Probably a dupe, but here goes:

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

I'm guessing you're not a feminist.  

Funny stuff.

"why do husbands die before their wives?"

"they want to"


That one kills me!!!!!

Persephone is pretty cool!

Perhaps kind of unrelated, but it reminded me of this.  I saw this a long time ago.  It's from memory and I forgot about 8 of them.

TYPES OF MEN YOU MEET IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS:

Drunk:  Looks at the urinal on the left, aims for the one in the middle, pees on shoes.

Playful:  Sees bug in water, tries to hit it, splashes on shoes.

Concieted:  Holds two inch dick like baseball bat.

Fat:  Stands way back, aims high, pees all over floor and wall.

Absent-minded:  Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.

Sociable:  Joins friends in a piss.

Curious:  Looks at the guy next door to see how he's fixed.

Shy:  Sneaks in, pretends to pee, comes back later when no one is around.

Efficient:  Waits until he has to crap, then does both at the same time.

Childish:  Aims for the center of the urinal, likes to see bubbles.

Indifferent:  All urinals are being used, pisses in sink

You are easily one of the coolest women around for posting that.

Quoted: You are easily one of the coolest women around for posting that.

+1

I'm waiting for my beer.

Wy wife didn't laugh when i read them to her.

Quoted: Quoted: Persephone is pretty cool! And pretty pretty.  Have you seen her pic?

Nope. But like all others here I have never met, their avatar becomes them in my mind. LOL. Anyone else do this too?

Quoted: Quoted: Persephone is pretty cool! And pretty pretty.  Have you seen her pic?

Heck yah! She looks just like Monica Bellucci!  

Yea, those were all good ya'll. take care. Coondog

P I C S !

Quoted: I'm waiting for my beer.

Ask and ye shall receive:



I always open my hubby's beer before I give it to him....

However, I usually drink half of it before it gets to him  

Quoted: Quoted: Persephone is pretty cool! And pretty pretty.  Have you seen her pic?

Oh yeah!  I'd hit it!  (Sorry Persephone!)

You rock! last time I told those jokes I some girl smacked me (hmm maybe it wasn't smart to tell those jokes when there where no other guys and 10+ females around )

And here's more:

The 3 rings of Marriage

Engagement Ring

Wedding Ring

Suffering

.

Quoted: Perhaps kind of unrelated, but it reminded me of this.  I saw this a long time ago.  It's from memory and I forgot about 8 of them. TYPES OF MEN YOU MEET IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS: Drunk:  Looks at the urinal on the left, aims for the one in the middle, pees on shoes. Playful:  Sees bug in water, tries to hit it, splashes on shoes. Concieted:  Holds two inch dick like baseball bat. Fat:  Stands way back, aims high, pees all over floor and wall. Absent-minded:  Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants. Sociable:  Joins friends in a piss. Curious:  Looks at the guy next door to see how he's fixed. Shy:  Sneaks in, pretends to pee, comes back later when no one is around. Efficient:  Waits until he has to crap, then does both at the same time. Childish:  Aims for the center of the urinal, likes to see bubbles. Indifferent:  All urinals are being used, pisses in sink

Tough: Finishes, bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.

I'll have to pass those on to my wife.  Like maybe over an e-mail or something.   Not in person.  That could be dangerous to my health.


Woody