I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the "Deer Crossing" sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer were being hit by cars", and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce". He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That’s why we ask."
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who as leaving the company due to "downsizing", our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s-side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the mechanic, "it’s open!"
To which he replied, "I know. I already got that side."
True story: I was in the drivethru at Jack In The Box a few years ago and the woman ahead of me ordered a JumboJack w/cheese with "no produce". Simple enough right? Just a burger with the condiments.
There followed a 2 minute conversation as the customer tried to explain to the order taker (who didn't have a frikken clue) what she meant by "no produce". Customer had to explain that "produce" did NOT include cheese or ketchup.
You got that right
I've received a more extensive version of the first post in my e-mail over the years.
I once went to McDonald's and ordered half a dozen chicken nuggets.
"I'm sorry sir, we don't sell them by the half dozen."
"You don't? Then how many can I get at a time?"
"You can get six, nine, or twelve."
"So I can get six chicken nuggets, but not half a dozen chicken nuggets?"
"That's right, sir."
"Did your parents have any children who lived?"
Boy, mixing sarcasm, common sense, and FMJ quotes is the fastest way to guarantee that the grease monkey on the other side of the counter screws up his face in confusion and just stares at you.
The world is full of idiots. Down here, ou are lucky if the guy behind the counter can read. Getting out with the right order takes priority, and you learn young that the guys at McDonald's don't know what produce and minimal mean, have no idea how many nuggets are in a dozen, and aren't bright enough to pick up on jokes.
I went for my first drivers license. The guy asked, birthday, I told him, color of hair, I told him, eyes, I told him, etc.. race? I said, Caucasian. He squinted his eyes and looked me up and down, and said, "No you're not, you're white!"