Mall Ninja Haikus

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Posted: 5/21/2002 8:49:53 AM EST

Give it your best shot. Here are a few to get you started.

Radio crackles
Tangos spotted in food court
This could get messy

Teenage hooligans
Harrassing the customers
I descend from the ceiling

Hands on your head, punk
Drop the Hilfiger jacket
My team shoots to kill

Posted: 5/21/2002 9:16:18 AM EST

[#1]

Ninjas are so cool
and by cool I mean their sweet
I just crapped my pants

Posted: 5/21/2002 11:01:22 AM EST

[#2]

Ninjas are mammals
But sometimes they just flip out
And cut off your head

[Edited to correct it 5-7-5]

Posted: 5/21/2002 12:39:47 PM EST

[#3]

I love Mall Ninjas
yes with all of my body
even my pee pee

Posted: 5/21/2002 12:45:17 PM EST

[#4]

shoplifter identified
.50 caliber justice
cleanup in front of Sears

Posted: 5/21/2002 12:45:52 PM EST

[#5]

I will wait calmly
They pass me like a river
Three Oh Eight ends crime

Posted: 5/21/2002 12:52:08 PM EST

[#6]

ever vigilant
looking at the T and A
time to act

Posted: 5/21/2002 12:55:59 PM EST

[#7]

Duct Tape on my Skin
Very Bad Planning from Me
Trauma Plate Works Well

Posted: 5/21/2002 1:04:18 PM EST

[#8]

I confront the Crip
"Sir, turn around your ball cap"
Come to in dumpster

Posted: 5/21/2002 1:11:35 PM EST

[#9]

Strut Like a Big Man
Free Fries from the Chick-Fil-A
Teenage Girls are Nice

Posted: 5/21/2002 1:37:24 PM EST

[#10]

Campaign cover and starched shirt
I'm cool, dude
See how fast I draw my mace

Posted: 5/21/2002 1:38:47 PM EST

[#11]

Humvee in Monkey Wards
Dust settles
Ready to Rock I move out

Posted: 5/21/2002 1:45:04 PM EST

[#12]

Too tight in my blues
Mall walk, regulation shoes
Flashlight bangs my thigh.

Posted: 5/21/2002 2:21:31 PM EST

[#13]

The wind does not blow
Shoplifter is still and near
Sight picture, slack, squeeze

Posted: 5/21/2002 2:29:07 PM EST

[#14]

Did I leave the George Forman grill on?

O-crap! there goes another moble home[>(]

Posted: 5/21/2002 2:31:25 PM EST

[#15]

No, Sharper Image
My nostril hairs are just fine
Ahhh... Spencer Gifts.

Posted: 5/21/2002 2:36:51 PM EST

[#16]

I curse the cheap claws
As I fall from the mall roof
my chute deploys late

My golf cart hums sweet
Fifty cal mounted behind
tires squeal on marble

Trauma plates taped on
I confront the heathen crowd
and they know nothing

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:22:31 AM EST

[#17]

Old ladies with blue hair
Walk so slow
Young punks with silly clothes
Rude and loud
Please save me,
Mall Ninja!

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:27:25 AM EST

[#18]

Laser rangefinder
My prey at one fifty yards
The Donut Hut babe

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:42:58 AM EST

[#19]

3pm, my shift at last
The heat from the cafe court clouds my IR goggles.
I as approach fast,
The thermal image paints her hot snatch.

My combat boots clack
my step and persception fine
I removed my goggles to eye
a ruge bodacious rack
and by bodacious, I mean boobylicious!
I flank to the right
to catch a new sight
this baby's got back!

She hooks me up with some fries.
I knew I had the chance
then she asked me to dance
to late, I had crapped my pants.

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:47:40 AM EST

[#20]

Polyester Pants
CB Flashlight Black Shoes Go!
Shoplift at own risk.

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:51:04 AM EST

[#21]

Gentlemen,

Although some of your submissions are certainly entertaining. Many do not fit the parameters of haiku. The pattern of syllables is 5,7,5. If you look at the first three haiku(s?), you will see they fit this convention.

Police school dropout
If only they saw me now
Shogun of retail!

(Edited. There's a big difference between syllables and consonants)

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:59:58 AM EST

[#22]

Rapid deployment
MP5 sings its sweet song
Fountain coins are safe

Posted: 5/22/2002 7:21:16 AM EST

[#23]

I thought 5,7,5 was syllables, but mall haikus may be consonants.

Posted: 5/22/2002 7:30:15 AM EST

[#24]

Ohhhhhh!, I see.
5,7,5
Let me try again:

Ninja on the prowl
Eyes himself some fresh booty
Craps his pants again

Posted: 5/22/2002 7:40:41 AM EST

[#25]

My name is mall ninja Fife
My guns are all rusty, my knife is all dusty
And I never made an arrest in my life

Posted: 5/22/2002 7:45:19 AM EST

[#26]

Quoted:
My name is mall ninja Fife
My guns are all rusty, my knife is all dusty
And I never made an arrest in my life

View Quote

That's a LIMERICK!

Posted: 5/22/2002 8:09:25 AM EST

[#27]

hahaha.....

from limerick......

[b]there once was a ninja oh yeah!
who thought he was badder than hell.
he climbed up the wall
at the top he said, " 'tis too tall!"
and he lost his low wage job at the mall.[/b]

to haiku......

[b]mall ninja climb wall
his back feels intense pain...
unemployment line.[/b]

Posted: 5/22/2002 8:36:49 AM EST

[#28]

.300 whisper
Throw smoke grenades for cover
food court sniper down

trauma plate in front
how to secure dorsal plate?
GlockTalk has answers

Posted: 5/22/2002 3:08:42 PM EST

[#29]

Gangsta wannabe
Trousers slung below his waist
Death touch stops his heart

Posted: 5/22/2002 3:12:49 PM EST

[#30]

Gap chick folding shirts
Closer in my reticle
Finger strokes trigger

Posted: 5/22/2002 3:31:32 PM EST

[#31]

Within the shadows
Hidden eyes scanning, scanning
The Mall is now safe

Posted: 5/22/2002 3:49:32 PM EST

[#32]

keen senses say strike
throwing stars cast in flurry
now Orange Julius

Posted: 5/22/2002 6:26:27 PM EST

[#33]

I applaud you all
your best efforts might be lame
but it all rings true

I can't write haiku
certainly not about Gecko
while you have done well

Of course, these haiku
will be archived at my site
mall ninjas rejoice

Verse, a true homage
to the gaurdians of malls
who can criticize?

After all, you shoot-
writing certainly not your
strongest of subjects[;)]

[url]Mallninja.com[/url]
has new material
will I now update?

Juggernaut

Posted: 5/22/2002 7:15:16 PM EST

[#34]

Clad in black, I strike!
In the video arcade
Bloody quarters fly

Posted: 5/23/2002 10:53:10 AM EST

[#35]

The armored car guys
Carry guns into my mall
Why can't I have one?

A shoplifter caught
Police come and pick him up
I NEED to be one.

Posted: 5/23/2002 11:10:56 AM EST

[#36]

Adipose quivers,
Polyester uniform,
Fired for sleeping

Shoplifter stop now!
I hurl my fierce shuriken,
Too fat to run fast.

Mexican, Chinese?
The food court confuses me.
Puff of smoke, I'm gone.

I have no pistol.
Black clad, I blend with mall map.
Silent ,I thwart evil.

Quickly to the arcade!
Two malcontents battle there,
Photos, then banished.

Posted: 5/23/2002 11:17:53 AM EST

[#37]

Read SOF ad
Send check for ancient manual
Training is complete

Posted: 5/23/2002 11:45:47 AM EST

[#38]

Mall Ninja flips out
Cut off paying customer's head
Cleans toilet for life.

Board members love me
All their body and peepee
Mall Ninja not gay

Posted: 6/4/2002 3:42:19 PM EST

[#39]

Jojo rappels down
Class IV plates tugging duct tape
Waldenbooks is safe

Posted: 6/4/2002 4:40:06 PM EST

[#40]

Mall Ninja?

Don't get this shit.
High School dork on power trip?
Dressed in black.
Chick-Fil-A gives him gas?
Mall Ninja let em rip.

Posted: 6/4/2002 5:09:48 PM EST

[#41]

The Womenz walk by
Ninja low crawls through the mall
Perv alert! eek! Eek!

I am Mall Ninja
School girls slap decal on me
Hello Kitty sucks!

Vigilent Ninja
Sees the nastiest habits
On booger patrol

Posted: 6/4/2002 5:34:31 PM EST

[#42]

Totally sweet? Yes.
Totally tactical? Yes.
The mall ninja rules!

Posted: 6/4/2002 5:45:40 PM EST

[#43]

See the girl Ninja!
Mall Ninja peepee gets wood
Maybe NOT confused

Posted: 6/4/2002 6:15:38 PM EST

[#44]

McUzi is back
Mall Ninja, not a Big Mac
GoatBoy cut some slack

Posted: 6/4/2002 6:38:59 PM EST

[#45]

Mall Ninja sound like "RAP"?

Posted: 6/5/2002 9:19:41 AM EST

[#46]

Wall climbing shoes on
I love watching little girls
Like a God I am

Ballistic plates on
Front and back they protect me
Glock 9 at ready

Golf cart turbocharged
The litterbugs I hunt down
Hollowpoint head shot

Respect me you will
For great wrath shall I call down
On my megaphone

Special Ops wannabes
Hold no candle to my skills
Mall Ninja am I

Posted: 6/5/2002 9:48:45 AM EST

[#47]

night vision engaged
ruckus at sharper image
silenced round makes peace

enjoying slurpee
peace disturbed by teen mallrats
brass bounces off tile

watching birds nest above
hanging from skylight, see all
lonely at the top

taco bell for lunch
loud bitch orders big mac, fry
too stupid to read

Posted: 6/5/2002 10:40:06 AM EST

[#48]

Fifty cal goes boom
Elevator needs cleaning
Store gets back their goods

All this cool hardware
No need for any training
I can walk on walls!

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Mall Ninja Haikus

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