Posted: 12/11/2003 6:21:10 AM EDT
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A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. |
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This is an even newer element: MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET ELEMENT NAME: Woman SYMBOL: WO2 DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MAKE-UP: Accepted at 120 lbs, but known to vary from 100 lbs to 500 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1.Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2.Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 3.Melts if given special treatment. 4.Bitter if incorrectly used. 5.Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6.Yields to pressure if applied to correct points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1.Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. 2.Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3.May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason. 4.Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases when saturated with alcohol. 5.Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: 1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 2.Can be a great aid to relaxation. TASTES: 1.Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in nature state. 2.Turns green when placed beside better specimen. HAZARDS: 1.Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2.Illegal (and dangerous) to possess more than one |
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Quoted: This is an even newer element: MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET ELEMENT NAME: Woman SYMBOL: WO2 DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MAKE-UP: Accepted at 120 lbs, but known to vary from 100 lbs to 500 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1.Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2.Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 3.Melts if given special treatment. 4.Bitter if incorrectly used. 5.Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6.Yields to pressure if applied to correct points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1.Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. 2.Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3.May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason. 4.Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases when saturated with alcohol. 5.Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: 1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 2.Can be a great aid to relaxation. TASTES: 1.Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in nature state. 2.Turns green when placed beside better specimen. HAZARDS: 1.Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2.Illegal (and dangerous) to possess more than one [lol] |