cont.
The horrible thing about this drug is that it doesn't make you feel messed up the way some drugs do. It just gives you lots of energy to start out, but as time progresses and you become addicted, it begins to take away all your energy and whatever life you may have left.
You stay depressed, fatigued, lost, and alone.
You can't do anything without the drug. But the saddest part to this story is that even with all that I have lost because of it, my husband and I are still using this drug.
We know what it has done to our lives; it has almost destroyed our whole family. It has destroyed my life, but we are both afraid that we won't be able to make it without it.
He stays in so much pain from his hip, and I have physical pain besides the voices I hear. We both stay so depressed that the drug is the only thing that gets us out of bedto halfway
function.
I have quit taking the drug several times but my husband won't give it a try, so I always end up back on it again.
I am so weak. When I've been off the drug I do feel tired and I do hurt more, but I think those feelings would eventually ease off the longer I was off the drug. But I end up asking for it again.
We have discussed trying to get off the drug and cried in each other's arms like babies over this addiction that has taken over our lives. We feel worthless, useless and alone because we
don't want anyone to know what we have allowed ourselves to fall into.
We both used to be strong people.
I have prayed to the Lord over and over again for his help. I feel ashamed to ask him anymore for his help, because every time he helps me be strong and quit, I just start doing it again.
I thought if I could tell you this story maybe you could pray for us, maybe God will believe enough in you to try to help us again. I don't feel worthy enough to even whisper His name,
even though I know He still loves me and that is why I am so ashamed. I keep letting Him down too.
Maybe the more people who could pray for us God will give us another chance. I'm just so afraid of letting Him down again.
I have never had a thing like this take total control over me before. I just don't understand it. How could I still do this after all we have lost and all I have lost personally? I just don't understand.Please if you would, pray for us. I feel ashamed asking you to pray for us, but I just keep believing down inside my heart, somewhere deep and hidden, that we will overcome this someday with the Lord's help.
When I started having the auditory
hallucinations, I decided to tell our family what had happened to us but they became very
distant and wouldn't speak to us for years; so we had to pretend that we quit so they would love us again and talk to us. So we can't tell them. It's hard to keep it inside sometimes.
I still have the dreams that we will be rid of this evil someday before it kills one of us. If you can find it in your heart to
pray for us, I would very much appreciate it. I know God will listen to you. I am tired of lying to Him. Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for your prayers if you decide
you can pray for us.