I have been separated physically from my Ogre (husband) for 10 months, but mentally for about three years. I am not a person that trusts or believes anyone easily, but after three years, I gave in to trusting he was a friend. Ten years later, I feel like I have aged a thousand years from all the stress.
He seemed to run on a light switch, but I never knew who, when or why it would flip on and off. I went from being someone special and deserving of kindness, to nothing but trash. I gave up a home because I thought he was sincere, and I trusted him with my kids. For the last ten years, I have wondered every month if I would be out on the streets, and since I still depend on him, it feels almost the same. Except I do not care, I would be happy living in my car now that I know what it feels like to wake up everyday, and not see, hear, or smell him. I am still taking care of him, as he is too depressed, too lazy, too tired, too irresponsible to pay the bills, grocery shop, clean, or otherwise function. So I do not feel I have ever taken advantage of him. He has brought so much of his present situation on himself.
He has attempted suicide about 7 times in 12 years, the last was about two years ago. He almost accomplished it that time. Since then, he has been going downhill fast. The only thing that never changes is the absolute meaness. He has not been able to abuse me in the last 10 months, except that he spits in my face on occasion.
Four weeks ago, he told me he was going to "check out", he was going to leave me everything and kill himself. I try not to play into it too much, as this just seems to drive him. He was so doped up, he barely could speak without over slurring his words. When I left the house, I made sure it was locked. My daughter was having a neighbor get my grandson off the bus, and well, she forgot, so the lady next door got him off the bus, he is only five. Instead of just letting him stay in her house, she came in through a window that was not locked, went into Ogres room, took his keys and used his car. She was aware of his mental state, and gets him to give her xanax now and then. Later that evening he called me pissed off accusing me of taking half of his pills. I did take the guns, but I never touched his meds. Gee, guess who took them. He bitched and screamed about it, but when I tried to make a police report, he became really irrate. She denied it, and I just said screw it. She has taken his money and his bank card, but he chooses to just let it go.
The next week, he wanted me to move back in, and have my own room, and just live as room mates. (yeah, that's gonna happen).
The next week, while my back was out, and I could barely walk, he calls to tell me I need to get my "stuff" out of the house ASAP, he is putting it on the market. He has no idea he cannot do that without me.
Just this week I learned he has been bad mouthing me, and saying how tired he is of having to put up with me. I haved stayed away as much as possible. He has not even seen the 13 year old in over 5 weeks. He told my oldest son, he was cutting me off. Mind you this is out of the blue, again. He asked three different people about purchaseing a shotgun or a handgun. One of them said he stated he was going to blow his head off after he took care of some 'things'.
Okay, so he is Bi-polar, and I found his mood drugs in the bottom of the dumpster, about 5 bottles of them. I have been in contact with the VA over the last ten years on a regular basis, they always promise to take care of him, but they just give him drugs and talk about the weather. They don't take me serious. Tuesday I went in and cornered the Dr.'s nurse. I told her about everything except what I have learned in the last few days. She corrected me on his diagnosis, he is Bi-polar with psychotic episodes. She told me I need to have him commited, and she will back me. Just get a lawyer and do it. Riiight.
I made a ton of phone calls, but being a Friday, I got no answers. I guess Monday, I will start again. I feel sorry for him, and I hate him at the same time. It must really suck to be so mindless. His mother had alzheimers (spelling? I don't care) she was a very violent woman one minute and then had dilusions of being a beauty queen the next.
Between my kids, and him, everyday is a new adventure. I am going to college in hopes of getting a job that won't require the use of my back too much. I was on workmans comp for about 8 months, and then just boom, I was cured and yet too disabled to have my job back. They still have not fired me.
I just wondered, should I blow off the threats of him possibly wanting to kill me and himself? I don't really feel scared, but, I would sure hate for my son and grandkids to have to deal with this crap. I would hate to have to depend on the police in the town where he lives. This one ass is the reason Ogre got off on this bullcrap tantrum to start with because the jerk is such a big mouth, even after I stressed the danger...oh well, matters. Maybe the jerk will read this, and he will have time to read up on how to handle a 'situation'. Better yet, maybe he will go over to the house and ask, "Hey, is yer wife still gonna have you commited?"
I guess if you managed to read this, this far, I need to say thanks for hearing me out.
If he shoots me, will I die quick? J/K I would hate to have to shoot him, but, damn, this was not on my list of things to do this week!!
What would you do? Anyone else had any experience with anyone with these type of mental problems?
wow syntax, you're right, Calgon won't work for this.
My mother is bi-polar and all I can tell you is that until she seen for herself the damage she was doing not only to herself but others that cared, the meds, therapy etc did no good. this took close to 6 years. 6 years of attempted suicides, time in the hospital in mental wards, there even came a time I cut myself and my girls off completely from her because of the damage she was doing them.
Continue trying to get him commited, continue to try to better yourself so you can have the resources you need to stand on your own.
You are not dealing with an easy situation, you are in my prayers as well as hubby.
OMG, I feel for you!!!
So much of this sounds like my bipolar, alcoholic ex. Fortunately, we didn't have children together. I finally ended up having to make myself "disappear" to get away from his manipulations.
Create a paper trail with all of the necessary law enforcement, mental health, and family service agencies. While his suicidal/homicidal talk may just be so much bullshit, one never knows when the switch can flip. If you are lucky, you will be able to get him checked in to a place where he can get help, as well as be assured that he and you are safe from his psychotic episodes. If not, at least you will have documented the hell out of everything. I also suggest that in addition to repeatedly calling the authorities, you keep a journal of his behavior and communications with you, as well as every contact you make with authorities and their response. Document, document, document!!!! This paper trail will not keep you safe, but it will be helpful should you have to defend yourself and/or your children.
God bless you and keep you safe.
Okay. Calgon might not work, but a trip to the spa is definitely in order after this gets straightened out.
Understand feeling sorry for him, and yet, if you or your children are in danger, you gotta do what you can to protect your family. Great that you got out of the house, but I worry about you ever walking in that place again with the signs you've mentioned.
I can certainly identify with what you are going through. One of the ladies I work with has a husband that is suffering from PTSD and is a raging alcoholic. SHe has since put up with everything you can possibly be hit with and then some. She has finally had him committed for about the seventh time and has filed for divorce. She has taken her kids and gotten another place to live. She loves her husband as her children love their father, but enough is enough and they have all decided that this is the thing to do. He has become unpredictable and extremely violent.
Ultimately you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children. As a law enforcement officer of 16 years, I see this more than I care to and we can only do so much. We can give you as much protection as you require but realistically cannot be there 24/7.
Follow the advice of those who have offered it to you here on this forum, get your self some counseling as you are handling more than most people have to deal with in a lifetime. And for goodness sake, it you feel threatened in the least, get the hell out and don't come back. I know it's easy for me to say as I don't know what your financial siutation is, but you say you'd be happy living in your car. Ther are services available to you like battered women's shelters, domestic violence coordinators at you rlocal law enforcement offices and the like. Utilize them, make them work for you since they are funded by your tax dollars.
My heart goes out to you and I hope your situation improves to where it's at least liveable again
Thanks for your replies. Being in a situation like this makes a person lose track of who they are, and can make you become someone you do not want to be. I am sorry to hear, and yet find comfort in that someone actually knows what I have gone through, and will be going through until this is over. Till death do us part sounds pretty inviting right about now, but not from my end.
I feel crappy thinking that way, but damn, he is PSYCHO!!
I wish it were easier to find the resources to get this done.
Three days ago, he called me some hateful names, and this morning he tells me how kind and considerate I am. Not looking forward to the blow up.
Puts me in mind of Old Yeller, it was sad and yet.......