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Posted: 3/4/2001 8:00:41 PM EDT

I realize there are a few minor differences between message boards and organized crime: One talks endlessly about Zero Wing and how your scrubs just got owned by a roofle, and the other deals drugs, extorts business owners, and beat people up with baseball bats, but the actual structure behind your average Internet community discussion area is alarmingly mob-like.

You’ve got the fat-ass admin guy (Lowtax) with all the power whacking (banning) people who get on his nerves, the underbosses who do all the dirty work, posting everyday even if they have nothing interesting to say, the consiglieri who are well-known and liked within the organization, due to their amusing stories or massive porn posting, the hitmen with quirky personalities and gimmicky methods, and the foot soldiers who say “all your base are belong to us,” “LOL,” “me too,” and “YUO = FA*OT.”

Do you see what I’m getting at? Of course you don’t. What I’m trying to suggest is that forums should be more gang-like. Forums would be a lot more exciting if insulting the wrong troll or posting a lame joke caused you some sort of physical harm.

There isn’t nearly enough violence on the Information Superhighway. We’re far too safe online, there’s not enough risk. Sure, your credit card can get stolen, your phone number can be posted to alt.sex.people.freaky.weird, or your entire identity could be downloaded onto a floppy and held hostage by terrorists, but the only physical injuries you’re likely to incur are carpel tunnel syndrome or over-self-erotic-massage disease.

Someday, I hope the Internet is dangerous. I’d love to be able to walk around the cyberverse and hit some sucker in the head with a pipe-wrench, dodge Internet traffic on the virtual roads, and fall off a VRML cliff to my bloody and violent death. That’s the only way the Internet will make any money. People don’t want e-Coupons or e-Commerce or e-News or any of that junk, they want reality with slower loading times, animated gifs, and easier access to nudity.

And this, my friends, is a noble goal. Log on!

(My personal 'I have a Dream')

Link Posted: 3/4/2001 8:16:43 PM EDT
Wow .... and maybe we can brake some trolls legs for comeing over on our "turff" ! LOL
Link Posted: 3/4/2001 8:23:04 PM EDT
This is a very creative new view to one's expectation of what the Internet can be or do for you. I'm hoping you are not the kind of person who has watched the movie "Blue Velvet", 30 or 40 times.
Link Posted: 3/4/2001 8:28:05 PM EDT
You have watched [size=5]Way[/size=5] to many movies !

"There isn't near enough violence on the information superhighway"

WTF are you thinking ? The net tells you how to make bombs , napalm , nukes , guns , and just about every other destrucktive devices you can think of "not those are not good things in the right hands , but you gotta watch out just who gets there hads on the stuff" .

You may not be able to spray/get sprayed with your AR over the internet "yet" , but there is more than one way to harm law abiding Americans !

Regards: AR15Wanabe
Link Posted: 3/4/2001 8:37:10 PM EDT
" over-self-erotic-massage disease " ?????? .... Dude...thats NOT funny ... that disease REALLY hurts [:D]
Link Posted: 3/4/2001 8:59:13 PM EDT
Well then you need: [url]http://www.teledildonics.com/[/url]

Teledildonics is your answer son....just remember to avoid the electroshock of over indulgence!

Link Posted: 3/4/2001 10:18:42 PM EDT
Should you wear your aluminum foil beanie when using the teledildonics?

Link Posted: 3/5/2001 1:32:01 AM EDT

You worry me.....[;)]

Link Posted: 3/5/2001 3:26:33 AM EDT
Darn, it was solid overcast here last night.  I didn't realize it was a full moon.

Guess I am just one of those "foot soldiers"...
Link Posted: 3/5/2001 7:54:59 AM EDT
If you want to travel the internet superhighway and dodge traffic racer Nascar 4 online.  
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