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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 1/6/2006 2:23:47 AM EDT
I used to, eons ago when I was a dreamy-eyed little swingset, think I was going to be a writer. Well, all I ever did was jot about 500,000 words down on an old laptop and forgot about it.

So, I mounted up that old hard drive the other day to get something, and found my old journal/diary/whatever. Jeesh. Ever read something you wrote, and it seems so foreign to you that you can't believe it was really you? Ok, so this was just a couple years ago, but still it's like I'm reading something an alien wrote.

What struck me was how sappy I was - like some of the young fellas around here I like to preach at (shame on me). Anyway, I found something I was going to turn into a short story and didn't finish, and it's one of those rarer times where I admit I'm a numbnuts so here ya go ladies...enjoy. It's a golden gem....



Seven years. Has it really been seven years?

It's been almost eight, to be accurate. So long ago by the calendar yet I still remember every one of those days, small clear details amidst a soft, fuzzy dream. I remember the smell of hot pretzels, floating on the air above where we walked, tho I don't remember exactly where that street was. The tiny, faint, almost invisible hairs on her forearms, softer than a baby bird's feathers....only there if you felt them yet sometimes I can't picture her face for days or weeks a time. Then, it hits me all over again and in my mind I have clarity, and she's new again.. I remember fire-engine red painted toenails, room number 209, wonderful imported beer and shrimp, the songs we heard, the ways we made love, and sometimes - worst of all, I still imagine the warm breaths in my ear and the moans that carried them.

I dream those things, often....and instead of waking with a warm memory, there is a haunting empty feeling that balls up my chest and stays there for the remainder of the day. All of the things that remind me of those few days are like a daisy-chain curse, reappearing throughout my life, throughout my days.....the signs that tell me I will never forget, and yet I try to put my mind beyond it. It's a feeling I must hide, and pretend is anything but the pain of a love long gone. And, worst of all, no one on this earth knows of that love but me, and her, and that will never ever change.

I used to ridicule people who abandoned their heads, for some reckless, drunken lust. I fancied myself a smarter lot, incapable of being twisted or knocked off my course. And, like all arrogant men, I bent over for fate's wicked paddle and took it on the ass. And, what strikes me as I have grown away from that flurry of base emotion is that I would be a lucky man to never know such weakness again. Like the primative who meets his image in the mirror for the first time, I stared in abstract awe of myself, disbelieving I could be so foolish, so eager, so completely vulnerable. I did want to resist - to escape her in any way I could, but her beauty wouldn't allow me. And, transfixed on feelings, her body, sex, I became the very worst of myself. Greedy, selfish, pitiful and jealous, the smallest man I could be. And now 7 years, 2 months and some change later, I still want to blame her looks for that. I haven't changed at all. I still feel small, and still wake up with her warm breath in my ear.



Jesus, please take my man card now. I feel an episode of Oprah sucking me in. Help.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 2:59:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2006 3:00:14 AM EDT by Slacker]
I remember English Lit in HS, I had a really dramatic chick teacher. If an essay was rediculiously dramatic, she'd always give it an A! I still have some of those essays somewhere and they never cease to crack me up. I know just how you feel!

ETA: I just realized this is in the ladies forum. ....Slacker....backing out slowly......
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:07:30 AM EDT
Dude...Sensitivity and Oprah and a request to yank your mancard all in ONE post???

You'd better get SP1grrl or Mona to kill this thread. The wolves will flock in here...bad things will happen...and carnage will ensue!
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:11:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2006 3:12:43 AM EDT by Justa_TXguy]



Woops, I see this is the women's forum and not GD.

For the record, I mean this as a good-natured razz.

*snicker*

Link Posted: 1/6/2006 4:11:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Justa_TXguy:
For the record, I mean this as a good-natured razz.

*snicker*




Worry not. There's nothing you could say about me I haven't said about myself.

Well, other than I have a scary enormous penis. That I haven't heard.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 4:49:07 AM EDT
um..."you fancied yourself?"

giggle.

OK, Little Lord Fauntleroy. Let us know when you come back to America.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 4:49:32 AM EDT
Ha ha!

Swingset bent over and took it on the ass.

Link Posted: 1/6/2006 4:57:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:
um..."you fancied yourself?"

giggle.




I fancy myself every day, in one way or another.

It keeps the senses sharp, and helps me get to sleep.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 5:12:50 AM EDT
Yep.


Not only did you write that, but you shared it on ARFCOM.


With a little more practice you could be a regular ole Nicholas Sparks.

heheheheh­e

Link Posted: 1/6/2006 5:51:23 AM EDT
/me hits control P for the next millers shoot


since most of those he-men dont read the womens forum

Link Posted: 1/6/2006 6:37:03 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 7:00:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
You know, two paragraphs later would've shown us something quite racy. Swingset, ever thought about a career in smut books?

Oh, and by the way, don't forget to leave your man card at the door.



+1
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 7:02:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Persephone:
Ha ha!

Swingset bent over and took it on the ass.






Link Posted: 1/6/2006 8:49:06 AM EDT

Jeebus. Reading that makes me feel the way I would watching Jack Lambert sit at a cosmetics counter for a makeover. <cringe>

Good grief, go kill something, drink beer from a funnel, change out the alternator in a 350, just do something!

Link Posted: 1/6/2006 10:55:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BayEagle:
Jeebus. Reading that makes me feel the way I would watching Jack Lambert sit at a cosmetics counter for a makeover. <cringe>

Good grief, go kill something, drink beer from a funnel, change out the alternator in a 350, just do something!




I know, I know.

What the hell, it's cathartic. Kind of like finally showing your wife that picture of you when you were 15...and listening to the half hour of giggles. I know I lost some points here, but in fairness that whole mess was about some terrific pie. It's not like I was talking about my first Wham concert for chrissakes. At least it was a nekkid woman.

And, SP1girl is right on, if I had kept up with the sob story, I coulda described some good nookie stories. But alas, I'm a gentleman to the end.



Be glad my writing career fizzled, or else you would have seen my name every trip to Walmart, where my books would have featured Fabio standing shirtless behind a blond vixen with her head thrown back. hehe.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 11:08:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 11:09:39 AM EDT

The tiny, faint, almost invisible hairs on her forearms, softer than a baby bird's feathers...


ROFLMAO Ever heard of the Bulmer Lytton Award?
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 11:10:12 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 11:11:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2006 11:18:36 AM EDT by MRW]
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 11:56:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 12:26:15 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2006 12:47:35 PM EDT by TexRdnec]
i'm here for ya, man................


















feel better yet?
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 2:47:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By daisywench:
um..."you fancied yourself?"

giggle.

OK, Little Lord Fauntleroy. Let us know when you come back to America.


I'm sorry, Swingset. Go cut down a tree, drink a beer, and scratch your balls and you'll be alright.
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:16:35 PM EDT

"Sometimes life can be as frustrating as a deaf mute, playing bingo, getting bingo and trying to scream 'bingo'." -WolfAR15



blatant Larry the Cable Guy copyright infringement, i'm apalled
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:26:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TexRdnec:

"Sometimes life can be as frustrating as a deaf mute, playing bingo, getting bingo and trying to scream 'bingo'." -WolfAR15



blatant Larry the Cable Guy copyright infringement, i'm apalled


Pardon, I wasn't aware he said anything other than "GIT 'R DUN".
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:35:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 3:51:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:
<snip> and she's new again.. I remember fire-engine red painted toenails, room number 209, wonderful imported beer and shrimp, the songs we heard, the ways we made love, and sometimes - worst of all, I still imagine the warm breaths in my ear and the moans that carried them.

<snip> All of the things that remind me of those few days <snip> signs that tell me I will never forget, <snip> no one on this earth knows of that love but me, and her, and that will never ever change.

<snip> still wake up with her warm breath in my ear.



umm, ok, so am I the only one to say that these words would be a great way to get pie? I think if more of y'all would say a few words like this here and there, you might see a difference... every woman wants to be remembered, especially with such passion...

maybe it's too high a cost... maybe pie's not worth the words... in comes supply and demand...
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 5:37:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Persephone:
Ha ha!

Swingset bent over and took it on the ass.




we've been saying that for years
Link Posted: 1/6/2006 6:24:59 PM EDT
*SIGH*
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 4:23:40 PM EDT
Nice, "me likey"...especially the last part.
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 7:41:17 PM EDT
I sat through "bridges of madison county" once. Kind of sounds like that. I was bored after the first 10 minutes.
Link Posted: 1/25/2006 9:03:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tanlegsintx:
Nice, "me likey"...especially the last part.



Oh, the part where I admit I'm a dumbass?

Link Posted: 1/27/2006 12:21:22 AM EDT
Hey don't be too hard on yourself Swingset, I rather liked it.

Many men later in life can't help but suffer a bout of 'Melancholia' every now and again when they remember a love from their past, especially if she was someone special.

A real man will know this, usually it takes a little 'life exerience' to learn it.


"Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." -- Saint Augustine.

Ask any woman, romance is not dead, it just seems like it is. Show me a man who can share his heart honestly with a woman, and I'll show you a man who is not 'lonely' for long.....

Link Posted: 1/27/2006 6:02:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By AZMAN-1:
Hey don't be too hard on yourself Swingset, I rather liked it.

Many men later in life can't help but suffer a bout of 'Melancholia' every now and again when they remember a love from their past, especially if she was someone special.

A real man will know this, usually it takes a little 'life exerience' to learn it.


"Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." -- Saint Augustine.

Ask any woman, romance is not dead, it just seems like it is. Show me a man who can share his heart honestly with a woman, and I'll show you a man who is not 'lonely' for long..... hr

True... I admit to having written similar stuff. Just goes to show you're not one dimensional. If you do other things, like build AR-15's from parts for instance, I think you can admit it.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 10:44:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/27/2006 10:46:27 AM EDT by swingset]

Originally Posted By 11thwarrior:
True... I admit to having written similar stuff. Just goes to show you're not one dimensional. If you do other things, like build AR-15's from parts for instance, I think you can admit it.



Well, I did build an AR-15 from parts. I will admit having a hard time because I was still teary-eyed from watching "The Horse Whisperer", but I wiped my tears off on my angora sweater and persevered. It's a pink-Cav Arms, btw, shoots like a dream.

Glad I'm not a sissy. Thanks for cheering me up.

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