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Posted: 4/14/2006 10:07:38 PM EST
Alright, I know this isn't exactly the relationship advice forum, but I'd like some advice from you guys.

I've been with this girl for one year and three months, and the whole time the relationship has been great. She means the world to me, and I could really see myself growing old with her. Sure, we've had a few bumps along the way but everything has been fine. Lately, it has come to my attention that I've been slacking a little in showing her that I love her and telling her how I feel about her. At the same time, another guy who has feelings for her has admitted his feelings to her and told her that he cares about her. She had been hanging out with him from time to time as friends, but it was never evident to me about how he felt about her. A few days ago, she told me about how he told her his feelings for her. They hung out last night and it finally occured to me that she was starting to have feelings for him. I asked her about it and she told me that she was attracted to him. Now, tonight, she says that she wants to have a break from me to "explore her feelings" for him. Naturally, I was hurt by this as I was never expecting something of this nature to happen, as I had thought things were going along quite peachy. I feel that I treat her good, but I do admit that I've been not as "lovey dovey" as when we first met each other. Now it seems that he is a threat to our being together, and I would like to ensure that she doesn't end up leaving me.

Normally, if he was a great guy, I would (reluctantly) let her loose and let her see how she felt. But there is a problem. This guy is a complete asshole to me and a majority of the people that I know, and I know he's not going to treat her right. He's cocky, selfish, and talks to others in degrading ways. He also doesn't know shit about how a relationship works. He's a couple years younger then me and he even went far enough to tell her that he "loves" her. He's only hung out with her less then five times, so I know these words are meaningless. I feel that it takes a looong time for someone to actually be in love with someone, and that love is something that's not tossed around lightly.

So, what should I do? I know that most of the regulars on here are older than me (I'm only 18), and that most have more experience with this type of thing then me. Should I try to talk to the guy and tell him to back off, or try to win her over and show her how much better I can be then him?

No bullshit remarks or answers please. We're all old enough to give good advice here.

Thanks
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:10:15 PM EST
newbie + relationship advice thread = flaming trainwreck.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:10:59 PM EST
Dude your asking the wrong crew. Friday night crew at that, good luck!
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:11:02 PM EST
your 18

let her go, if she doesn't come back on her own she not worth keeping.

that said


well...

Im not going to say it.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:11:16 PM EST
She is going to get with him if you allow it or not. You are better off the dump her right fucking NOW and move on.

Sorry you're going out with a bitch.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:12:23 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:12:40 PM EST by readytorock556]
Bang her best friend!
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:13:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:14:37 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:15:37 PM EST by FieroLoki]
Been together that long and she wants a break to "explore her feelings" for another guy? Point out the curb to her and show her a boot... Thats total bullshit.... Let her go, go bang her friends and enjoy life.

Edit: Her mind is made up... But, if it makes you feel better, go beat the shit out of the guy, cause he is part of you and her breaking up....Beat him bad
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:14:41 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:43:57 PM EST by Magurgle]
You are young, cut her loose. A clean break. Sometimes people need to make mistakes and it seems like she wants to make some of her own right now.



This guy is a complete asshole to me and a majority of the people that I know, and I know he's not going to treat her right. He's cocky, selfish, and talks to others in degrading ways



Regardless of what they might say most women are powerless against this type of guy, some learn after the 1st one, some never learn. You might not think it now but at 18 you still have alot of learning about life. Not meant in malicious way but it is true, high school and the real world are two different things and alot changes from one to the other.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:16:19 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:17:08 PM EST by Zardoz]
Your relationship's already over. Abandon ship.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:16:57 PM EST
I'm not going to tell you to go break up with this girl, but I think she's showing some problems with loyalty. You shouldn't have to be with the same girl for over a year, only to have her say she wants to try exploring other waters because you don't show enough affection anymore. Don't you think after your time together, you've earned some loyalty? And if she was feeling dissatisfied, at least a little time to work on your affection problems before she jumps to saying she wants to try out being with some other guy?

You're young and you've got your life ahead of you. To me, a year is a long time. What's gonna happen if she decides you're not giving her enough affection a year from now? 2 years if you're still together, and so on?

My vote is you tell her to make her own decision on this, and go with the flow. If she stays with you, and I mean really stays with you instead of just dating him behind your back, then it shows she has some loyalty and she can resist temptation. If she leaves you and hooks up with him, then you've avoided wasting any more time on a dead end.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:17:08 PM EST
You're an adult, Do what you hope will make you happy. Take responsability for making yourself happy.
Bear in mind a 'relationship' is two people wanting to be together, if one doesn't it's not a relationship anymore, so there is no Let her go or not option, she's already gone, mentally if not physically.

She's an Adult, let her make her own decisions, and take responsability for the result.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:17:23 PM EST
I'd recommend you hit it one more time, real good, then quit calling her.

Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:17:56 PM EST

Originally Posted By BigWorm55:
My vote is you tell her to make her own decision on this, and go with the flow. If she stays with you, and I mean really stays with you instead of just dating him behind your back, then it shows she has some loyalty and she can resist temptation. If she leaves you and hooks up with him, then you've avoided wasting any more time on a dead end.



I'd be willing to bet she's already been doing this, and has been for a while.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:19:09 PM EST

Originally Posted By Zakk_Wylde_470:

Originally Posted By BigWorm55:
My vote is you tell her to make her own decision on this, and go with the flow. If she stays with you, and I mean really stays with you instead of just dating him behind your back, then it shows she has some loyalty and she can resist temptation. If she leaves you and hooks up with him, then you've avoided wasting any more time on a dead end.



I'd be willing to bet she's already been doing this, and has been for a while.



It's definitely possible.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:19:11 PM EST

Originally Posted By Justa_TXguy:
I'd recommend you hit it one more time, real good, then quit calling her.





Go deep! Real Deep!
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:20:26 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:21:12 PM EST by vanilla_gorilla]
See the yellow and black striped handles on either side of your seat? Grab both of those real tight and FUCKING EJECT!



Edit to add: fuck her one last time, wipe your dick on the curtains, and hit the road.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:24:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By readytorock556:

Originally Posted By Justa_TXguy:
I'd recommend you hit it one more time, real good, then quit calling her.





Go deep! Real Deep!



+1
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:27:26 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:27:57 PM EST by readytorock556]
Look dude their is so much ass in the universe it's hard to fathom. I know you probably lost your virginity to this chick and you all up on it and all that. Take it from a married guy whose 31 and has a kid with another on the way. I just started going back to college, day classes at that, fuck their is so much ass on campus. At times I have to remind myself I'm married. If your 18 and you're fixed on one chick then my friend you need a good ole bitch slap. Jesus, if I was your age I would be well........
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:29:12 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:30:38 PM EST by blacklisted]
Stick it in her pooper, then pull the eject lever.

A lot of girls have a strange desire to be with abusive guys. If this is the case with her, there isn't much you can do. If you really care for her as a friend even after the relationship, you can keep and eye out and make sure he isn't abusing her. That's really all I can think of.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:29:53 PM EST
DTB
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:31:04 PM EST
"explore her feelings" is wimmen code for "keep you around like an emotional tampon so when he fucks her and leaves you are still there as backup"

Everything seems to mean more than it does when youre 18, most of us were there once. If this relationship was as serious to her as it apparently is to you this wouldnt even be happening. Be glad you found out now instead of after she was cheating on you and passing STDs for a year.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:31:25 PM EST
In before Pg. 10!

Honestly, it sounds like it's pretty much over for you. Girls do not like guys who are bland. They seek out the assholes because they crave drama.

Get in there and fight for her. Don't be a sap about it though. That will only work against you.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:34:03 PM EST
Dude, the mission is critical! You have to bone one of her friends to save the relationship. Take one for the AR15 team. Now get out there and begin operation wax ass.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:37:30 PM EST

Originally Posted By vanilla_gorilla:
See the yellow and black striped handles on either side of your seat? Grab both of those real tight and FUCKING EJECT!



+1,000,000
EJECT!

EJECT!

EJECT!



Edit to add: fuck her in the p**per...HARD one last time,Take her money ,wipe your dick on the curtains, and hit the road.


Fixed it for ya!

Read it,
Do it,
Learn it,
Live it,
Love it,
Repeat.

Tall Shadow
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:38:26 PM EST

Originally Posted By BillofRights:
In before Pg. 10!

Honestly, it sounds like it's pretty much over for you. Girls do not like guys who are bland. They seek out the assholes because they crave drama.

Get in there and fight for her. Don't be a sap about it though. That will only work against you.




This right here will head you for a life of an emotional tampon. If you jump in and fight for her once like this, and win, prepare to do it a couple of times a year until you're dead or in jail.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:38:39 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:40:47 PM EST by readytorock556]

Originally Posted By Tall_Shadow:

Originally Posted By vanilla_gorilla:
See the yellow and black striped handles on either side of your seat? Grab both of those real tight and FUCKING EJECT!



+1,000,000
EJECT!

EJECT!

EJECT!



Edit to add: fuck her in the p**per...HARD one last time,Take her money ,wipe your dick on the curtains, and hit the road.


Fixed it for ya!


Read it,
Do it,
Learn it,
Live it,
Love it,
Repeat.

Tall Shadow



Oh shit! Thats wacked!
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:42:59 PM EST
He will just hit it a few times and then call "NEXT". You don't want that kind of female around. Better to hear it now than 7 years down the road. Move on. If you bang 4 or 5 random ladies, you will feel better. If that doesn't work, then bang 5 more. Make sure the ex knows about it though. You might need to pull psych ops on her if she has hurt you badly. There is nothing sweeter than revenge. As a final thought, EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:45:44 PM EST
Your relationship was over the first time she met him.
She was just waiting for a new guy to show up.

Its over whether you like it or not.

How do I know this?

It happened to me when I was young and stupid.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:46:44 PM EST
+1 for a last fuck ....



but either way you should kick this guys ass !






Invisiblesoul
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:48:12 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:49:21 PM EST by liles1977]
Dude...it's over. Be a Wooderson. Get as many as you can. while you can.


What I'd give to be 18 and single again....sheesh.

ETA: Definitely go for the final glory...if she'll let ya, that is.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:48:51 PM EST

Originally Posted By I_want_an_AR:
A few days ago, she told me about how he told her his feelings for her.

They hung out last night and it finally occured to me that she was starting to have feelings for him.

I asked her about it and she told me that she was attracted to him.

Now, tonight, she says that she wants to have a break from me ...

to "explore her feelings" for him.

I feel that I treat her good, but I do admit that I've been not as "lovey dovey" as when we first met each other. Now it seems that he is a threat to our being together, and I would like to ensure that she doesn't end up leaving me.

So, what should I do?



It is not within your power to "ensure" that she doesn't leave you.

At least to her, act like a MAN.

She's GONE. Forever. You will not marry her. You will not grow old with her. Don't even think about it.

"lovey dovey" also means being her bitch, idol worshiping slave.

Bang her sister, best friend, mother, the local slut, grandma, dog, ... or not. But whatever you do, don't go sniveling & chasing after her.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:49:29 PM EST
Well, i'd give Romeo a piece of my mind for not waiting for your corpse to assume room temperature, then tell your girl that she's free to leave. You need to tell her that you are letting her go because you love her and want her to be happy, even if it means without you. If she gives a rat-fuck about you, she'll stick around. If not, you are both on to greener pastures.

Dave

BTW: You are 18 years old... you shouldn't be thinking about growing old with a woman until you've spent time with a few. No business getting married before 26 (at a minimum) in my opinion.

Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:50:54 PM EST
Does she have a hot mom. You could always go the MILF route.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:52:46 PM EST

Originally Posted By parshooter:

Originally Posted By I_want_an_AR:
A few days ago, she told me about how he told her his feelings for her.

They hung out last night and it finally occured to me that she was starting to have feelings for him.

I asked her about it and she told me that she was attracted to him.

Now, tonight, she says that she wants to have a break from me ...

to "explore her feelings" for him.

I feel that I treat her good, but I do admit that I've been not as "lovey dovey" as when we first met each other. Now it seems that he is a threat to our being together, and I would like to ensure that she doesn't end up leaving me.

So, what should I do?



It is not within your power to "ensure" that she doesn't leave you.

At least to her, act like a MAN.

She's GONE. Forever. You will not marry her. You will not grow old with her. Don't even think about it.

"lovey dovey" also means being her bitch, idol worshiping slave.

Bang her sister, best friend, mother, the local slut, grandma, dog, ... or not. But whatever you do, don't go sniveling & chasing after her.



+1 bazillion
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:53:38 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 10:55:06 PM EST by Sixgun357]
Let her go Mean while hook up with another hot chick. If it was meant to be it will al come back together later one.


PS dont ever ask for relationship advice here again. Its like going to the bar and asking a bunch of drunks how to quit drinking, all your going to get is non sense.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:56:00 PM EST
Oh, one more thing: To come away from this mentally "clean", you need to be the one to initiate the breakup. She already has a plan in all probability-she is acting and you are reacting. Better to be the one who does the deed and lands on two feet. In 6 months, Rico Suave' will have shown himself to be the shitstain he is, and you'll be on to your next honey... or maybe even 2 or 3 honeys. But, mark my words: If you let her break it off with you, you won't be able to move on for at least as long as you were together. BDTD.

Dey All Bitchiz.. Didn't used to think that way, but women do what women do and hard ones are good to find. The timing has to be right-you'll meet a lot of good women in your life, but it won't last unless you are both at the same point in life and going the same places for things to work out long term.

Dave
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 10:56:33 PM EST
You should probably come to terms with the fact that she may have been screwing this guy behind your back. Hope you used a rubber, might wanna get that checked out anyways.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:06:34 PM EST

Originally Posted By TheOtherDave:

Dey All Bitchiz.. Didn't used to think that way, but women do what women do and hard ones are good to find.



Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:16:15 PM EST
Now that all the "guys" have chimed in...

You alluded to the fact that you don't treat her like you used to. Its very possible that she thinks YOU are the one who is pulling away.

I don't know the specifics, but at this point, the only way you can keep her, is to tell her how you feel, then be ready to walk away.

Whatever you do, do NOT be her back up man. She has to know that she will lose you, if she decides to stay with bachelor no. 2.

I'm assuming she is very young too, and maybe SHE is confused. I'd let her know how you feel, and give her a chance to think about that, before you "kick her to the curb."


Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:18:34 PM EST

Originally Posted By 4xDawn:
"kick her to the curb."





Yeah, what she said.....
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:21:07 PM EST

Originally Posted By FieroLoki:

Originally Posted By 4xDawn:
"kick her to the curb."





Yeah, what she said.....



Yep
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:21:16 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 11:24:03 PM EST by HommieDaKlown]

Originally Posted By Zardoz:
Your relationship's already over. Abandon ship.


+20

and she has already been cheating on you.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:23:56 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/14/2006 11:31:30 PM EST by Saguaro]

Originally Posted By leelaw:
She is going to get with him if you allow it or not. You are better off the dump her right fucking NOW and move on.

Sorry you're going out with a bitch.



Bingo! Couldn't have said it better myself. Dump the cunt before she dumps you.

ETA: But ream her first, then cream her face.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:26:20 PM EST
I'm 20 now (21 in 3 months) and have been dating my girl for 3 years.

I have a friend where this exact same scenario happened, the only difference was the guy was older.

They went to seperate colleges, and 1 week into the term freshman year in college, she tells him that she met someone and wants a break to "meet other people to see if he is really the right one." He loved her (had been dating her for 3 years himself) and loved her enough to let her make her own choices and agreed with it. 3 weeks later, this bitch was making wedding plans with this dude. I guess this guy told her that he loved her on day 3 after meeting her and said they were "soul mates."

My girlfriend was friends with this girl. This new guy basically went around pissing off all her friends, and when they lashed back, she'd stand in the way as a defense and play it off like he could never do such a thing. Personally I wanted to kick this guy's ass. He even went so far as to have a debate on AR's with me. (turned out to be a rich boy Colt Snob.. no offense to you kool-aid drinkers... he just sounded like rich boy know it all, must buy the most expensive because I can type), which led me to label this tramp as a prime grade "Gold Digger."

So after announcing her wedding in the newspaper every 6 months for the next 2 years, which I might add her parents found out about her engagement on the third wedding announcement. She didn't tell anyone in her family.

So basically it came down to this. Friends dislike her, family disowned her, lost the best thing she had going for her (her boyfriend, my friend), daddy in law cut the funding because they got "married", and they've been the laughing stock of every conversation dealing with marriage in general. And what's priceless is this tramp is in denial and constantly brags about her 4CT. (fake) diamond ring, and her 2CT (another fake or real crappy grade) "backup" engagement ring. (I might add that she needed the backup because a stone fell out of her first one. I mean really.. WTF?? )

So my point for telling this story is this.

My friend thought he was going to spend his life with this girl. College obviously changed that in 1 week with a few simple words of "I love you" and a few evenings spent "sharing feelings."

He was sad that she left, devistated in fact. Later he realized that this girl was a nutcase(after the said events). He's never looked back and is grateful of the outcome. Your milage may vary, and to prove it.....

As I've said, I've dated my girl for over 3 years. We met as a blind date at Senior Prom. Been together through the end of highschool, through the transition to college, and through 3 years of college. I know 100% that we will end up together. She knows it.

From previous "experience" (from my friend above)... I say bail on the bag of problems, and wait till you hit college before trying again (Your almost there), then sign up for a 9-10am lab in a class like Biology. Team up with some cute nice looking girls for your lab team(They will be there), and get to know them. After the term ends, keep in touch and make your move. Seen it happen, and it works. Just avoid the chick's in Women's Studies...... and occasionally any Math above a 200 level.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:26:54 PM EST
Some of the best advice ever given to me:

Women are like buses. You ride one for a while and get off and another one comes by ten minutes later.
Link Posted: 4/14/2006 11:58:50 PM EST
Oh yeah, whether you want to belive it ot not, you and the guy are already peter-in-laws. I can assure you.
Link Posted: 4/15/2006 12:02:46 AM EST
As much as it sucks now, you will look back and say what a fucking bitch

If you can break the emotional bond, dont be affraid to keep the friends with benefits while you resume the hunt
Link Posted: 4/15/2006 12:29:40 AM EST
You've gotten some excellent advice so far, so I only want to emphasize one point.

Stay away from her. Make a clean break. If you 'try to prove' yourself to her, it will only explode in your face. You will get into some altercation with this other guy her new boyfriend and she will call the cops. You will then be charged and convicted with domestic violence and you can say bye bye to any hopes of gun ownership forever.

There is a world of pussy out there and you are wasting your time with this one. It will tear your heart for a little while which is good. It will make you stronger for when it happens the next time. Good luck.
Link Posted: 4/15/2006 1:15:33 AM EST
dont be fooled by her stories about how she first hung out with him as friends and developed "feelings" for him just lately. She was attracted to him from the start, thats for sure. Get out of there ASAP.

In general, when a guy says "i have doubts about the relationship", then thats exactly what he means: he has doubts.
When a woman says she has doubts then actually she has already made up her mind to leave you.
Link Posted: 4/15/2006 1:18:11 AM EST
Wow, I'm actually kinda impressed by the advice given on here tonight. A big +1 to what most of the people on here said, it should be a helpful insight.
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