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1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like... night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar
territory.

5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

11. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.

12. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

13. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people
have.

14. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

15. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

16. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

17. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

18. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

19. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

20. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
payments.

21. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my
hand.

22. Okay, so what's the speed of dark?

23. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

24. If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.

25. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong
lane.

26. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off
now.

27. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't
have film.

28. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?

29. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

30. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.

31. What happens if you get scared to death twice?

32. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling
out.

33. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
louder.

34. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

35. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering
what happened.

36. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.