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Posted: 12/26/2002 2:53:44 PM EDT
[#1]
"Weird" Al Yankovic received a Bachelor's degree in Architecture in 1981. He also served as valedictorian of his high school at age 16.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:00:30 PM EDT
[#2]
When hounds are chasing a mime they only pretend to bark.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:02:36 PM EDT
[#3]
hilary clinton is a lesbian or my red rider bb gun vs a 50BMG(yea I know Ill shoot my eye out right).
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:05:35 PM EDT
[#4]
Art Bell is retiring again.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:09:44 PM EDT
[#5]
1 Ampere-second is known as a "Coulomb". It is the flow of electrons of 6.24x10 to the 18th power...
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:11:42 PM EDT
[#6]
you know youve been eating too much fatty food when you take a dump and your turds float.
of course im serious. no. really. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:12:20 PM EDT
[#7]
[b][u]United States Constitution, Amendment II:[/u][i] "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."[/i][/b] Apparently this is useless information in California, New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Michigan, Washington D.C., Maryland... |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:17:26 PM EDT
[#8]
[i]Smells like sex in here[/i]
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:22:24 PM EDT
[#9]
No matter where you go, there you are.
CJ |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 3:56:04 PM EDT
[#10]
Go lick your elbow !!!
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:08:48 PM EDT
[#11]
It takes an awfully big dog to weigh a ton.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:09:04 PM EDT
[#12]
Did you know?
Penguins have knees. The little black boxes on airplanes are actually bright orange. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:10:34 PM EDT
[#13]
acceleration due to gravity is 10m/s squared
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:13:04 PM EDT
[#14]
Actually, that's 9.81m/s squared.
Horses can't throw up. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:15:07 PM EDT
[#15]
The "fingers" at the end of an elephant's trunk are so sensitive, they can pick-up a sewing needle off of a waxed floor. Hmmmm...
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:22:54 PM EDT
[#16]
There are 3 seperate electric grids in the USA. The eastern interconnect, the western interconnect, and ERCOT (TEXAS). Texas is the only one not under the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission.
None of the 3 physically connected to each other. TXLEWIS |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:31:27 PM EDT
[#17]
The only sound that CANNOT echo is a duck's quack.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:34:06 PM EDT
[#18]
If you can go faster than the speed of light and look back, you can see yourself coming.
Then again you can save a lot of money, time and risk and accomplish the same thing with a .39 cent mirror. [BD] |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:36:27 PM EDT
[#19]
The Swift Squid
Whereas octopuses are known for their intelligence, squids are known for their speed and agility. They swim, usually backwards, using water jets. They have been known to move as fast as 20 knots (23 mph). There are 375 species, or kinds, of squids, with t he largest being the giant Architeuthis. The North American squid, Loligo pealei, however, is only 20-50 cm (8-20 in) long. Squids live from 1 1/2-3 years, depending on the species. The North American squid prefers shallow water, although ma ny species inhabit deeper, offshore waters. The squids, unlike their octopus relatives, are not solitary creatures. They swim in schools and will frequently follow the schools of fish on which they feed. Their cigar-shaped bodies are well suited for swimming. Two fins help to stabilize or balance t he body when swimming, and the internal shell, called a pen, gives support to the muscular mantle. Squids can cruise along at constant speeds or dart about in quick jerky movements. Some have been know to jet 3 1/2 m (12 ft) out of the water and land on b oat decks. Squids have ten arms, two of which are called tentacles. The tentacles are longer than the arms and have flattened ends like a spatula. Suckers are on the underside of all the arms and only on the flattened ends of the tentacles. The tentacles are used fo r feeding. The suckers, which may have hooks, help capture small fish and shrimp, which are quickly torn apart by the beak. The quick moving squids are eaten by a variety of predators. The smaller species are food for sea otters, sea birds, large fish and humans. For protection against predators, squid use the same methods as other cephalopods: camouflage coloring, ink clouds and speed. Their pale bodies can become almost transparent if necessary or take on the coloring of nearby rocks or seaweeds. The ink cloud emerges in the shape of the squid, thus forming a false target for the predator. Also, some deep sea squids have bac teria in the ink which make it glow in the dark. They may also have special light organs which not only frighten away predators but also help to attract food or a mate in the permanent darkness of the deep sea. The giant squid are eaten by sperm whales. When a dead whale is examined, it is not unusual for a huge squid to be found inside its stomach. People, on the other hand, concentrate on the smaller varieties, like the North American squid, for food. The catc h may be as much as 700,000 metric tons per year. Japan alone may catch 650,000 tons. In many countries, squid are eaten, but they may also be used as fish bait. Most of the squid are caught during breeding season, when they gather by the millions to spawn. From November to April, the waters off the coast of California become dense with millions and millions of the Pacific squid, Loligo opalescens. After ma ting, the females produce 10-50 egg strings, each containing hundreds of eggs. These are attached to the ocean floor. Many females may attach their egg strings at the same site, forming a "mop." The eggs are left to develop without any care and will hatch about 10 days later. The adult squid will then leave the spawning ground and die soon afterward. Besides using squid for food, humans are very interested in their nervous system. The giant nerve fibers of the North American squid have been used for many years in studies of the nervous system. By studying these fibers, scientists may one day understan d why Alzheimer's disease causes nerve cells in the brain to die. This would help them to find a cure for many diseases that involve the nervous system. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:41:42 PM EDT
[#20]
A tigers stripes are skin deep. Not only thier fur is striped[;)]
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:43:46 PM EDT
[#21]
No matter what You're told, there is absolutely NO sex in the champagne Room!
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:47:26 PM EDT
[#22]
Man....I`ve got so damn much useless info....I don`t know where to start......I`m serious......Iam a state employee........[:|]
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Posted: 12/26/2002 4:56:34 PM EDT
[#23]
Michael Jackson was once a black guy.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:21:11 PM EDT
[#24]
Quoted: Michael Jackson was once a black guy. And the first model was originally supplied with a nose as original equipment. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:23:32 PM EDT
[#25]
My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one.
Bobwrench |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:27:41 PM EDT
[#26]
Quoted: My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one. Bobwrench You must have some funny looking eyes.......HEY! Does that make you walk funny? |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:28:53 PM EDT
[#27]
Quoted: My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one. Bobwrench And I said USELESS info, not TOO MUCH info! |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:31:53 PM EDT
[#28]
Useless info tidbit #1:
Blaze-of-Glory is still alive and out of jail. Sgtar15 |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:34:02 PM EDT
[#29]
I can put my hand underneath my shoulderblade.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:44:48 PM EDT
[#30]
There are approximately 10000 insurance underwriters in the US.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 5:55:57 PM EDT
[#31]
Permatex Anti-Seize compound (PN 80078 or 80208) also makes a pretty decent thermal grease for heat sinks.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:11:50 PM EDT
[#32]
Pigs' orgasms last as long as 30 minutes.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:19:30 PM EDT
[#33]
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Panzer Out |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:29:00 PM EDT
[#34]
Quoted: Pigs' orgasms last as long as 30 minutes. Source: [img]http://members.cox.net/the-macallan/MacsPics1/RosieO.JPG[/img] |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:30:53 PM EDT
[#35]
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:33:07 PM EDT
[#36]
The only way to tell whether a chicken lays brown or white eggs is to look at her ear lobes.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:33:18 PM EDT
[#37]
If you don't clean your ears 'til the wax starts to dribble out, you don't have to wear earplugs when you shoot.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:39:43 PM EDT
[#38]
Quoted: Quoted: My left ball is 4 times the size of my right one. Bobwrench You must have some funny looking eyes.......HEY! Does that make you walk funny? Since I actually had this problem at one time I can attest to the fact that bobwrench's eyes probably only look funny when he rubs said enlarged "left ball". Overall, not a fun thing to have, mine swelled to the size of a small pair! Sgt(seriousashell)ar15 |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 6:39:54 PM EDT
[#39]
I need more ammo.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:14:12 PM EDT
[#40]
"Who" is on first
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:22:40 PM EDT
[#41]
"Almost forever" is a meaningless statement.
A mole of a substance is the substance's molecular weight turned into grams, i.e. one mole of hydrogen weighs approximately 1 gram. A mole of any substance has 6.0221367X10^23 molecules. (I learned that number three years ago, never used it, and still remember it) |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:25:38 PM EDT
[#42]
Marines feel that 30 round mags only hold 28
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:32:12 PM EDT
[#43]
Life Reflections by George Carlin
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac? 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too". 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:35:03 PM EDT
[#44]
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." > > Steve Martin "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good." > > Woody Allen "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." > > Unknown "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." > > Rodney Dangerfield "My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." > > Bill Kelly "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." > > Woody Allen "You know that look - women get when they want sex? Me neither." > > Drew Carey "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." > > Woody Allen "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." > > George Burns "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." > > Henry Miller "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." > > P. J. O'Rourke |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:38:24 PM EDT
[#45]
The penis of the average male barnacle is 10X the length of its body.
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:38:45 PM EDT
[#46]
I AM AN EXPERT ON USELESS, JUST ASK MY WIFE
FW: Did you ever wish you could remember Norm’s greetings on “Che ers” ? are great, Enjoy! · > >> >>> > > >> > > Did you ever wish you could remember Norm’s · > >> >>> > > >> > > greetings on “Cheers”? Check out these gems from · > >> >>> > > >> the · > >> >>> > > >> > > TV series... > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s shaking Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “All four cheeks & a couple of chins.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s new Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my · > >> >>> > > >> > > stomach & they’re demanding beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’d you like Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “A reason to live. Give me another beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’ll you have Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll · > >> >>> > > >> > > take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Looks like beer, Norm.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Call me Mister Lucky.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating · > >> >>> > > >> you?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Like a baby treats a diaper.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “The Bobsie twins go to the brewery. - · > >> >>> > > >> Let’s · > >> >>> > > >> > > cut to the happy ending.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one · > >> >>> > > >> > > waiting for you.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “I know. If she calls, I’m not here.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Beer, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Have I gotten that predictable? Good.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Whatcha up to Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My ideal weight if I were eleven feet · > >> >>> > > >> tall.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Poor.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “I’m sorry to hear that.” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “No, I mean pour.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “How’s life treating you Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Like it caught me sleeping with its · > >> >>> > > >> wife.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s going down, Normie?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My butt cheeks on that bar stool.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “All right, but stop me at one. Make that · > >> >>> > > >> > > one-thirty.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “How’s it going Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody & I’m · > >> >>> > > >> > > wearing Milk Bone underwear.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s the story, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy · > >> >>> > > >> meets · > >> >>> > > >> > > another beer.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “The question is what’s going in Mr. · > >> >>> > > >> > > Peterson? A beer please, Woody.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “A little early isn’t it, Woody?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > WOODY: “For a beer?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “No, for stupid questions.” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “What’s up, Norm?” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “My nipples!! It’s cold out there!” > > >> >>> > > >> > > · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “I’ll have a beer Sammy”. · > >> >>> > > >> > > SAM: “Don’t you think it’s a little early Norm, · > >> >>> > > >> > > It’s only 11!” · > >> >>> > > >> > > NORM: “Yeah you’re right Sammy, float a Corn · > >> >>> > > >> Flake · > >> >>> > > >> > > in it!” |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:45:49 PM EDT
[#47]
Quoted: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. Panzer Out You can pick your nose. You CAN pick your friend's nose. But you can't roll your friends into tiny green balls and throw them on the dashboard. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 7:57:08 PM EDT
[#48]
Quoted: "Weird" Al Yankovic received a Bachelor's degree in Architecture in 1981. He also served as valedictorian of his high school at age 16. Gotta love his hair! At least he didn't try to molest little girls [;)] [img]http://64.242.166.152/antiussa1.jpg[/img] |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 8:11:21 PM EDT
[#49]
The chair is against the wall.
The chair is against the wall. John has a long mustache. John has a long mustache. |
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Posted: 12/26/2002 8:13:01 PM EDT
[#50]
Man who go to bed with itchy bunghole, wake up with stinky finger.
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