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Posted: 9/11/2004 6:31:37 AM EST
Okay, I need to rant:

I have an older sister who is currently pregnant with her third child and recently moved within 15 minutes of me. Before she moved back, she had lived out of state for 10 years and all was fine. Now that she is back, she is driving me looney. (Granted, it is a short drive sometimes!) Since last December when she and her husband decided to get pregnant, literally EVERY conversation with her has revolved around her uterus and I am completely sick of it. I attempted to talk to my mother about this and her answer was "Well, you are just jealous because she's having a baby and you probably want one." I do not want one...what the heck would the dogs think if I did that?!?! Anyway, I have tried on numerous occasions to change the subject of our conversations (and she sometimes calls 2 or 3 times a day...even while I am at work!) and so I have suddenly become the evil witch of our family because I can't deal with it anymore. Am I a horrible person because I have reached my baby talk limit??????

ML
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 6:41:53 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 6:42:20 AM EST by Persephone]
I don't think you're a horrible person because you've had your fill.

It does get tough when people have a one track mind...

I don't remember talking much about my pregnancies unless I was having problems or a person asked.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 7:40:46 AM EST
Have you had a heart to heart with your sister to let her know your topic preferences do not include her baby manufacturing area? I would suggest maybe giving that a try, as perhaps she has no clue that you aren't interested in hearing the details. I wouldn't rely on other family members to relay the information, as they will most certainly add their $.02 in and things will get all blown out of proportion.

If you let her know directly, and she still yaps about baby stuff, then she is being thoughtless towards you and not the other way around.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 8:21:08 AM EST

Originally Posted By SigZiggy:
Have you had a heart to heart with your sister to let her know your topic preferences do not include her baby manufacturing area? I would suggest maybe giving that a try, as perhaps she has no clue that you aren't interested in hearing the details. I wouldn't rely on other family members to relay the information, as they will most certainly add their $.02 in and things will get all blown out of proportion.

If you let her know directly, and she still yaps about baby stuff, then she is being thoughtless towards you and not the other way around.



I tried to talk to her about it a while ago and she completely blew up...she was totally irrational about it and I'm fairly sure that her condition made that happen. I have also tried to steer our conversations toward other things like her other kids and stuff and it ALWAYS goes back to her pregnancy. I could ask her how the weather is and she would answer with something like, "You know this heat makes my pregnancy even worse." I'll have to admit that she is pretty amazing when it comes to this. She has always been a talker and not a listener, but I think she's gone off the deep end. You are right about not talking to other people about it because that's how my mom got into this and she has since decided that I am hopelessly jealous despite my statements to the contrary. Ugh.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 9:25:45 AM EST
Yikes! what a bad situation. I honestly don't think there is anything you can say, just like the pro gun can't change the thoughts of the anti gun.
One track mind!
If it was me, I would just try to limit my time around her until after the baby is due, but then you'll have oh the baby, this the baby that.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 9:31:31 AM EST
It is very common for a pregnant woman to be consumed with her pregnancy. I know I felt like it was all I thought about...there were times I would even ask people could we not talk about it. {most} pregnant women can not be reasoned with....so I think trying to talk to her would be in vain. Sounds like you are trying your best to steer the conversations away..just keep trying maybe? And yeah - don't you know that whenever a woman disagrees or dislikes something about another woman it is because she is jelaous????


Link Posted: 9/11/2004 9:49:58 AM EST
Thanks for the advice guys...I hate being at odds with my family, but I was pretty near my breaking point this week and the whole "you must be jealous" just sent me over the edge. I guess I would understand my sister better if this were her first pregnancy, but this is number three and I would have thought by now that she would have sort of gotten over the "Look at me, I'm pregnant!" thing by this one. I guess I was wrong. I think I'll just lay low for a while and not answer her or my mother's calls until I can get over being angry with them. Voice mail really is great sometimes.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 12:42:20 PM EST
I can be pretty obsessive-compulsive about things, and I KNOW I get under people's skin from time to time, so I kinda understand where she's coming from.

Just be patient. She'll get over it eventually.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:15:58 PM EST

Originally Posted By arowneragain:
I can be pretty obsessive-compulsive about things, and I KNOW I get under people's skin from time to time, so I kinda understand where she's coming from.

Just be patient. She'll get over it eventually.



Well, as she is always saying "8 more weeks to go!" and then it will be baby this and baby that...I can't wait.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:24:24 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/11/2004 1:25:03 PM EST by DoubleFeed]
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 1:46:01 PM EST

Originally Posted By DoubleFeed:

Originally Posted By MarianLibrarian:

Originally Posted By SigZiggy:
Have you had a heart to heart with your sister to let her know your topic preferences do not include her baby manufacturing area? I would suggest maybe giving that a try, as perhaps she has no clue that you aren't interested in hearing the details. I wouldn't rely on other family members to relay the information, as they will most certainly add their $.02 in and things will get all blown out of proportion.

If you let her know directly, and she still yaps about baby stuff, then she is being thoughtless towards you and not the other way around.



I tried to talk to her about it a while ago and she completely blew up...she was totally irrational about it and I'm fairly sure that her condition made that happen. I have also tried to steer our conversations toward other things like her other kids and stuff and it ALWAYS goes back to her pregnancy. I could ask her how the weather is and she would answer with something like, "You know this heat makes my pregnancy even worse." I'll have to admit that she is pretty amazing when it comes to this. She has always been a talker and not a listener, but I think she's gone off the deep end. You are right about not talking to other people about it because that's how my mom got into this and she has since decided that I am hopelessly jealous despite my statements to the contrary. Ugh.

This is truly a MONUMENTAL post. I don't think this statement from a woman has ever happened before



Well, never having been in that condition, its really easy for me to point fingers. OTOH, my sister could very well just be plain nuts.
Link Posted: 9/11/2004 8:59:18 PM EST
I can relate, my two closest friends both had babies last year. In fact their kids are only 3 months apart in age. Throughout their pregnancies, and their babies lives, it has controlled every conversation. I am happy to hear about the kids, because I do love babies. I am also glad to see my friends happy, but it can get annoying too. There are times that I would really like to take part in a conversation, and cannot because my baby is 7 years old now. They treat me like I am a weirdo for not wanting another right now. It just wouldn't work for my family now, and we are pretty happy with our only child (princess). You are not horrible, you're human. Hearing about babies and pregnancy all the time would be like reading the same book over and over again. You may love the book, but a little variety is nice too.
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 2:40:59 AM EST
Oh, yeah, they grich. Let them!

Sorry, but I don't care what my family thinks, anymore.

We did not have any. I could not carry. My brotheres & sister and her daughter were constantly 'rubbing it in'. Pissed me off for quite some time, when that is all they would talk about. Then they tried to say, "Well you could always adopt". Not a chance! Then, of course there is the MIL who would just love to have a grandchild. Oh well.....too bad....never happen! I love them all anyway.

I guess I am hardened to it, as a form of self defense. I focus on all the good things I have because I do not have to "pay" for taking care of the little rug rats. Don't take this wrong, I am sure that if we had had one or two or five or ten, we would probably be as compassionate for the other side of the argument. But if a person chooses to do something or not to do it, it is their choice and others who disagree can just get over themselves. You can never make someone do something they do not want to do.
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 2:46:43 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/12/2004 2:47:03 AM EST by Warrior-Poet]
Thank God I'm a grandparent!


Your sister will be fine. Don't axe her before your niece/nephew is born though! She admires your independence, sorta wishes she wasn't pregnant, and wants to share the Joy. All will be fine in less than 9 months. Then come the pictures!
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 6:05:51 AM EST
Good news on the home front. I talked to my mom who admitted that my sister was grating her last nerve as well...for some strange reason that made me feel much better. I think my sister got the point because I haven't heard from her all weekend. I will try to be a bigger person and get over the whole thing, but the whole "you must be jealous" thing was over the top. Sometimes I wish I was a guy so I didn't have to deal with this crap. Anyway, thanks for the support guys!
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 7:14:21 AM EST
There are always those who "control the conversation" so to speak. You can't avoid having at least one or two in a family. It sounds like you are being polite about the issue, and unfortunately it appears that the avoidance might be the best way to handle it for now.

If it gets to the point where you need to vent more, just come here and do it! If you say something not so polite to us, we won't give a crap, and most likely we'll be supportive because we aren't biased about your situation. It is much easier than mending a family fence!
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 3:47:07 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 4:04:25 PM EST

Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer:
i guess since it's your sister the usual advise of 45 and a shovel would not apply here.

mike



Nah...her kids would notice and then I would have to listen to them instead of her. I think this is a no win situation.
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 4:18:50 PM EST
I think it is simply the fact that you guys have lived apart (just fine) for some time, and being/living close again, after such a long time is sometimes really hard. You as well as your sister have gone your own ways and developed certain way of life, that neither one of you knows or understands.

I guess baby steps - the only advice I can give, take it one day at a time. Unfortunately, her hormonal imbalance doesn’t help right now either.

Link Posted: 9/12/2004 5:00:27 PM EST
Why do you think she is obsessed with talking about her pregnacy? Is she concerned with the pregnacy or is she just one of those women who love the attention that being pregnant brings?

I agree with ms_international that most of the problems are due to you two living apart for ten years. That's a long time for lives to have grown in different directions.
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 5:22:59 PM EST

Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer:
i guess since it's your sister the usual advise of 45 and a shovel would not apply here.

mike


You are bad!
Link Posted: 9/12/2004 6:16:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By ms_international:

Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer:
i guess since it's your sister the usual advise of 45 and a shovel would not apply here.

mike


You are bad!



But in the best way possible!
Link Posted: 9/13/2004 3:35:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
Why do you think she is obsessed with talking about her pregnacy? Is she concerned with the pregnacy or is she just one of those women who love the attention that being pregnant brings?

I agree with ms_international that most of the problems are due to you two living apart for ten years. That's a long time for lives to have grown in different directions.



My sister is an attention whore of the first degree and being pregnant is like getting an Oscar for her. It is compounded by the fact that she is home now where she wasn't with the first two. I also agree that her moving back has a lot to do with it...maybe I should move, then?
Link Posted: 9/13/2004 3:59:56 AM EST

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
Why do you think she is obsessed with talking about her pregnacy? Is she concerned with the pregnacy or is she just one of those women who love the attention that being pregnant brings?




+1 for obnoxious attention whore. Having a baby is the most productive attention getter for her, so she keeps doing it. She doesn't even talk to me anymore, which is the way I like it
Link Posted: 9/13/2004 6:56:58 AM EST

Originally Posted By MarianLibrarian:

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
Why do you think she is obsessed with talking about her pregnacy? Is she concerned with the pregnacy or is she just one of those women who love the attention that being pregnant brings?

I agree with ms_international that most of the problems are due to you two living apart for ten years. That's a long time for lives to have grown in different directions.



My sister is an attention whore of the first degree and being pregnant is like getting an Oscar for her. It is compounded by the fact that she is home now where she wasn't with the first two. I also agree that her moving back has a lot to do with it...maybe I should move, then?



That is not a good reason to have children. I thought this must be the case when you said she didn't talk about her other kids.

If you decide to move, just make sure you don't tell her where to .

BTW, I understand how you feel about the 'you must be jealous' comment. That sort of remark just ticks me off.
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