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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/22/2005 7:52:53 AM EDT
I have not heard it before, thought I would share:

A stock broker, driving home from work in New York City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself,

"Wow, this seems much worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold up?"

The officer replied, "Hillary Clinton is depressed, so she stopped her motorcade and is threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband has spent all her money and the Democrats told her to forget about running for President in 2008. So we're taking up a collection for her."

The stock broker asked, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replied "About 4 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."


Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:53:58 AM EDT
VERY old
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:54:29 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:55:35 AM EDT

Originally Posted By fight4yourrights:
VERY old



I am too, but I have never seen it, my apologies.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:55:36 AM EDT
Oh, if life would only imitate art.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 7:57:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By dvr9:
Oh, if life would only imitate art.



You know, I should make a painting of Hillary burning at the stake, with a bunch of citizens in the background, siphoning gas out of their cars.

Do you think it would get a lot of positive publicity, and some NEA grants, like the anti-Bush garbage always gets?
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:00:45 AM EDT
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:01:23 AM EDT


had not heard that one
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:11:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:13:10 AM EDT
A Test

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer,you will be able to test where you stand, morally.



The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision, one
way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest yet, spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line. This is important for the test to work accurately.



You're in Florida,Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are masses of water all around you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.



You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly, you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the water and mud. You move closer.

Somehow the woman looks familiar. suddenly you know who it is. It's Hillary Rodham Clinton! At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away, forever.



You have two options. You can save her or you can take the best photo of your life. So, you can save the life of Hillary Rodham Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo. A unique photo, displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful women.

And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer)

Would you select color film, or go with the simplicity of classic black and white ?

Link Posted: 8/22/2005 8:55:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SgtWhiting:

Originally Posted By fight4yourrights:
VERY old



I am too, but I have never seen it, my apologies.




Not offended - anything bashing Hitlerly is always good.
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 9:17:24 AM EDT
President Clinton gets off of Air Force One after a trip to Latin America.

He's carrying a goat under each arm.

The Secret Service meets him at the foot of the stairs. Clinton is so happy about the trip he starts talking right away.

[Bubba accent] "Hey y'all, look at this. I got this goat for Hillary and this one for Chelsea."[/Bubba accent]

The Secret Service agent says, "Sir, sounds like a fair trade."
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 10:10:53 AM EDT
Anyone remeber the joke about the old vet askign to see President Clinton and being told he is nolonger in office.......



I remember vaguely how it goes, and th elast tiem I read it I was chortling away for about 3 weeks
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 10:15:31 AM EDT
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks.

Hillary said to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded, "Just because I am esthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.

She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?
Link Posted: 8/22/2005 1:59:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 2A373:
A Test

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer,you will be able to test where you stand, morally.



The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision, one
way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest yet, spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line. This is important for the test to work accurately.



You're in Florida,Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are masses of water all around you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.



You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly, you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the water and mud. You move closer.

Somehow the woman looks familiar. suddenly you know who it is. It's Hillary Rodham Clinton! At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away, forever.



You have two options. You can save her or you can take the best photo of your life. So, you can save the life of Hillary Rodham Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo. A unique photo, displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful women.

And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer)

Would you select color film, or go with the simplicity of classic black and white ?




color
you can always make a color print BW, but colorizing a BW sucks
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