Posted: 5/6/2005 6:15:23 PM EDT
|
What do you do about a really good friend/Roommate who has slowly become an alcoholic? I used to love this guy like a brother but I hate what he has become. The only time I see him anymore he is drunk. I can't seem to get through to him. Any ideas or suggestions, until him I have never seen anyone throw down 24 beers every Friday night. I have had a close friendship with this guy for about the last 6 years and it only got like this after he and his girlfriend broke up this year. On top of all of this when he is drunk he tries to pick Fights. |
Good luck with everything.
|
If it starts to interfere with his life, he's got a problem. If he just drinks a lot on the weekend evenings, it might not actually be a serious problem, just annoying. If he is an alcoholic/addict, the best way you can be a friend is to try get him help - AA or whatever. But remember that you cannot FORCE someone to get help - unless they WANT to change, you are wasting your time. Only way to deal with addicts is to have strict boundaries about what you are willing to accept in their behavior, and to force them to deal with consequences when they violate them. Good luck. |
It doesn't interfere with his life in the sense of going to work, however his credit is now thrashed because apparently he has lost the responsibility of paying his bills on time. He has run up $6000 worth of CC debt in the last 7 months. What kind of boundaries are you suggesting? This guy really is like a brother to me and I just don't know how to handle it anymore. |
|
- Secure your guns!!!!!! - Catch him when he is sober! - Ensure he doesn't feel threatened by you (verbally/emotionall) - Let him know how you see it affecting his life in a negative way. - Let him know you miss the old him. - Let him know you are willing to help him find some treatment. - See if he wants to talk about anything. - Let him know you are supportive of him and NOT his habit!!! - Give it a cycle. ( a week ) See if it changes - If it doesn't change, get the hell out and move on. Really it's all you can do.  As stated above, if he doesn't want help, there is nothing you are gonna be able to do for/with him. Drunks suck, especially when then they wanna fight. Good luck. YMMV |
Problem is that he has more guns than I do, and on more than one occasion he has broken every single firearms safety rule in the book while drinking. My guns are secured however it isn't mine that I am worried about, his are the ones I am worried about. He has been known to point them at people while drunk. I have backed down several times as I don't want it to get physical, but he has been known to threaten with knives as well. God help me if I have to defend myself. |
Dude, get the FORK out of there! Sheesh. A friend is great and all but with a friend like that who needs em!!!! You are already in over your head. That is blatently obvious. How old is this guy? |
If you even have to think about defending yourself against someone you live with, you should already have called the TV show 'COPS' and have them set up cameras. How bad would it be? You are talking about potentially having to shoot your friend and you ask how bad it would be? Come on man! Think! IMHO, your "style" is pretty immature and gonna end you up in a heap of trouble. Have fun! |
Defcon I think you are right I know I am wrong it is just a hard damned thing to do, this is the guy that when he had his shit together turned me on to guns and such. I think he has just become pretty damned irresponsible. This is a hard damned thing to type but you are 100% right. Defcon thanks for calling me on it I think this is what I really needed to hear. |
Be very careful that when you are trying to be his "friend" you are not in fact an "enabler" Do you lend him money when he is in a hole? Do you help bail him out when he is in trouble? If so, you might as well be pouring the alcohol down his throat yourself.  If he engages in behavior that is inappropriate - and handling loaded firearms while drunk is about as inappropriate as behavior can get !!!! - then YOU need to set specific boundaries. What I mean are very specific "IF - THEN - WHEN" statements. Tell him WHAT you will do, IF he does something inappropriate, and WHEN you will do it. For example "Dude, if you EVER pick up a loaded gun when you are drunk and I am around, I am going to immediately call the police and have you arrested" , or "Hey man, if you ever pick up a loaded gun while drunk, then I am moving out the next day, and I am not going to ever be around you when you've been drinking" You get the picture - outline specific boundaries, and clarify WHAT consequences will take place IF he crosses those boundaries, and WHEN the consequences will happen. However - if you make a threat, you MUST follow through on it, so be very deliberate and careful what boundaries you decide to set. If you just try to be his "friend" and try to "help" him whenever he's in trouble, you are PART of the problem. Your best course of action would be to walk - move out, find a new roommate - but EXPLAIN to him why you are moving out, and that if he WANTS to change, you'd be happy to move back in. But until he feels like acting like a responsible adult, give him the cold shoulder. |
|
I used to know a guy like that. Until he acknowledges his disease (and, despite what you may think, alcoholism is a disease), it will only get worse. I suggest you and the rest of his friends cut of all contact, that may encourage him to at least recognize his addiction. After which, I would enroll him in a program, and make sure at least a few of his friends (preferably you) is present as well, this way you can monitor his progress while at the same time providing a strong moral support base. God bless. -Justin |
|
I really do wish you and your friend the best! I just hate to see friends get fragged by friends. I just want you to be safe and not ruin your life over this guy/friend. You are being very noble and sound like a great friend, and for that you should be proud. There are professionals that can work with you. Are you in school, work? If school, I am sure they hav councelors there who can give you professional advice. If work, does your employer have an EAP? If so, use it! |
As horrible as it may sound, this is what most all of the experts say. I have "watched from the sideline", and jumped in when necessary, it's the only way I've found... Prayers. |
I work and go to school. Yeah I am not going to ruin my life over him. I still have other things to think about. |
DKProf You are absolutly correct on this. I should have done this along time ago. I guess I have in some ways become an enabler by not doing this sooner. All though I have bailed him out once before and I told him it was the last time it was going to happen. |
|
He hasn't hit bottom because you are between him and that bottom. Don't tell him again what you are going to do...you already did that. And don't tell him "I'm moving tomorrow/next week/whatever", as the resulting argument allows him to put the blame on you. HE pointed a loaded gun at you!!! GO! l_r |
|
Did I get all this right? When he is not at work he is drunk all the time, except on fridays when he is REALLY drunk When he is drunk he likes to pick fights When he is not picking fights he is pointing guns at people, including you When he is not pointing guns at people he is threatening them with knives, including you I have some usable advice, you are risking your life and future being around him Don't drink any alcohol when you are around him As for him...... Has he lost the desire to achieve goals? Thats what it sounds like, no focus\wrong focus Sometimes a broken heart can do that.........thats what I heard anyway(heh)............. 
|