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7/8/2020 3:01:36 PM
Posted: 4/20/2016 11:25:36 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2016 1:34:23 AM EDT by Eagle_19er]
South African Spider Monkey!

FB post by Matt Walsh (news personality) ETA: to be clear, these aren't my words, I just found this post by Matt Walsh on FB.

Dear Target, thank you for being so "inclusive" as to allow men who identify as women to use the rest room with women who identify as women. Some people believe safety, privacy, dignity, and reality are more important considerations than political correctness, but it's wonderful to see you taking a stand against those bigots. Why should our wives and daughters be treated with decency when there are cross dressing dudes to appease? Again, thank you for your bravery.

Now, since we are in an era of acceptance and tolerance, I feel comfortable revealing that I have, for quite some time now, self-identified as a South American spider monkey. As a member of the spider monkey community, I prefer to use the bathroom anywhere. This could include the men's bathroom, the women's bathroom, the parking lot, aisle 12, the conveyor belt at the cash register, etc. This is what makes me most comfortable. The fact that it makes everyone else decidedly less comfortable is not my concern. This is all about me. Everything revolves around me and my feelings, you understand.

I will need you to place signs throughout the store indicating that trans-creature Americans may relieve themselves in whatever place and whatever manner best fits their species preference. Of course I'm also going to need you to abolish the narrow-minded, discriminatory, speciesphobic store policy that prohibits non-human mammals from even entering the premises to begin with. This is the year 2016, Target. Those kinds of policies belong back in the days of Jim Crow. Not to be confused with my friend Jim the Crow, who identifies as a crow, and therefore might be found in your parking lot picking through your garbage and defecating on the cars. The only appropriate response to this behavior is applause.

It's nice that you have begun the process of abandoning reality in favor of the confusions and fetishes of severely disturbed people, but I must insist that you complete this evolution promptly.

Spider monkeys do not deserve to be left out.

I am an oppressed minority, and anyone who refuses to bend to my emotional whims is a despot in the same league as Hitler.

Please correct this problem at once, and repent of your wicked ways.

Thank you.

Regards,

Bubbles the Monkey
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 11:33:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/20/2016 11:33:38 PM EDT by katrina24]
Bravo.............  Amen......   you  my friend win the internet
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 11:36:06 PM EDT
I self identify as Alyson Hannigan's panties.
Link Posted: 4/20/2016 11:48:51 PM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Undefined:
I self identify as Alyson Hannigan's panties.
View Quote



I will be her flute




Link Posted: 4/21/2016 12:27:03 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2016 12:27:43 AM EDT by radia]
Dear Target:

I self-identify as the Queen of France.

Henceforth and forthwith, you shall instruct all Target employees that they must address me as "Your Highness".

They must also assiduously refrain from looking at me directly in the eyes, rather they must keep their gaze at no higher than waist level.

Failure to do so will cost you and your shareholders dearly.

Sincerely,

Doofus (the Queen of France)





Link Posted: 4/21/2016 12:37:23 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Eagle_19er:
South African Spider Monkey!

FB post by Matt Walsh (news personality)

Dear Target, thank you for being so "inclusive" as to allow men who identify as women to use the rest room with women who identify as women. Some people believe safety, privacy, dignity, and reality are more important considerations than political correctness, but it's wonderful to see you taking a stand against those bigots. Why should our wives and daughters be treated with decency when there are cross dressing dudes to appease? Again, thank you for your bravery.

Now, since we are in an era of acceptance and tolerance, I feel comfortable revealing that I have, for quite some time now, self-identified as a South American spider monkey. As a member of the spider monkey community, I prefer to use the bathroom anywhere. This could include the men's bathroom, the women's bathroom, the parking lot, aisle 12, the conveyor belt at the cash register, etc. This is what makes me most comfortable. The fact that it makes everyone else decidedly less comfortable is not my concern. This is all about me. Everything revolves around me and my feelings, you understand.

I will need you to place signs throughout the store indicating that trans-creature Americans may relieve themselves in whatever place and whatever manner best fits their species preference. Of course I'm also going to need you to abolish the narrow-minded, discriminatory, speciesphobic store policy that prohibits non-human mammals from even entering the premises to begin with. This is the year 2016, Target. Those kinds of policies belong back in the days of Jim Crow. Not to be confused with my friend Jim the Crow, who identifies as a crow, and therefore might be found in your parking lot picking through your garbage and defecating on the cars. The only appropriate response to this behavior is applause.

It's nice that you have begun the process of abandoning reality in favor of the confusions and fetishes of severely disturbed people, but I must insist that you complete this evolution promptly.

Spider monkeys do not deserve to be left out.

I am an oppressed minority, and anyone who refuses to bend to my emotional whims is a despot in the same league as Hitler.

Please correct this problem at once, and repent of your wicked ways.

Thank you.

Regards,

Bubbles the Monkey
View Quote


You're gonna fling poo aren't you?
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 12:49:39 AM EDT
This has real potential. I'm serious. This could be lots of fun.



Especially when you do it in a state senate.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 1:22:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2016 1:22:27 AM EDT by Eagle_19er]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By edb66:


You're gonna fling poo aren't you?
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By edb66:
Originally Posted By Eagle_19er:
South African Spider Monkey!

FB post by Matt Walsh (news personality)

<snip>



You're gonna fling poo aren't you?


Oh hell yes I will!
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 1:25:29 AM EDT
Stunning.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 1:27:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 1:36:31 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 8:46:00 AM EDT
Awesome!
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 8:55:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Eagle_19er:
South African Spider Monkey!

FB post by Matt Walsh (news personality) ETA: to be clear, these aren't my words, I just found this post by Matt Walsh on FB.

Dear Target, thank you for being so "inclusive" as to allow men who identify as women to use the rest room with women who identify as women. Some people believe safety, privacy, dignity, and reality are more important considerations than political correctness, but it's wonderful to see you taking a stand against those bigots. Why should our wives and daughters be treated with decency when there are cross dressing dudes to appease? Again, thank you for your bravery.

Now, since we are in an era of acceptance and tolerance, I feel comfortable revealing that I have, for quite some time now, self-identified as a South American spider monkey. As a member of the spider monkey community, I prefer to use the bathroom anywhere. This could include the men's bathroom, the women's bathroom, the parking lot, aisle 12, the conveyor belt at the cash register, etc. This is what makes me most comfortable. The fact that it makes everyone else decidedly less comfortable is not my concern. This is all about me. Everything revolves around me and my feelings, you understand.

I will need you to place signs throughout the store indicating that trans-creature Americans may relieve themselves in whatever place and whatever manner best fits their species preference. Of course I'm also going to need you to abolish the narrow-minded, discriminatory, speciesphobic store policy that prohibits non-human mammals from even entering the premises to begin with. This is the year 2016, Target. Those kinds of policies belong back in the days of Jim Crow. Not to be confused with my friend Jim the Crow, who identifies as a crow, and therefore might be found in your parking lot picking through your garbage and defecating on the cars. The only appropriate response to this behavior is applause.

It's nice that you have begun the process of abandoning reality in favor of the confusions and fetishes of severely disturbed people, but I must insist that you complete this evolution promptly.

Spider monkeys do not deserve to be left out.

I am an oppressed minority, and anyone who refuses to bend to my emotional whims is a despot in the same league as Hitler.

Please correct this problem at once, and repent of your wicked ways.

Thank you.

Regards,

Bubbles the Monkey
View Quote



You want feelings?

This is how you get feelings.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 8:55:44 AM EDT
I self identify as Bill Gates and demand immediate access to my fortune.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 8:57:33 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2016 8:58:36 AM EDT by switchtanks]


Please PLEASE tell me he actually sent that!!!!
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:02:54 AM EDT
I self-identify as the greatest trumpet player in the world, and I'm currently suing the New York Phil for not giving me an audition.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:03:36 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Undefined:
I self identify as Alyson Hannigan's panties.
View Quote

I like the way you think.
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:08:11 AM EDT
Nice
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:15:57 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:27:10 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Happygobasher:



I will be her flute




View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Happygobasher:
Originally Posted By Undefined:
I self identify as Alyson Hannigan's panties.



I will be her flute






Maybe 20 years ago. Have you seen a recent picture?
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:42:48 AM EDT
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By TacticalGarand44:


Maybe 20 years ago. Have you seen a recent picture?
View Quote View All Quotes
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By TacticalGarand44:
Originally Posted By Happygobasher:
Originally Posted By Undefined:
I self identify as Alyson Hannigan's panties.



I will be her flute






Maybe 20 years ago. Have you seen a recent picture?



Yeah.    Sooooooo guilty!




Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:51:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:52:34 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 9:58:16 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/21/2016 8:19:35 PM EDT
Bump

Should we start a legitimate SASM community?
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