A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as
it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount
of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when
it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of
moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is
formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it
when you see it.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an
element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons
but twice as many morons.

An oldie but a damn goodie!

[LOL] Very creative.

[ROFL2]
Oh man you just made my day!
I'll bring this to my next Republican party meeting. That was really funny.

LOL, I've never seen that read before but it did give me a good laugh that I really needed today. Thanks.

This is an even newer element:

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

ELEMENT NAME: Woman
SYMBOL: WO2
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MAKE-UP: Accepted at 120 lbs, but known to vary from 100 lbs to
500 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1.Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2.Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3.Melts if given special treatment.
4.Bitter if incorrectly used.
5.Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6.Yields to pressure if applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1.Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2.Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3.May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4.Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases when saturated with alcohol.
5.Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TASTES:

1.Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in nature state.
2.Turns green when placed beside better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1.Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2.Illegal (and dangerous) to possess more than one

[lol]

Those are pretty good.  I'll have to show them to my physics teacher.