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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 3/15/2002 4:16:22 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/15/2002 4:17:07 AM EDT by a3kid]
Who has experienced this, and what's it like? Is it when a person really wonders what they're doing with their life? When you wonder if you might be better starting things all over, somewhere else, in a completely different way? When the constant struggles of providing for the needs of a family reaches the point that you're not sure you want to do it anymore? I've been having a tough time for a while here, guys. I'm not going to make any rash decisions, but I can tell you, I've been thinking....[?] edited to add, I know I'll get flamed for this one...
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:30:10 AM EDT
I hope you don't get flamed. I feel as if I'm hung in my mid-life crisis right now, but that's about as far as I wish to publicly admit. My best advice. Try to cancel any negative thoughts and replace them with positives. Jim
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:39:21 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Sundrop: My best advice. Try to cancel any negative thoughts and replace them with positives. Jim
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Good advice.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:45:40 AM EDT
dude get a b-job
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:48:24 AM EDT
a3kid- get some help- talk to somebody such as clergy or psychologist ASAP. We all have these feelings to some degree, but you are the one who must work through your crisis, and you sound like you need help. It is perfectly normal to feel this way. I wish you the best of luck, and inner peace. Anything else I could say would verge on platitudes, other than: talk to somebody, whom you trust, about it all.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:54:44 AM EDT
Sorry that did not come out right. What I meant to say was take a vacation. It can be just a couple hours but get away and simplify. Do something like go to a park by yourself and sit down under a tree and watch all us other fools run around like chickens with our heads cut off chasing the almighty dollar. It helps if you have a little too much to drink. Watch some kids play on a swing or visit a place you went to as a kid. Just relax, when this is over you can call yourself an old fart!
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:55:26 AM EDT
"Who has experienced this, and what's it like?" i have expirienced it...repeatedly! heheheh! divorce...it will rock your world! career changes...no big deal. health crisis...the worst you can face. i'm too shallow to give a damn what i'm "doing" with my life, anymore. i concern myself more with what life is doing "to" me. at least i found a philosophy that works! my advice? go buy a red vette or harley and party your ass off. find a 25 year old bimbette and take her to aruba. soon enough, the answers you seek will present themselves to you in their own good time. campy, the been there, done that, got the t-shirt bob
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 4:59:29 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Sundrop: I hope you don't get flamed.
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I'm really not too worried about getting flamed. Haven't decided yet if what I need is: 1.) A word of encouragement. 2.) A kick in the a$$. 3.) A divorce & a new life. Thanks for the concern, but the worst hell I could go through here is a lot better than.....
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:07:58 AM EDT
Don't do #3
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:15:56 AM EDT
buy a sports car, take your lady for a spin in the car, and avoid the bimbos. if you have enough material security, think about how you really want to spend the rest of your life, then do it. life is short. enjoy the time you have! and make sure your health insurance is paid up. youre gonna need it.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:19:50 AM EDT
Been there, done (am doing) that. My 1 year old daughter helps keep me from doing something...intemperate. It is man's destiny to work and to die. Remember when you were 18 and the world was nothing but potential? Now, it seems nothing but regrets and missed opportunities. Keep moving forward is all I can tell you. No matter what else happens, you can't really start over. Years are gone and can't be reclaimed. Memories you don't want will be there along with the ones you do. You'll still be you. Enjoy your daughter. Go shooting. Cultivate a certain level of emotional distance from everything else. it worked for generations of men before us.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:24:25 AM EDT
Yeah, a3kid, I know just how you feel, 'cause I've been there and I know that I can be drawn back at any time. It [u]is[/u] difficult to remain focused when it feels as if you're getting nowhere fast. And I'd love to think it was a 'mid-life' crisis, 'cause that would mean I'm going to live to be 98 at least. I have always found, however, that anytime that I reach the point where I say 'Lord, I can't take this anymore' I suddenly recall to Whom it is that I'm speaking. And I simply recall the words of the Author of the Letter to the Hebrews, in Chapter 12: 1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, [u]let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us[/u], 2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; [u]who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God[/u]. 3 For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. If Jesus can handle what He went through, His example will always be there to assist us in handling whatever we might be going through. Eric The([red][b]'ItIsSufficient'[/b][/red])Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:35:35 AM EDT
And don't just think that you have to wait for some revelation from Heaven for help, either! You have Brothers and Sisters here right now, who are more than happy to help you in any way possible! It's what we do for a [u]living[/u]. E-mail me at ericthehun@aol.com and I'll give you my special... [size=4]'Middle of the Night, Anytime, Any Hour, Any Day, Hun Hot Line Cell Phone Number'[/size=4] I would have sent you an IM, but, drats, I keep getting the dreaded 'Sorry the User's Mailbox if full..' which, I understand, is not always the case. Eric The(AlwaysHelpful,AlwaysFaithful)Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:46:16 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/15/2002 7:13:43 AM EDT by EdAvilaSr]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 6:14:22 AM EDT
WWJD?
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 6:38:40 AM EDT
When I was 25, and married for aobut a year, I told my wife that I was going to have a mid-life crisis at about 45. I advised her to plan for it, and that I hadn't decided on a Harley or a 60's muscle car, but it was going to be one of them.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 7:14:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/15/2002 7:14:46 AM EDT by Airhead]
Originally Posted By a3kid: When the constant struggles of providing for the needs of a family reaches the point that you're not sure you want to do it anymore?
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We all go through this.
Haven't decided yet if what I need is: 1.) A word of encouragement. 2.) A kick in the a$$. 3.) A divorce & a new life.
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It's your job to provide for your family, you are the head of the household. Don't take this the wrong way...but if you are having second thoughts about whether or not you and your spouse are going to make it to the finish line (what or where that may lead), that's one thing. But if you stop providing for them (kids mainly) divorced or not....you deserve #2 multiplied by 10. There are enough people out there that suffer because of a parent that abandoned them, don't create a statistic. Again, nothing personal[;)]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 7:24:55 AM EDT
is a mid-life crisis a male thing? no flame intended, but i can't imagine that [i]providing for the needs of a family reaches the point that you're not sure you want to do it anymore [/i] is something very many women have trouble with. anyhow, that doesn't help you, a3kid. i'd like to reiterate the "think positive" adivce. it is true that you are what you think. my high school years are a prime example of this. i won't go into detail as that isn't really the point. but suffice it to say that after i turned my head back on the right way and started redirecting my thoughts towards positive and constructive things, my whole life changed. of course, i needed some help in making that change. in my case it was a professional. but i probably could have done it with a great friend. you have a ton of people here who care about you. and we're free. [:D]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 7:26:21 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/15/2002 7:29:23 AM EDT by a3kid]
Originally Posted By Airhead: But if you stop providing for them (kids mainly) divorced or not....you deserve #2 multiplied by 10. There are enough people out there that suffer because of a parent that abandoned them, don't create a statistic.
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About 90% of the struggles I've got come from providing for two of those statistics for the last 10 years. Their father is behind in support for a combined total of [b]32[/b] years. I'll put it very "gentlemanly like" for you. They are [b]quite[/b] troublesome. [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 7:41:43 AM EDT
Post from a3kid -
About 90% of the struggles I've got come from providing for two of those statistics for the last 10 years.
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Been there, done that. The current Miz Hun (MizHunII) had two from here first marriage, when we got married. Her daughter had very [u]serious[/u] health problems. Her ex never paid a red cent for either child. He remarried and had two more kids. We couldn't have any more children since he insisted that Miz Hun get, uh, well you know, after the birth of their last one. Well, when my step-son and his lovely wife had their first child, a son, I was the one and only Granddaddy at the hospital. I'm the [u]one[/u] and [u]only[/u] Granddaddy that the little fellow will ever know. And that alone is sufficient repayment for all the trials and tribulations that I ever went through getting them raised! And it is, IMHO, sufficient retribution for his 'real' grandfather, for his neglect of his own family. I [u]now[/u] have three grandchildren, only one of whom is related to me by blood, but all of them loved by, and in love with, their [b]Granddaddy![/b] Eric The(Granddaddy)Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 7:53:38 AM EDT
Originally Posted By a3kid:
Originally Posted By Airhead: But if you stop providing for them (kids mainly) divorced or not....you deserve #2 multiplied by 10. There are enough people out there that suffer because of a parent that abandoned them, don't create a statistic.
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About 90% of the struggles I've got come from providing for two of those statistics for the last 10 years. Their father is behind in support for a combined total of [b]32[/b] years. I'll put it very "gentlemanly like" for you. They are [b]quite[/b] troublesome. [rolleyes]
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trouble as in behavioral or trouble as in you don't want to provide for them anymore because they aren't yours? the first i could understand. but when you married this woman, you took her kids too. if you're mad at bio dad for being a pig, that's understandable. but don't take out your frustrations and anger with him on the children. it's not their fault their dad is an arse.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 8:13:18 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady: trouble as in behavioral or trouble as in you don't want to provide for them anymore because they aren't yours?
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Definately behavior. The short list goes like this: property damage, theft (even of some pain medication the night before I had surgery three weeks ago. Nice, huh?) choice of language used, suspensions from school, alternative schools, etc. you finish the picture.
the first i could understand.
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Good!
but when you married this woman, you took her kids too.
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You are making the assumption that when my wife and I disagreed years ago about what was acceptable behavior and what wasn't on the part of the children, I won. It doesn't do any good for dad to put his foot down if mom changes the rules as soon as he leaves the house.
if you're mad at bio dad for being a pig, that's understandable.
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Actually, I came to grips with that a long time ago. Really, when it come to this, that is a non-issue. I only added that because of Airhead's comments.
but don't take out your frustrations and anger with him on the children. it's not their fault their dad is an arse.
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I'm not. That would be wrong. My issue is with the way their behaving is affecting my own 8 year old daughter. Removing her from the entire situation is a tempting idea...
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 8:35:52 AM EDT
okay, good. i didn't think you were thinking that, but just waned to clarify before i called [i]you[/i] a scumbag. [:D] j/k i can see the tempation to relocate for 8 y/o's sake. wish i could offer some suggestions. some people are just ignorant about disciplining their children. hang in there. it's entirely possible that your influence is having an effect. they might straighten out as they grow older (can you wait that long? [;)]). otherwise, perhaps some "tough love" is in order. can you prosecute them for their crimes? wife may hate you for it, but that might release you from the situation if she hates you enough.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 8:50:46 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady: okay, good. i didn't think you were thinking that, but just waned to clarify before i called [i]you[/i] a scumbag. [:D] j/k
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On a scumbag tear today, eh?
i can see the tempation to relocate for 8 y/o's sake.
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There may be some benefit for [b]my[/b] sanity, too!
wish i could offer some suggestions. some people are just ignorant about disciplining their children.
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The stories I could tell you...
hang in there. it's entirely possible that your influence is having an effect.
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Actually, it has. The wife remembers the arguments we had, and has vowed not to repeat the same mistakes with her. The younger one lives in a much stricter environment, which is also the part of the problem. She feels that she is being treated unfairly. I don't know how an 8yo could look at it any differently.
they might straighten out as they grow older (can you wait that long? [;)]). otherwise, perhaps some "tough love" is in order. can you prosecute them for their crimes? wife may hate you for it, but that might release you from the situation if she hates you enough.
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Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:13:18 AM EDT
Originally Posted By a3kid:
Originally Posted By Airhead: But if you stop providing for them (kids mainly) divorced or not....you deserve #2 multiplied by 10. There are enough people out there that suffer because of a parent that abandoned them, don't create a statistic.
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About 90% of the struggles I've got come from providing for two of those statistics for the last 10 years. Their father is behind in support for a combined total of [b]32[/b] years. I'll put it very "gentlemanly like" for you. They are [b]quite[/b] troublesome. [rolleyes]
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A3kid, if they aren't yours and you are not their legal guardian that makes the tables turn completely. That is a totally different situation my friend, and would make my previous comments null and void[:D]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:17:44 AM EDT
Airhead, They're my step-children, but I [b]am[/b] the legal guardian. (I haven't "read up" on it but I think so. If it means that you're the guy the police call to go pick up the kid at the station, then yep - I'm a legal guardian all right.... [:D]
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:22:48 AM EDT
Don't know if you have a dog but when I"m down nothing brings me back faster than coming home and seeing how glad my dog is to see me. Their love is unconditional and they love you for who you are.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:28:42 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ECS: Don't know if you have a dog but when I"m down nothing brings me back faster than coming home and seeing how glad my dog is to see me. Their love is unconditional and they love you for who you are.
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I do but she ain't much of a cuddler yet. Seven month old border collies are more into disassembling things than snuggling... She's fun though!
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:32:27 AM EDT
Hey, she is seven? Shilo is 5 months old now. We should get them together for a little lovin' action...see if we can get us some border/aussie puppies!
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:39:37 AM EDT
Originally Posted By satcong: Hey, she is seven? Shilo is 5 months old now. We should get them together for a little lovin' action...see if we can get us some border/aussie puppies!
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Seven months old the 22nd. The border/aussie mix might be worth thinking about, especially if you wanted an aussie with the "hell on wheels" demeanor...she's a terror. Love her to death, though.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:47:15 AM EDT
Read the good book a3kid. It always works for me. The healing power of the lord is unstoppable. The good thing about the bible is that no matter what the question is that book always has the answer to them all. Even the ones that you didn't know you had. Benjamin
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:58:53 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Benjamin0001: Read the good book a3kid. It always works for me. The healing power of the lord is unstoppable. The good thing about the bible is that no matter what the question is that book always has the answer to them all. Even the ones that you didn't know you had. Benjamin
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You know, you're right. Sometimes my posts here indicate that I haven't been doing that like I should, don't they?
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 10:00:17 AM EDT
a3kid, I've been having a midlife crisis for the last 10 years or so, really a lot more so since I got laid off last Dec. A man has to surrender himself in the service of others to find happiness, something I have not completely done. I have Kipling's "If" on my computer desk. I try to remember what Bogart said in "Casablanca". Hang in there, pal. Feel free to email me.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 10:04:27 AM EDT
I've been locked in a mid-life crisis for the past five years and I'm only 32! It all started when I sold off one of my companies, and started thinking that I was Bruce Dern. Now, I've got a woman that loves me, the world's fastest car and a tub that shoots hot water up my ass. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 10:18:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/15/2002 10:20:01 AM EDT by Golgo-13]
Ohboy, A3, do I ever feel for you. Substitute a 7 year old ADD boy for your two stepdaughters and you have my situation. I'd be more inclined to believe the boy is demonically possessed than attention deficit disorder if I were not an agnostic. Also, as you say, the rules change the minute I am gone. To that, I can add that the wife is unable to control her spending habits and the boy's bio-dad is a transvestite pot-head. My daughter, I repeat, keeps me from doing something...intemperate. You get the feeling your only purpose in life is to provide your paycheck? You get the feeling that your wants and needs are dead last on the priority list? You get the feeling that you are going to choke on this huge ball of barely suppressed rage? You find yourself attracted to any woman who shows you the tiniest crumb of understanding or kindness? I know how you feel. Keep soldiering on. We can always try to outlive the bitches and the hellspawn of their loins.
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 10:21:45 AM EDT
Excellent description of the situation, '-13!
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 5:03:42 PM EDT
I have to say I have felt that way at times, but most of all 5 years ago when Mrs Nailbender was on Phen-Phen and it screwed her up in the head big time. Life really sucked for about 8 months wondering if I was gonna be out the door for the littlest stuff. Anyway not to bore with my stuff. A friend told me a thing when I was in the thick of it all. IF all the people in the world threw all of their problems in a giant hole, including your problems and you had the choice to take any of their problems instead of your own, that you would probalby be thankful for just the problems you have and take yours back. Count your blessings, one by one! Talk to someone as has been said. If you beleive in God he is just a prayer away. If that is not your thing I would encourage you give it serious consideration. If I did not have my faith I know beyond all doubt that I would be divorced, dead or both
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:38:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady:
Originally Posted By a3kid:
Originally Posted By Airhead: But if you stop providing for them (kids mainly) divorced or not....you deserve #2 multiplied by 10. There are enough people out there that suffer because of a parent that abandoned them, don't create a statistic.
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About 90% of the struggles I've got come from providing for two of those statistics for the last 10 years. Their father is behind in support for a combined total of [b]32[/b] years. I'll put it very "gentlemanly like" for you. They are [b]quite[/b] troublesome. [rolleyes]
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trouble as in behavioral or trouble as in you don't want to provide for them anymore because they aren't yours? the first i could understand. but when you married this woman, you took her kids too. if you're mad at bio dad for being a pig, that's understandable. but don't take out your frustrations and anger with him on the children. it's not their fault their dad is an arse.
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Yup, shes right there on the mark on this! I used to tell my oldest stepdaughter when she said "I wonder what my daddy is doing now" to go call him. . She would say "it's long distance". I'd say go ahead.( it was my way of tellin the skum bag that he still had kids). She was a royal pain in the arse too in school. But they are grown up now and after their mother decided she didn't want to be financed any more, oops make that married anymore. Guess who keeps up with the ole fart...yup you got it. It's worth the grief!
Link Posted: 3/15/2002 9:58:32 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 12:09:34 AM EDT
I'm in a different position - I've never really grown up! At 41, I've never been married (engaged three times though), no kids, no responsibilities beyond myself and my career. Either I've been in a mid-life crisis all along, or I prolly will never have one. When I was about 30, I had a very high stress job situation, and it was affecting my health. I always fealt like crap, it was hard to have fun, and I started getting grey hairs. Once I changed that situation and swore off stress for life (you make a little less money, but so what!), the grey disappeared, I'm happy, I sleep well, and I'm most always cheary. I'm still dating, looking for Ms. perfect, but also enjoying the thrill of the chase. It's nice to be able to do things on the fly, without worrying about how it affects the home front. There are downfalls, the worst being occasional loneliness, but as ECS mentioned, a good dog can help with that. I'm very lucky in that my family is in the area, and also that I still live in the area where I grew up (makes getting dates a LOT easier). When/if I meet her, I'd definately consider marriage. Hell, I've been most of the way down that road before. Luckily, the ugly side came out prior to everything becoming legal! My current girl friend is probably not a candidate for the full commitment, but in the mean time, I have an occasional dose of both the good and the bad. I'll probably end up getting married in my 70's on a cruise ship somewhere....
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 12:48:07 AM EDT
a3kid - 2 problem kids? 32yrs behind in child support? Doesn't take long to do the math. One of the most understandable things my father ever did was kick me out of the house when I was 18. I was smoking dope and he nicely told me that if I didn't quit, I was out. He paid the bills - I was an adult - didn't follow the rules - that's that. He did the right thing. Now, don't think that I'm lessening the sanctity of marriage, but raising kids is hard enough - raising kids when your fighting against your spouse while trying to do it would be hell. Why live in hell? "Stiff upper lip" doesn't always fix everything. If the wife and the teenagers are **TRULY** (think about it) ruining your life every day, then make a change. If your wife would contest custody of the 8 yr old, get a good lawyer first. Plenty of Internet resources for that kind of thing. don't mess around on your wife - then you'd lose the moral high ground. I'm not saying "leave the bitch" - none of us know your exact situation - but it's just like CCW - you don't have to choose to be a victim. Pray and be thankful for what you have - even if your life "sucks", you're better off than 90% of the world's population (probably). enough of my babble... Tate
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 3:37:16 AM EDT
Mid-life crisis? I highly recommend an aluminum headed nitrous injected big block. Its all good.
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 8:34:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2002 8:41:58 AM EDT by BillofRights]
Originally Posted By ARlady: is a mid-life crisis a male thing? no flame intended, but i can't imagine that [i]providing for the needs of a family reaches the point that you're not sure you want to do it anymore [/i] is something very many women have trouble with. [:D]
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Sorry ARlady, I gotta call bullshit on that statement. In my circle of friends and family, it was the woman who quit the family in about 9 of 10 times. I wish you were right though.
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 9:24:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ARlady: is a mid-life crisis a male thing?
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Yes. According to women, EVERY point in their life is some sort of crisis.
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 9:54:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Belloc:
Originally Posted By ARlady: is a mid-life crisis a male thing?
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Yes. According to women, EVERY point in their life is some sort of crisis.
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Quite the lady's man, eh?
Link Posted: 3/16/2002 10:17:00 AM EDT
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