go to bed with itchy bunghole, wake up with stinky finger.
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