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Posted: 10/12/2004 7:47:57 PM EST
I dont know why I am coming up with all these marital dilemna problem questions. Dr and Mrs Frige are fine... This one though is a REAL scenario that happened to a friend of mine...(NO REALLY its a friend. I have posted about him and his *cough WIFE cough*)

Wifey gets a call at 11:30 Saturday night. She tells hubby that she has to leave to see her friend. She doesnt come back till 2:30 AM. They have 2 kids and she has been acting "Shady" to him for a while.

Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?

I keep telling him to wake the f*ck up and do something. You know how outsiders have more 20/20 insight into people's lives... this relationship is rapidly self destructing.

So, what say the Arfcom Crew?
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:50:54 PM EST
business til 2:30 am?

Maybe one of her friends needed a hug? You know how woman can be.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:52:32 PM EST



Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?




No, absolutely not.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:52:45 PM EST
One of her girlfriends probably had to pee, and you know, they have to go in packs...
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:53:01 PM EST
Caller ID.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:54:18 PM EST
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:01:01 PM EST

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...

Oh you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:06:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...

Oh you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.



You are forgetting this is the life he has chosen. He decided to marry the shrew and he is deciding to stay with her.

There is some reason that he keeps choosing to be with her. I don't see what you can really do about it when you have explained to him his other options.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:08:05 PM EST
"Pussy whipped...pussy whipped...don't you know you're pussy whipped???"
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:20:21 PM EST

Originally Posted By Dukota:



Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?




No, absolutely not.



+1 agreed
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:22:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2004 8:23:33 PM EST by Searcherfortruth]
I wish I would have listened more carfully to those who were trying to warn me of my future, when the same kind if fishy crap was happening.

Do your best & be blunt as hell with him about the crap your seeing.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:23:56 PM EST
Sure my old gf would go out at 230 am to get cigarettes.....then meet me and well never mind that part...then go home to her husband.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:35:50 PM EST
I dont believe it, he cant be that stupid.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:42:52 PM EST
Being Married requires complete and unsolicited disclosure. Smells like bullshit to me.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 8:54:09 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2004 8:58:52 PM EST by m_jacobs_wife]
Hello there, DrFrige!!!

My hubby has a set curfew on me. During the spring, summer, and fall months, I'm expected to be at home by 8:00 p.m. (7 days a week). During the winter months, I'm expected to be at home by 6:00 p.m. (7 days a week). Reason? The hubby worries about me, such as I might get killed, mugged, or raped. In other words, the hubby loves me very much and wants me home in one piece.
A hubby who dosen't worry about his wife staying out very late dosen't gave a crap about her.
Hmmm...maybe, your friend should set a curfew on his wife and explain to her why he's doing it.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:22:10 PM EST

Originally Posted By m_jacobs_wife:
Hello there, DrFrige!!!

My hubby has a set curfew on me. During the spring, summer, and fall months, I'm expected to be at home by 8:00 p.m. (7 days a week). During the winter months, I'm expected to be at home by 6:00 p.m. (7 days a week). Reason? The hubby worries about me, such as I might get killed, mugged, or raped. In other words, the hubby loves me very much and wants me home in one piece.
A hubby who dosen't worry about his wife staying out very late dosen't gave a crap about her.
Hmmm...maybe, your friend should set a curfew on his wife and explain to her why he's doing it.



I wouldnt say it is a "curfew"... more like an understanding that he worries about you and that you can understand his fears. that is cool. Just like my wife wants a phone call every service call or so just to know that I am OK. That is cool.

HOWEVER!!!!

If he ever told her that, She will come all unglued on him and tell him that he is tring to control her. Yeah, it is a BAD situation. Especially that there are kids invloved.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:23:21 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...

Oh you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.



Forgot to add

*NO SEX for months now. Even after she made him buy her an IUD and have it installed.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:31:31 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...

Oh you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.



Forgot to add

*NO SEX for months now. Even after she made him buy her an IUD and have it installed.




Hah!

She's fucking somebody else (or multiple somebody elses) and has him so pussy-whipped that she's not even trying hard to hide it at this point.

How many kids do they have together? It may be best at this point to take the money, pull up stakes, and ditch the bitch.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:33:02 PM EST

Originally Posted By Dukota:



Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?




No, absolutely not.



+1

That shit would have to stop right now.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:34:09 PM EST
We need an animation like this to represent women.

I am 99% sure my ex wife started her cheating before we got married, now that I can see back with clear eyes instead of these .

I have a great GF now, but I can't bring myself to marry her because of all these stories people tell about women who start out great but go in the tank after the "I do".

Sometimes I think it's frigging hopeless. It used to be all you heard was about men not treating their wives right. Now it seems to be the other way around.



Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:34:45 PM EST
*69 the next call after she leaves.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:36:59 PM EST
Tell your friend to take his balls back and be a man. Why would anyone put up with that?
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:37:20 PM EST

Originally Posted By mtechgunman:
*69 the next call after she leaves.



all done on her cell phone.... Which he pays for.

Remember..... she has no job.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:39:32 PM EST

Originally Posted By SteveSatch:
Tell your friend to take his balls back and be a man. Why would anyone put up with that?



Did one better. I told him to be a man and grow a pair and tell her to STFU!

Link Posted: 10/12/2004 9:54:40 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By mtechgunman:
*69 the next call after she leaves.



all done on her cell phone.... Which he pays for.

Remember..... she has no job.


Easy then. If he pays for it, he can get a list of all phone calls made and received on that phone from the wireless phone company.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 10:12:01 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By mtechgunman:
*69 the next call after she leaves.



all done on her cell phone.... Which he pays for.

Remember..... she has no job.

Excelent. Then he gets the bill, and the call details
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 10:13:10 PM EST

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By mtechgunman:
*69 the next call after she leaves.



all done on her cell phone.... Which he pays for.

Remember..... she has no job.


Easy then. If he pays for it, he can get a list of all phone calls made and received on that phone from the wireless phone company.



She probably shreds those as well.... She shreds the bank statements before he even sees them so he cannot see the charges... I know... this sounds like I make all this up but TRUST ME!!! I dont!
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 10:43:38 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 10:46:51 PM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
...you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.



The late night/early A.M. "stuff" is a fart in the wind compared to the character flaws you've listed. Sounds like pn$$y-whupin is being had. I hate to even bring this up, but the fact that he is already putting out $$$ for the adopted kids probably means he will be required to continue doing so in the event of a divorce, not including whatever else she can squeeze from him. Pre tell - did he chance to get have a pre-nup drawn up before soiling himself w/ this prize? Could save him some serious long-term misery, but I'd wager he didn't, or else he wouldn't be tolerating the current mess.

Sounds like she chose well, & he didn't.

My advice:

* Get a lawyer now. She will most likely employ as much spiteful retribution as the law will entertain, so he'd better have his a$$ covered before she even begins to get started (you know what I mean - & he should to). Clue him in before he gets decimated by character assassination & legal manuevering. Don't think. Just do it.

* Hide personal valuables in safe caches/storage locations (firearms). Again - you know the drill.

* Strongly recommend having witnesses at hand to br able refute whatever particular accusations/false charges she may endeavor to lay on him. No matter how well he thinks he knows her - yes, she would.

Damn. Just when I was beginning to feel down today. I am a lucky man, for sure.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 11:02:10 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2004 11:03:33 PM EST by USPC40]

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By USPC40:

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By mtechgunman:
*69 the next call after she leaves.



all done on her cell phone.... Which he pays for.

Remember..... she has no job.


Easy then. If he pays for it, he can get a list of all phone calls made and received on that phone from the wireless phone company.



She probably shreds those as well.... She shreds the bank statements before he even sees them so he cannot see the charges... I know... this sounds like I make all this up but TRUST ME!!! I dont!


No, no, no...I'm saying he can request a new list. Have it sent to his work place or somewhere the wife wont get her hands on it.

Now that I think about it, forget it. He just needs to drop that bitch and move on. If she already does that other stuff, who cares if she's cheating or not.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 11:12:11 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2004 11:15:27 PM EST by tcsd1236]

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?

So, what say the Arfcom Crew?


The legitimacy or "right and wrongness" of any sort of conduct involving members of a couple depends on what the rules of conduct within that couple are. Its pretty obvious what kind of "friend" she appears to have on initial appearances. Is this a reoccurring type of incident for them? Bottom line is, if you don't have trust and communication, it wont work out. The fact that he doesn't know where she was means theres no communication, and no doubt trust will be going out the door shortly thereafter.
Edited to add: finally ead all the way through the thread. Definite issues he needs answers to now or he needs to make preps to dump her..
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 12:25:49 AM EST
Pt's to ;ate for him. He needs to strike 1st. Pack her crap, & put it in the car for her next late night phone call get togeather. Change the locks on the doors, & have a lawyer retained, with papers ready to be served.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 1:09:21 AM EST
It's a shitty situation, but one that only he can change.
If I were you every time he calls to cry tell him to fuck off. Either he can do something about the situation or he won't, it's his call. I hate people that stay in the same bad situation and keep crying about it, but never do anything to change it even though it is totally within their power to do so.

Some folks here have heard me bitch about my job. Well I have an interview today with another company. Pretty simple huh?
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 1:38:47 AM EST
Norman nailed it. He isn't going to change anything until she drops the hammer on him. He's a cuckold, she's treating him like a doormat, and all he can do is bitch about it but not do anything about it.

Here's what will happen:

1 - He'll continue doing what he's been doing, and she'll continue to take advantage of him.

2- Or she'll eventually tire of him and leave him, but take everything.

3 - Or he'll snap one day and kill her, then himself.

4 - Last (REMOTE) possibility - he'll finally wake up and be a man. Doubt this one.

We get people like this ALL the time here, who bitch and whine about their situation, get loads of advice from people here who have "been there, done that, got the Tshirt" and then never follow anyone's very good advice.

So if you are a true friend, tell this guy that you have lost respect for him and that unless he does something serious regarding this, then you can't be friends with him. Harsh, but it may help.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:17:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
Pt's to ;ate for him. He needs to strike 1st. Pack her crap, & put it in the car for her next late night phone call get togeather. Change the locks on the doors, & have a lawyer retained, with papers ready to be served.



+1
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:19:15 AM EST

Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?


Yes, but only when her boyfriend has a raging hardon.

SGatr15
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:22:21 AM EST

Originally Posted By Dukota:



Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?




No, absolutely not.



Not without some SERIOUS explanation if it happens more than once.

Hell, I'd expect a full accounting the FIRST time!

In a strong relationship, something that required her attention that late would be something she'd want to talk to you about....
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:26:18 AM EST
Two words:
Electronic. Banking.

He could log on to all the credit cards and bank accounts to see where money is being spent.
But that would only confirm what he refuses to accept.

Kharn
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:34:15 AM EST
Sorry. Kept reading.

Your friend needs to pull his head out of his ass. I know, because I allowed myself to become the doormat to my own home for too long. He's allowed himself to become the toilet paper.

Every time he calls you, tell him the only person who can help him is the guy staring back at him from the mirror. Tell him you're there to help him, but YOU cannot solve his problem.

Also, tell him to DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, then take the bitch to the cleaners in the divorce.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:41:38 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/13/2004 2:44:41 AM EST by MrsGungho]

Originally Posted By DrFrige:

Originally Posted By Mall-Ninja:
230am? with no calls home?


I've never been married, but this friend is an idiot if this doesn't wake him up...

Oh you dont know the half of it.

*He works 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week (Owns his own bsuiness)
*She doesnt
*He is paying child support (for HER child from her FIRST marriage)
*He does the laundry
*He does the dishes
*She publicly humilated him at a hockey game. Yelling "YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT OF A HUSBAND! YOU NEED TO WORK HARDER!"
*She has told him that she has LOWERED her lifestyle to marry him
*She steals money from him, uses his credit cards and his business checking account


There are MANY more examples. Its just late and I cant remember now. He calls me everyday and tells me this crap.



All of this plus she sees the need to stay out until 2:30 am.. the bitch needs to go.

finished reading everything... and an IUD and not giving him sex?! I'll say it again.. bitch needs to go.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:43:09 AM EST

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
All of this plus she sees the need to stay out until 2:30 am.. the bitch needs to go.



...and that's coming from a WOMAN, fellas!
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 2:55:28 AM EST

Originally Posted By Zaphod:

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
All of this plus she sees the need to stay out until 2:30 am.. the bitch needs to go.



...and that's coming from a WOMAN, fellas!



yep I have no tolerance for people screwing around while in a marriage. Even giving the appearance that she is, to me that's enough. She doesn't respect him, treats him like shit.. I can't see why he would stay.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:01:01 AM EST
all signs point to affair
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:01:10 AM EST
Didn't you already write about this guy once? Wasn't his wife trying to find out if he was still paying his life insurance premiums?
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:01:42 AM EST
Norman and Graywolf are spot on.

I had a friend in a similar situation and would not sack up and do what he needed to do. I eventually had to tell him that while we would remain friends (Hell, he NEEDED me as a friend), our conversations would be limited to guns, football, fishing, OTHER women, etc... No more talk about them or her. I had given my advice several times and just could not watch a MAN being reduced by such a foul beast.

A female friend at the time ran into the girl in question at a bar hanging on some guy and literally spat in her face telling her she should be ashamed of herself.

He needs some "tough love" by a friend but he does still need his friend.

NOTHING can pull a good man down like a bad woman. Nothing.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:02:43 AM EST

Originally Posted By Dukota:



Does a MARRIED woman with KIDS have any business going out until 2:30 in the am?




No, absolutely not.



+1, and I'm not married.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:04:10 AM EST
he chose her..........if he is not happy, he needs to DX her.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:30:38 AM EST

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
Forgot to add

*NO SEX for months now. Even after she made him buy her an IUD and have it installed.





That one takes the cake! Dr. Fridge, YOU know what's going on, and your buddy knows what's going on, but he's not doing anything about it. Why are you asking the ARFCOMers what's going on when you already know damn well the answer to that.

You're buddy probably doesn't have it in him to tell wifey to shape up so your only option really is to tell your friend, "You know what's going on, either do something to change it or quite bitching to me about it because I don't want to listen to you whining and feeling sorry for yourself anymore!"

Then again, maybe you enjoy hearing his stories. I am enjoying reading about them!

-Nick Viejo.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:31:51 AM EST
She is a cheating whore.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:34:45 AM EST
Give him and her the boot. I dont need anyone that stupid around me.
Link Posted: 10/13/2004 3:52:40 AM EST
Two words:
Electronic. Banking.

He could log on to all the credit cards and bank accounts to see where money is being spent.
But that would only confirm what he refuses to accept.

Kharn


+1

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