Tonight, in the spirit of bad things happening to good people, I present to you that sure-to-be-an-immortal-classic, "Matrix: Regurgitated".

Ladies and gentlemen, nothing I can say in this entry will ruin this film for you. Nothing could possibly ruin it any more than it already has been ruined. The scriptwriters ruined it. The people who shot the movie ruined it. The directors ruined it. The special effects people ruined it. And yes, even the lack of acting ruined it. So read on, even if you have not seen this movie.

For those of you who are considering seeing this movie, please allow me to say something first...

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU VALUE YOUR SENSE OF RIGHT AND WRONG, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!!

And now, I will review the movie.

Oh, where to start? First of all, I did not pay seven bucks to watch two skinny, unatractive white people get it on. Nor did I pay seven bucks to watch a massive orgy complete with close-ups of people sweating. This is what I ended up getting for my money, along with an intolerably bad script and cartoony special effects.

If I want to see a cartoon, I will go to a Disney film. And believe me, I like cartoon movies. But in a live-action film, I want to see people doing things. This is not supposed to be one of those campy cross-over films, like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? was, in the late 80's. This is supposed to be people doing things. The vast majority of the fight scenes looked like cartoons.

And while we're on the subject of horridly inappropriate costuming - which we weren't, but stay with me on this - why do they put Keanu in a jacket that makes him look like either a battling priest or a woman? I mean, seriously. It reminded me of the trenchcoat they had the actor wear in The Crow; City of Angels. The one that made him look like a girl from behind. Keanu's trench looked like it was fitted in the torso, so it was pretty tight up top. The bottom was just a big flaring skirt though. Why God, why?

To address the problem of acting: the characters were forced and trite. Keanu displays no emotion at all, as usual. So no big problem there. I was horribly disappointed in Morpheus though. In this one Fishbourne seemed like he had watched the first film and then tried to force that same sense of dark mystery. Failing miserably at that, he conveyed high levels of something indescribable, yet deeply irritating. What happened, Larry? Someone jam a crowbar up your ass? Might want to get that looked at before making any more films, what say?

Trinity. I didn't particularly like or hate her in the first film. In this one, I was rooting for her death. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it was just that the rest of the movie was so damn annoying I wanted to see all the characters bite the big one.

Link, the new operator. Okay, he was all right. Funny, even. I didn't have a problem with him.

Agent Smith...or should I say Smiths? There were too damn many of him in the movie. I hope they didn't have to pay the actor as many salaries as there were Smiths. Actually, maybe they should instate that policy in movie-making. That way, something like this won't happen again, and if it does the film won't be shot because they'll run out of money in the first week. I liked Smith in the first movie, but now he's free from the system and still looking to kill Neo. Neo somehow freed Agent Smith from the system in the first movie, and now he has no purpose. So he's looking to get another purpose, by taking Neo out. I found the fight sequence in the playground - between Neo and about a thousand Smiths - to be gimmicky and forced-looking. You know, the old "We've got five minutes to fill and nothing of substance to fill it with, so let's throw in a massively wasteful fight scene" technique.

Okay. Now I'll say one good thing about the film. Actually, I'll say two good things about it: Neil and Adrian Rayment. They played the uebercreepy pale spectral twin programs with the white clothing and silver dreds. I liked them very much, and hope to see them again in the third movie.

Yes, I'm going to see the third movie in theatres. Why? Because I'm a masochist, that's why.

Anyway, Matrix: Reloaded made me want to hurl, and it was two hours and ten minutes long. I was ready to demand my money back five minutes in, but figured I probably wouldn't get it, so I might as well see just how bad it could get. I won't go into the whole thing about the Architect and how Neo decided to say "fuck you" to the human race and let it be totally destroyed in order to save his woman from death. I mean, I don't want to reveal the surprise ending. What am I, a sadist?

Apparently so, for writing about this movie. But then again, if you've read this far, you must be enjoying the pain. All in all, I'd give this movie two enthusiastic thumbs up...that is, if you are a terrorist looking for a good way to torture passengers on a 757 with in-flight movie service. Just put this one on and play it over and over, and by the time you land everyone on the plane will be ready to die for your cause. Or any cause, for that matter. They'll do anything in order to not have to see that film again.

Sucked ass indeed!!!!!

WORST movie I've seen on a LONG time [pissed]

The whole thing was a fucking JOKE.

Now, what gun was the albino using on the car chase? [;)]

NsB

yup

On one of the last scens it certanly looks like an MP5, but in one of the earlier scenes, just when the chase starts, the magazine looked like a .223 one so if that's the case, he used several firearms.

Looked like a Sig rifle I think, but I'm not sure.

NsB

It was a HK UMP submachinegun in .45ACP. It is a newer version of the MP series and is much lighter due to its polymer construction.

I thought the film was very entertaining.

This movie is a turd. I don't know how else to explain it. After really liking the first one, I was hyped up when the sequeal came out. I was very disapointed. I now wonder what the next one will be like[:\]

I liked it, the new characters were great, especially Monica.

Some of the action was overlong and I wanted a little more philosophy.

Worst part was when Neo and the councillor were talking in the engineering section.  "Isn't like weird, that we need machines to survive, and yet, those machines out there are trying to kill us?"  "Yeah man, that's weird.  They, like, serve US, but in a way, we serve them.  It's like, so weird."  

It was the kind of philosophical conversation two stoned teenagers would have. Worst part of the movie for me. Maybe they were foreshadowing something, and that's why they included that very clunky and obvious dialogue.

wasn't that the same weapon used in the movie Heat ??

[peep]

taken on face value, action film with lots of unbeliveable sfx, I actually enjoyed it.

If you read deeper into it, well, you need to get out more, it's just a movie.

What is the Matrix fan version of a trekkie?

So you spent $7 bucks on a movie and it didn't change your life? HFS (holy fuckin shit)

you're out a sixer of good beer or a case of bud.
waaa

It was a good flick.  Very entertaining.  I think you're overreacting to the point of absurdity.  

I've never paid $7.00 in my life to see a movie. It only costs $4.50 to see a movie here. Must be a glitch in the matrix [:D]

I was really disappointed with it. Fortunately, I downloaded it instead of wasting $7.00-$8.00 at the theater. [:D]

The special effects were impressive without a doubt, and I think that might have been part of the problem. My impression was that the producers were so obsessed with the F/X, that they gave little thought or imagination to the plot.

The other thing that ruined it was the ending. From what I've read, the "Matrix" was originally supposed to be a trilogy. It's not. Instead of creating 3 separate but interconnected stories, they made two; "Matrix: Reloaded is just a 4 hour sequel that will be shown in two parts.

Think of the break between the 2nd and 3rd movie as one long intermission.

damn Kar! good movie review!  you should try out to be a critic!

unfortunately, here in wonderful dayton OH, a MATINEE is $6 and an evening show is $8.50!
They got that cool stadium seating and all....

I saw a matinee (Sp) for $4.50. I thought it sucked, I fell alseep during the talk with the oracle, but i had just finished a bud light. Didn't understand the Christina Aguillera video in it and why does everyone in Zion dress like a turd when they have giant transformer security guards and spaceships. Make some clothes or some body armor. I thought there was to many punches and not enough guns as compared to the first. Where were the Spas-12s, the mini-guns, the trunk of goodies by the pimp, and the weapons rooms? I can't imagine reloaded being any better, nevertheless I will pony up the money to see it.

No shit.

Here in shitty Ashtabula a matinee is $4.50 and a night show is $6.00

Great review.

I would not have seen it but for the fact that my nephews wife's cousin is the afternoon manager at the theater and gave us free tickets.

It's the first movie I've been to in over a year and I think I'll wait for over a year to go see my next one.

ED

I agree!

So many people loved the first matrix because it was a movie that has many qualities neved been done in a movie..Like thing things that make you say "HOLY SHIT ThAT WAS BAD ASS".Most people that didnt like the Matrix 2 is because they didnt like the special effects,but of course you can slighly tell its not real but come on have some imagination.IMHO i think the fight scenes were bad ass and him able to fly aound and kick some ass was truelly amazing.And that the fact some people didnt even understand the story line and juss like to point out things and say "No thats dumb" you gotta understand every aspect of the movie.Thus watch the movie,have some imagination and not always point out the flaws.

Matrix 1 and Matrix 2 are very good movies IMO Great Story,Good Acting ,bad ass fight scenes and the guns are always bad ass,And the special effects are 1 of a kind.I am anxious to watch Matrix:Revolutions in november!! Probably one of the best trilogys in a while.But we will still have to wait and see

no, he was wearing MARPAT

I went in expecting to be dissapointed and instead enjoyed the film.

I cant agree on Kar98 review being any good. NEO choose to save trinity because the other door only lead to what amounted to a system restore for the machines (the 6th one). How can you save them when there still jacked into the matrix?

The war between man and machine can not be a total victory. They can only find a way to peacefully co-exist. This is what Counselor Hammond's point was in the engineering level. The whole reason the machines rebelled against man was because man treated them the same way the machines are treating them now (see the Animatrix). Both treat other as second-class citizens. The Machines were only just "tools" until they acheived their own self-awarness or individual identity. The machines that were "self-aware" formed their own nation after being expelled from Human cities and prohibited from direct services to humans. The independent "machine nation"-Zone1 or something became a financial success and ran its human competitors out of buisness. (cheap workforce that works tirelessly). The Human economy faced a coming collapse and elected to destroy all of the machines once and for all (North Vs South haha). The machines won.

Not little nudity.

Not enough sex.

Too much Smith.

Too much talk.

Paid $5.50 Matinee.

Not enough guns.

Did NOT see any guns that were also used in Heat.

Hmmm, never thought of it that way.  But the whole scene practically screamed [size=6][b]FORESHADOWING!![/b][/size=6] to me, so you might be right.  I didn't know machines had feelings too.  I'll never treat my dishwasher the same way again.

So you're saying your undecided?



[:D]

It reminded me of an end of season TV show cliffhanger than a feature film.

When the bad guys in the mountain house started shooting at Neo, that explains how they ruled out alot of gunplay in the film.  When you can stop bullets, it's no use to be shot at!

What would have been cool is during the smith fight if all the smiths pulled out their deagles and shot at neo then he dodges all the bullets and then as the bullets exit the circle all the smiths dodge them and I guess any poor bastards outside of the circle get hosed.

Matrix 2 just became too damn confusing.  It technically is not really a trilogy.

I don't think I should have to play the video game and watch Animatrix and wait for the next movie just to understand the movie I'm watching now.

[ROFL2]

Now THAT would have been great.

I thought the movie was great. Some of you have no imagination... that was pure fun. And I'm in the habit of nitpicking, cause I work with this type of stuff on a daily basis (Television/editing/etc).

It was stupid. 'Nuff said.

Great movie?  Who knows?

I enjoyed it though.

DrMark

Correction: Neo's alternate choice would have been the 7th system restore for the Matrix simulation program.


Regarding Keanu Reeves as an actor. He is'nt much of one, but he plays the role of NEO really well. Why? I think that NEO is'nt exactly human like the others of Zion.-other then his abilities in the Matrix of course. Keanu's acting is plain almost emotionless...like a [i]machine[/i] except for the love seen during the Rave (which i liked, but i like Rave anyway).

The Animatrix DVD is very sweet. Some consider it to be more entertaining then Reloaded. I was at a Circut City last week and some little kid got all excited about getting it until he realized it was "just a cartoon". I had to laugh. Im almost 30 years young and i would rather buy the "cartoon" then Reloaded. Some of the best Animation i've ever seen. In some ways it reminded me of Heavy Metal, but a hell of alot more cohesive and of higher quality overall.

You guys are smoking crack, I really loved this movie.  The rave scene was one of the lamest things I've ever seen in a movie but that is easily overlooked, at least by me.  Alot of the little details will really tie in more with the next movie too IMO, making this one better than it is when everything makes sense....  

Nuff said.

I thought it was 'okay', But definately not as good as the original. Most of it wasn't as HOLY SHIT!!! cool as the first one. I was dissappointed in the "To be concluded" ending. In some parts it seemed like it had a different director. I thought that the sex and the big party were stupid and the time should have been spend developing the story better. It sucked how they didn't show the huge battle for Zion. It was "Oh, by the way, human civilization has been completely destroyed". I would think that a program that would help the humans (the Key Maker) would never be allowed to exist. The special effect on the freeway sequence were pretty cool though.

I saw it for $3.50 non-matinay (spelled phonically)  

it was ok
but the agent smith neo fight was ridiculous. I literally started laughing. it was ok with 20 smiths, but once it got to 100 it was just absurd

Ditto.

ARH