Out of fairness and fear of diabolical chickens I present the other side:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY"
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN"
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS"
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION"
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS"
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL"
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION"
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY"
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED"
10. He is not "#####" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED"
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"