In 2000 we saw the election swayed by less than 600 votes. Now imagine this: What if you were at the polls this Tuesday, and you happened to scratch your ass before punching a hole into your ballot. The subsequent shit stain on the piece of paper may be mistaken by counters as a hanging chad. Now, without realizing it, your vote may have counted towards Admiral Akbar, and your long distance service has been switched to Sprint.
So, how does this make an ass scratcher a threat to the United States of America as much as Al Queda?
Stay with me now: When you (unknowingly) switched to Sprint for your long distance your rates have increased by more than 300%. The following month, when you receive the unexpected bill, you will totally flip out.
It will start by kicking your cat and shooting your dog. However, God forbid that you didn't make too many calls to your grandmother that month, because if that bill exceeds the amount of $743.59 abusing pets will not calm your rage. Psychological studies have proven that when a subject is faced with an unexpected phone bill over the amount of $743.59, they tend to totally flip out like ninjas. Subjects in this experiment have shown to take their Bushmaster bullet-hoses, and going on a fish-killing rampage. Once their firearm explodes, they take the murdered fish and stuff it in their poopers and post pics. As a result, Al Queda will attack us.
I can't wait for wednesday. I'm voting for bush, but I'm tired of this election, and specially all the slippery slope theories people come up with.
Poll Coming....