[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Man / Woman (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 6/28/2010 6:57:46 PM EDT
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Man: I'd like a large coffee please.
Kid: Would you like cream or sugar with that? Man: No thanks. Kid: That will be 79 cents. Woman: (after standing in line for 25 minutes) I like to get a Venti Mocha Latte double-expresso half-caff Poke-a-ninny. Barrista: Would you like calf-cream. It's from Guatemala. Woman: Um..okay. By the way, I love your nose ring. Barrista: Thanks. My boyfriend bought it for me when I graduated from my hemp weaving class. Woman: That's so cool. Barrista: Did you want your cream frothed or whipped? Woman: Let's try it whipped. Barrista: poured in or spooned? Woman: Spooned please. Barrista: Would you like to try some Angel Wings with it. Woman: Sure. Can I also get a spoonful of Bunny Smiles? Barrista: Absolutely. Regular or Decaf Bunnies? Woman: Decaf. Barrista: Anything else today? Woman: I don't think so. Barrista: Would you like to donate a dollar to save the rain forest. Woman: Of course. Barrista: Great. What's your name? Woman: Trina. Barrista: (Writes name on cup and hands the cup to a co-worker) Barrista2: (plays with various appliances and devices - all of which sounds like someone bringing up phlegm from the deepest recesses of their lungs) Woman: (Moves to the side and waits another 10 minutes) Barrista2: (Hands cup of Venti, double-mocha, etc to Woman) That will be $6.73. Woman: (Hands over money) Oh, these are the new "Save the Manatee" cups! |
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I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either.  You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. 
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Quoted: Quoted: I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. And it's like $3.50 for a mediocre-quality plain black coffee. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. And it's like $3.50 for a mediocre-quality plain black coffee. $2 even for 16oz coffee here. |
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Why you hatin' on my vente caramel macchiato with an extra shot? I'm not. I'm sure that it looks great with your purse. It's not a purse. It's a messenger bag. And it goes fantastically with my triple grande non-fat no-whip mocha at 135°. It sounds fabulous. |
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I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. No, no, I know damn well what it is, but I refuse to be caught dead being seen in a place like that. Mind you I am not a redneck or something I just don't like coffee and I don't have to fake class.
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I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. 
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I did Starbucks a few times
Then I realized I could get basically the same thing for 1/4 the price when I got my gas Now Only when cold and my wife can get her some thing or other BTW We live in Texas and its not cold that often And I have instant at the house 
And mines a MAXPEDITION bag In green or desert |
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Quoted: Quoted: I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. I make up for my morning pretension by drinking PBR in the afternoon.  |
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Quoted: I did Starbucks a few times Then I realized I could get basically the same thing for 1/4 the price when I got my gas Now Only when cold and my wife can get her some thing or other BTW We live in Texas and its not cold that often And I have instant at the house  |
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One thing you gotta hand it to Starbucks for making it possible to get a good cup of coffee practically anywhere.
Even the crappiest gas station has a coffee "service" now, instead of the lukewarm Mr. Coffee crap they had a short time ago. 711 always had "decent" coffee, but now it's even better than decent. Personally, I wouldn't spend dime one on Starbuck's overpriced, burnt European crap they call coffee  With all that garbage they put in it, that ain't coffee, thats dessert.
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bottom right, is that a flaming moe? |
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Things I, as a woman, do not have to apologize for:
- Enjoying Twilight. It makes my boobs happy. Deal with it. - Drinking my fancy Caramel Machiatos-hoody-poos. I like them. They are delicious. Daddy raised me to drink coffee black, but the city has spoiled me. - Outshooting the guys. Any questions? 
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Things I, as a woman, do not have to apologize for: - Enjoying Twilight. It makes my boobs happy. Deal with it. - Drinking my fancy Caramel Machiatos-hoody-poos. I like them. They are delicious. Daddy raised me to drink coffee black, but the city has spoiled me. - Outshooting the guys. Any questions? Actually, yes. How does twilight make your boobs happy?
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I, for one, have nothing AT ALL against boobs being happy.
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Things I, as a woman, do not have to apologize for: - Enjoying Twilight. It makes my boobs happy. Deal with it. - Drinking my fancy Caramel Machiatos-hoody-poos. I like them. They are delicious. Daddy raised me to drink coffee black, but the city has spoiled me. - Outshooting the guys. Any questions? Actually, yes. How does twilight make your boobs happy? |
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Things I, as a woman, do not have to apologize for: - Enjoying Twilight. It makes my boobs happy. Deal with it. - Drinking my fancy Caramel Machiatos-hoody-poos. I like them. They are delicious. Daddy raised me to drink coffee black, but the city has spoiled me. - Outshooting the guys. Any questions? And we are all happy when the boobs are happy.
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Like what?
What I want to know is why, when I order a large coffee black, the server manages to screw it up. I like the stupidly named drinks, but I feel like an idiot ordering them. Can't they just come up with short, normal names? In English. Like what names would be better? For starters, the sizes are small, medium, large, and extra large. Something like a dunkaccino, I don't know what I'd suggest instead, but surely they can call it something better than that. A lot of the other names are descriptive, but they have about ten different descriptive words attached to them. Might just be easier to do those by number. Of course simplifying names will only work with normal people. You'll still get the nuts asking for things like one and 2/3 packages of Splenda and two teaspoons of slightly cooler than room temperature skim milk. |
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I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. And it's like $3.50 for a mediocre-quality plain black coffee. I wouldn't call it mediocre....consistently too bitter with no redeeming qualities whatsoever is a more apt description. |
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I did Starbucks a few times Then I realized I could get basically the same thing for 1/4 the price when I got my gas Now Only when cold and my wife can get her some thing or other BTW We live in Texas and its not cold that often And I have instant at the house
Actually, that Starbucks instant Via is pretty good shit. 
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Things I, as a woman, do not have to apologize for: - Enjoying Twilight. It makes my boobs happy. Deal with it. - Drinking my fancy Caramel Machiatos-hoody-poos. I like them. They are delicious. Daddy raised me to drink coffee black, but the city has spoiled me. - Outshooting the guys. Any questions? Ok, that explains it. The wife is a big fan of Twilight. 
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Yep! That pretty much sums it up
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I did Starbucks a few times Then I realized I could get basically the same thing for 1/4 the price when I got my gas Now Only when cold and my wife can get her some thing or other BTW We live in Texas and its not cold that often And I have instant at the house Actually, that Starbucks instant Via is pretty good shit. I agree. That's not typical instant, though. Via is fine-ground coffee beans (finer than Turkish grind, I believe), whereas typical instant is dehydrated brewed coffee. |
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I did Starbucks a few times Then I realized I could get basically the same thing for 1/4 the price when I got my gas Now Only when cold and my wife can get her some thing or other BTW We live in Texas and its not cold that often And I have instant at the house
Actually, that Starbucks instant Via is pretty good shit.
I agree. That's not typical instant, though. Via is fine-ground coffee beans (finer than Turkish grind, I believe), whereas typical instant is dehydrated brewed coffee. The daughter brought me a couple packages of it a while back. For camping it made me throw rocks at the Folgers coffee-bags I've been using for years. |
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Danny: Can I get a large black coffee? Barista: A what? Danny: Large black coffee. Barista: Do you mean a venti? Danny: No, I mean a large. Barista: Venti is large. Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages. Barista: A venti is a large coffee. Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now? |
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Quoted: Danny: Can I get a large black coffee? Barista: A what? Danny: Large black coffee. Barista: Do you mean a venti? Danny: No, I mean a large. Barista: Venti is large. Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages. Barista: A venti is a large coffee. Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now? I think you'd have a hard time finding a Starbucks where you hear that. Also, Tall is not their smallest size. They have a Short size that they don't put on their menu. And I didn't think Role Models was funny, probably because I don't have a sense of humor.
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I like Starbucks every so often. Like when I'm driving down the highway and want a coffee. Starbucks is on the right and another coffee shop on the left, Starbucks it is.
Our little town has a highway running through it for about a mile. There are at least eight coffee shops in that distance (more still if you go downtown) and two are Starbucks (one store and one in Safeway). They all serve the same coffee drinks for about the same price. Once a week or so the dog and I will go for a latte and a couple of dog biscuits and like I said, Starbucks or another coffee shop is decided on which side of the road I'm on. I sometimes went to McDonalds for a latte, but they don't give out dog biscuits so we don't go there any more. ETA: I order a regular latte or a mocha (no whipped cream thank you) and the wife orders some decaf, white chocolate, caramel, something or other, something or other, something or other. |
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I've NEVER had starbucks, never been into a starbucks for that matter. Don't plan on it either. You are not missing much. It's a coffee shop that tries to sound sophisticated by expecting you to ask for a mochalochabochachocaskinnysuckmycocklattemituberschnizelfuckemuppenzeass. In other words "a coffee" Pretentious wankers. You almost made me spit my coffee. Which was made at home. A $6 bag of Eight O'clock whole bean lasts all month. And it tastes much better than Whorebucks. |
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Danny: Can I get a large black coffee? Barista: A what? Danny: Large black coffee. Barista: Do you mean a venti? Danny: No, I mean a large. Barista: Venti is large. Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages. Barista: A venti is a large coffee. Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now? I think you'd have a hard time finding a Starbucks where you hear that. I've heard it. |