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Posted: 8/23/2001 7:09:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 7:25:44 AM EDT by Chimborazo]
Two West Virginians are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. His hunter buddy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead." ....There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:12:31 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:14:45 AM EDT
How can a WV mother tell if her son has been having sex with her daughter? By the taste of his dick.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:16:02 AM EDT
[rolleyes] OOOpppsss - was that a "religiously bigoted" response by me????
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:20:09 AM EDT
Sonofabitch A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father." After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!" Priest: "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?" Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY): "I'm sorry, Father, but that's what the fish is called: -- a sonofabitch." Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and stops the Bishop. Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God." Priest: "No, you don't understand! That's what the fish is called and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!" Bishop: "Hmmm, you know I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish, cleans it and takes it to the head mother. Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?" Head Mother: "My lord, what language!" Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what this fish is called, a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we want you to cook it." Head Mother: "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight." That night the Pope stops by for dinner. He thinks the fish is great and asks where they got it. Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch." Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch." Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch." The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, takes off his hat, leans back in his chair, puts his feet up on the table and says, "You know, you fuckers are all right!"
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:25:27 AM EDT
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:35:40 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 7:52:22 AM EDT by AR_Rifle]
Longest dick contest: 3 guys decided to find out which of them got the longest dick. Standing on the edge of the Golden Bridge, they decided to open up and let it hang down. 1st guy got his half way down. 2nd guy said "Oooh! the water is cold today" 3rd guy said "Yeah! and deep too!" OK, so the winner of the West Coast contest go to New York for the world final longest dick contest. Again 3 finalist decided that they will go on top of the Empire State Building and let it hang down. 1st guy got his half way down the building. 2nd guy got his down to the 3rd floor. When both looked at the 3rd guy and seeing him jumping back and forth, side to side, up and down, they decided to ask "Hey! what are you doing?" 3rd guy replied "I am dodging traffic!"
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:36:12 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 7:36:28 AM EDT by Golgo-13]
Why is it called PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome)? Because the name Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:40:51 AM EDT
(funniest when dialog is read in dialect) A WV girl went up to her father and said "Daddy, can I have $100 for a prom dress?" He said "Sure, pumpkin, but you're going to have to give me a blowjob first." She immediately drops to her knees and gets started. Right away she stops, looks up at her father and says "Daddy, your pecker tastes like shit." He smacks himself on the forehead and says "Oh, I'm sorry, pumpkin. I forgot your brother wanted to borrow the car this morning."
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 7:47:16 AM EDT
OOOpppsss - was that a "religiously bigoted" response by me????
View Quote
Actually, no. It was a racist response, the smilie being an obvious caricature of the poor, opressed Nipponese people. I think there may be some LEO-bashing implied there, too.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 12:30:48 PM EDT
Who is the most popular guy in a nudist colony? The one who can carry two large cups of coffee and a dozen dounuts at the same time. Who is the most popular girl? The one who can swallow the last donut without touching it with her hands.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 1:22:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 1:22:46 PM EDT by AR-SNIPER-15]
Whats the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman? Einsteins Penis.[:D]
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