User Panel
Posted: 1/18/2006 6:47:12 AM EDT
Subject: Gun Stereotypes (all in good fun)
The " Mullets R' Us " crowd. If you don't know the mullet: Http://www.mulletsgalore.com will elaborate on this further. These guys usually are shooting some form of SKS with every conceivable aftermarket accessory made for the SKS attached. Pin-on muzzle brakes, cheap bi-pods, plastic stocks etc. They may or may not sport camouflaged bandanas. Usually drive Camaros. " The Deer Rifle Mafia ". At the range they have extremely powerful scoped rifles and they only shoot at a target no further than 100 yards out. The might be seen in a realtree camo jacket, usually considered a fashion statement among their own kind. Bringing back a well- ventilated target from 300 yards out that you shot with an M39 Mosin-Nagant, forty year old ammo and iron sights sometimes annoys these fellows. Doing that from the prone doesn't do much for their disposition either. " Milsurpus Dinosaurus ". Ah, my people! We never pull up to the range in a new car. Our rifles and pistols are old, mire-covered relics and beat up veterans. We know how to shoot, but it is our keen ability to bore large amounts of people with the detailed history behind our guns that really sets us apart. "Yes, the 91/30 is an improvement over the original 91...see the metric graduations on the rear ladder and the hooded front sight?..." " Rambo ": That's the guy who shows up wearing a tank-top and shorts, has a large "Bowie"-type knife on his waist, and carries his Jennings .380 in a shoulder holster. This cool cat may even have a super-high capacity banana clip for his rare Chicom SKS. " Mister Authoritative ": He's the guy who spends 8 hours on the range with his super-expensive, custom-made, high-powered, 'scoped rifle. He has his HUGE range box next to him, and it took him 45 minutes to adjust his spotting scope. During his 10 hours on the range, he shoots only 5 rounds, for he has to study each hit, check the spent casing for any tell-tales, and wet & dry patch the bore after every 2 rounds. " Brando Commando ": Those are the guys who look like beached whales in their "Urban Camo" BDU's. Many of them like to have their ponytails rubber-banded. The pony tail is usually the ONLY hair they have! A tactical vest is not out of the question, but more commonly the sport tactical leg holsters since the vest doesn't come large enough. They will usually give you plenty of advice, and will have almost always been SEALs back in Nam. " Sarge " A crusty mean old bastard chewing a cigar, looking squinty eyed at worms like you just like you'd expect this silver haired crew cut vet to behave. He looks like he's right out of a 1950's war flick, and wears either OD BDUs or some comfy neutral colored civvies that don't cramp his ability to jump into service should his Nation call him up. He may have a lace up leather shooting jacket and can wrap a sling around his arm in unimaginable ways. He'll sport only an American made rifle, usually a Garand or if he's feeling spry, an M-1 carbine. Good fellow, but he's got no time for punks like you. " Frat Dude and His Gal ": Oh, some of these guys only want their girlfriend to try shooting so that they can "help" them with their positioning. Maybe some girls think that their chests NEED to be adjusted, so that they can hit a target? " Apologeticus Neophytis ": You never know exactly WHY they are always saying "OOPS!" (They also may vary that, to an occasional "AW S-- T!" Usually they are shooting an AK clone with a bulky PSO and bipod, or an SKS with a receiver mounted scope. These guys will usually ask for advice, and are generally simply newbies. " Homeland Security ": His buddies call him "Bubba", and he's wearing one of his old Security Guard shirts, but with the patches ripped off. He also uses cigarette filters in his ears, instead of muffs. Likes to belch loud and let you know how well he could shoot if he'd only brought his issued pistol. " Lootinit Kernle Billy Ray Cooter " This clown wears full camo, usually a commercial knockoff of a military pattern, and proudly proclaims his leadership abilities in the Buckshot County Free Militia's fifth Infantry division. He'll eyeball everyone, making sure there "ain't no damn towel heads in disguise runnin' round." His Mini-14 is Krylon-camo'd, but he borrowed it from his cousin' Ray while his SKS sniper is in the shop. He'll usually be wearing a boonie cap, dark shooting glasses, a chest rig, and converse tennis shoes. " The Codger " This is an older gentleman, sometimes answers to Fred, who will show up with any manner of firearm, provided that it is not semi-automatic, made of stainless steel or equipped with synthetic furniture. Revolvers still rule his roost. Younger shooters can earn his respect and admiration by shooting M1903 Springfields, M1 Garands or the M14, provided the M14 has a walnut or birch stock. Can often be seen shaking his head or muttering under his breath when the "Mullets R' Us" crowd empties a magazine from the hip without hitting anything. The " Look what I just bought !" cartel. Youngsters who show up at the range with their brand-new FAL/L1A1 clone for the first time. This can be an offshoot of the "Mullets" crowd. Completely ignorant of how to operate the gas regulation system on their rifle, so they don't understand why their rifle is behaving like a bolt-action. Rifles lack lubrication. They haven't even disassembled the rifle, nor would they know how. " The Saturday Morning Post Shooter " Norman Rockwell created this father and son team, no doubt about it. Son has crew-cut, father is the 2002 version of Hugh Beaumont from "Leave it to Beaver". Father or son or both are wearing clean jeans, flannel shirts, belts, decent shoes. Handgun shooting is conducted with the left hand tucked into the pants pocket, bull's-eye style. The Weaver Stance is for ruffians, you see? A refreshing image from a bygone era. " The Matthew Quigley " Anybody with a Sharps Rifle. Just go up to them and ask "Quigley Down Under?" and they will grin at you and nod yes. " The Paladin " This is the super cool guy who stares down the other shooters on the range. This guy is the combination of Jeff Cooper, Chuck Taylor, Chuck Connors and Richard Boone. They scowl at other shooters and are always in a tough guy pose on the range. His scores look like Pee Wee Herman shot them. " Expertus Ignoramus " You know him. This guy loudly give his friends or family all kinds of advice on the range. He'll bellow over six lanes of shooters with a loud shout to give you his vast wisdom. Then wanders over and says "How do you like that Super Match M1A?" You answer "Well I get 2.5 inch groups at 300 yds prone, and I won a match with it last week." He says "Aww hell, they're crap. I had one and didn't like it so I got rid of it. It has a cast receiver y'know" He then returns to his group, who were glad to be rid of him, and rips off another burst from his Hi Point carbine. " Mr Peepers " He's the squirrelly guy with a spotting scope who, without being asked, tries to spot your shots while you are practicing. He loudly announces that you've got "Maggies Drawers" at 300 meters. Where upon you pull out a real spotting scope, and show him all shots in the black. Gee, that $25 Chicom spotting scope wasn't such a deal after all. " The Stinkeye " This is the guy who looks at everyone else as if they are about to bushwhack him. Keeps a loaded pistol on his hip at all times and never fires the last few rounds in his rifle's magazine in case someone pounces upon him as soon as they see the bolt remain open. Usually leaves shortly after anyone else shows up at the range in a fit, probably to go home and beat his wife. He drives a beat up windowless van and has tattoos all over. This fellow might make a hasty retreat from any range where police show up to shoot. He won't talk to you, ever. " The Off-Duty Cop " This is the jackass who wears his badge clipped to his belt at the range. Usually a reserve-deputy or mall cop, he will invariably be shooting the gun he thinks his department should have issued him instead of a .40-cal S&W. Likes to tell it how it REALLY is out there on the streets, and pass out advice. " Kit Carson " Anyone wearing a ``period'' costume. Usually some sort of cowboy getup, but the mountain man rendezvous crowd gets the nod here as well. If you try asking about the cool break-top revolver they're shooting, they will insist on talking to you ``in character'' and will likely introduce themselves as ``The Tequila Kid'' or a similar moniker. " Punkus Yohooligus ": A young male who comes to the range with two or three identical friends. In cities they dress like gang members with baggy jail pants and in rural areas they wear the scarecrow's hand-me-downs. Getting 24" groups at 10 yards is a proud accomplishment. Their vocabulary consists of "Jew see that?" and "You got 'em good." They can usually close their 10 yard group down to 10" with a rifle. ".22 Magoo " Usually older gentlemen who are shooting .22LR pistols. They get visibly upset when a shooter comes in shooting anything larger than 9mm. Their groups are good with a firing rate of 1 round every 5 minutes. They will leave the range if your rapid fire groups are better than their (amazingly) slow fire groups. A $1 box of .22LR will last them three to four years. " Beltfed Joe ." Shows up knowing they are the envy of every one. Upon unloaded the gun every one "volunteers" to help unload the 5 or 6 cases of belted ammo, and all accessories just for a chance to get to touch it. " Wolf Ammo Andrew ." Arrives at range with nothing but combloc weapons. You can ID them by the odd Ammonia and Sulfur smell permanently attached to their clothing. Amazingly they have 2-3 times the amount of ammo as every one else. The only statement that pisses them off is "That lacquer shit is crap" " Shoot Doggy Dawg " Heavy laden with gold chains and frayed baggy pants, this character shows up with a bunch of similarly clad 'homies'. They generally share a Lorcin among them, if they managed to buy proper ammo. Shoot Doggy will demonstrate proper stance and mental state of mind as he jabs the Lorcin forward with each shot because it makes it more menacing. Likewise, his Lorcin will be held sideways and overhead, some believe this is to aid in extraction during a jam, but most think its just stupidity. When he shows up at the range, he's not there to shoot, but to 'bust caps'. " Prometheus Explosivus " A very regional and rare one, this character is easily mistaken for a Russian soldier. He is known for blowing up cars, refrigerators and washing machines while standing in close proximity. You may see him raising his arms above his head and screaming "YYYEESSSSSSSS!!!!" as the shock wave, flames, and shrapnel fly past him at insane speeds. He lives for destruction, and will only pose for pictures while engulfed in smoking ruin. <--- This one'd be me " Fredsanford legendarius " Another local one, known for self portraits, bad suits, purple shotguns and old Cadillacs. He owns property and planed a cigarette shop. He loves his sister, no- he really LOVES his sister, and is more legend than reality. He's now a movie star. Fredsanford legendarius only qualifies as a gun owner because of his humor value, and wouldn't last five minutes if he actually showed up a range. " NeverHearuscommandus " That's the newbie range member who never stops shooting after the command to "cease fire" command is given. The "deer in the headlights" look after the range officer taps him on the shoulder................PRICELESS! " Trappus Snobbicus ": Easily identifiable with a Baretta shotgun, and the only people you will see wearing a smartly pressed shooting vest with an ironed plaid shirt, or other collared shirt. Will proudly display their shotgun for you. Often times their eyes will roll up into their heads as they demonstrate their Baretta's 'silky smooth action'. " Competitive Snob " -- Often confused with "Mister Authoritative" because observed behaviors are similar between the two. Does posess intrinsic natural shooting abilities, but believes that his abilities are superior to those of all others. Arrives at the range in either a: 1) Suburban; 2) GM full size 4x4 pickup; 3) F250 or F350. Diesel is optional. Large vehicle is needed to haul around 15 to 20 years of shooting trophies, deservedly won, as this species can shoot. Eyeballs everyone already at the range for having the audacity of being there when he wants to the range to himself, and for their sorry lack of mind reading abilities to know that he was going to be there at 10:42 AM. Unloads rifle with care, it's a Remchester in a) 25-06; b) 30-06; c) 7mm-08, d) 308; or e) any of the new Short Magnum chambering, sporting a bull barrel, synthetic stock and a scope the size of an AT-4 launcher. The obligatory Swarovski spotting scope is sufficiently powerful to view comfortably the volcanic craters on the Jupiter moon Io, and costs more than the collective value of all weapons owned by everyone else at the range. His range boxes (two or three Plano tackle boxes, largest made) are covered with NRA, Camp Perry, etc. stickers. Has a USMC shooting jacket, but likely spent 20 to 25 years in the local Nasty Guard unit, rising to E-5. After spending 1.5 hours unloading the vehicle and loading the bench, he looks around, scowling at the others as if to inform them that it is time for them to leave HIS range. Vocabulary is limited to "X-ring," "pressure signs," "damn bullet hose," and "worthless surplus junk." His opinions and attitude are a product of at one time having a steady shower of hot steel 7.62x39 cases (lacquered, of course) fall about his head and shoulders and down the neck of his T-shirt, and once having arm hair singed off by the fireball of an M44 Mosin fired at the station beside him. May or may not have been a SEAL in Vietnam, depending on level of personal insecurity. Doesn't mingle with the unwashed at the range, just wants them to leave so that he can take 90 minutes to shoot his 5-shot group in peace and then leave. " Quietus Arsenalium (AKA FluidFire)" Quetus shows up in any american made car with a large trunk, and proceeds to unload hard cases and targets for the next hour and a half. Usually brings his own lunch and liquid refreshments (water or Gatorade, in a plastic canteen). Fabricates his own 1 1/2" metal swing targets out of old hardened bulldozer blades so there is some feedback when he shoots his tricked out 300 Win Mag or 22-250 at 300 yards, as spotting scopes are for 'sissies'. Never having shot a factory-made round, Quietus spends all winter long loading ammunition for his various bolt and semi-auto rifles and handguns, so he can have a summer supply, although Queitus enjoys using the range during thunderstorms and blizzards just because he knows no one else will be there! Quietus is known to have crafted several Ghillie suits from scratch, and usually has one for every season coloration in his closet. Quietus normally has 3-5 times the amount of money wrapped up in guns, ammo, shooting supplies, and reloading supplies than in cars and all other personal belongings combined. Intricately knowing every weapon in and out, he has no favorites, as "every gun has it's purpose, and all of them will get the job done." (except Jennings and HiPoints, which are the scourge of the earth.) " Plinkus Maximus " : An individual who arrives at the gun range carrying an ungodly amount of ammunition, (usually for several different firearms) and then proceeds to fire all of it, just because he likes to hear the gun go "bang!" |
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none fit
suppose i'm closest to beltfed joe or the explosion guy.................. |
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Plinkus Maximus right here.
I usually leave with over a 1000 rounds of ammo. None of it returns. |
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I cant pin myself into a single category. Plinkus Maximus is the closest to me, Im definitely not a precision shooter, and there is something magical about shooting more ammo than walmart carries in stock in a single range session
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none fit except maybe "Quietus Arsenalium" but that is only because it fits my philosophy and behavior, but not the reloading my own ammo or making ghille suits part.
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I find most of the characterizations to be unfair and insulting. Whoever put this together is no friend of the shooting community. We have enough problems with the stereotyping of our community by the left that we don't need a long-winded screed such as this put forward by our own side. Whoever put this together ought to have his favorite firearms shoved sideways up his ass.
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So true, so true... |
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I see you had a humorectomy. |
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This is one highly entertaining aspect of going to the range. I bring an ammo can or two full of 5.56.. Leave with a few more empty storage containers. |
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Tag for more laughs later when I have time to finish reading it
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<------ Would have to be sarge. But will use foreign made rifles and am willing to talk to young punks.
Nothing fits me perfectly but more like Regularus shooterus....A guy that oves firearms and those that also love them. Willing to help anyone that asks but realizes he doesn't know everything. Has only a few firearms because that is all he NEEDS and spends about $100-$150 in ammo per visit. Does not go to the range every weekend, but makes the most of when he goes. Has as much fun taking someone else and never firing a shot while watching his noob friend enjoy themself as if he had fired every round. |
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That'd be me! I would bring like 1000rd of Wolf cartridges per caliber and like to hear it go bang. If the range only allows single loads or 5-6 loads per mag, I shoot for accuracy. if its a "load em up!" range, I shoot for accuracy and mostly to hear it go bang. I call it a function check. I don't own all com bloc weapons though, they're mostly modern firearms with polymer somewhere on the firearm. I've had neighboring shooters look at me with their jaw open: at the sheer number of spent cases around my area. I always clean it up during the cease fire though. |
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"Quietus Arsenalium" is close. Lots of guns come with me, I reload, I bring my own drinks, and I can pack more guns and ammo than you would expect into the trunk of an Eclipse. I hate having to buy factory ammo too!
No self made steel targets yet though. |
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I thought it was funny as hell! |
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No idea what I would be. I usually show up to the range with about 300 rounds of 45 ACP for my G21. Grab a stack of targets then do dbl taps and headshots for about an hour. I reaload my Self defense ammo into my mags, clean up my area and then go home
what would that make me? |
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there ya go! |
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Me too, although I do have 1 lonely marlin 336 and bolt .22 in my closet full of SKS's, please note no aftermarket hang on crap here. |
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Sounds like you spend more time on the range checking out and judging other people than shooting.
I watch for safety hazards but couldn't give two shits what someone's wearing or what they are shooting.....as long as its going down range. |
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Mental note: Do not go shooting with Will. G |
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" Wolf Ammo Andrew ." Arrives at range with nothing but combloc weapons. You can ID them by the odd Ammonia and Sulfur smell permanently attached to their clothing. Amazingly they have 2-3 times the amount of ammo as every one else. The only statement that pisses them off is "That lacquer shit is crap" That's me. |
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I guess I'm the range noob, due to shooting for years on private land and only recently having forced to become assimilated into "ragne culture" Funny though , I can pinpoint many of our hometown & GA guys on that list. |
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my wife says I am closest to sarge, but damn I'm not that old hug.gif
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[Sgt. Hulka] Lighten up, Francis. [Sgt. Hulka] You know you have seen people that fit some of these descriptions at public ranges. We all have. I always end up near the "Old Codger". |
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That's me. Perfectly. |
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When I first started shooting I fell into the Mullets R us category. Had an SKS with a pin on brake and a Camaro but no mullet. I would like to think I have eveolved. Part of me still leans toward Wolf Ammo Andrew with all the AK's and SKS's I have.
What really counts is I love my AR more! |
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Is that any way to talk about Billy? |
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If it weren't for my darling wife choking off my "money for guns" supply, I'd be Quietus writ large. If I'm at a range and you are thirsty, ask. I'll probably have one cooler full of ammo and the other full of water and soda.
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Like the other responses, none really fits, but this is the closest. Not sure why a lot of ammunition would be ungodly. edit: I do sweep my area during the cease fires |
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"Wolf Ammo Andrew ." Arrives at range with nothing but combloc weapons. You can
ID them by the odd Ammonia and Sulfur smell permanently attached to their clothing. Amazingly they have 2-3 times the amount of ammo as every one else. The only statement that pisses them off is "That lacquer shit is crap" this is about as close as it came.... |
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" Plinkus Maximus " : An individual who arrives at the gun range carrying
an ungodly amount of ammunition, (usually for several different firearms) and then proceeds to fire all of it, just because he likes to hear the gun go "bang!" Closest thing to me, I guess. Aside from my stock of 5.56, I generally shoot all the ammo I bring with me. - BG |
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" Plinkus Maximus " : An individual who arrives at the gun range carrying
an ungodly amount of ammunition, (usually for several different firearms) and then proceeds to fire all of it, just because he likes to hear the gun go "bang!" me! |
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Performed by a proctologist. |
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Quietus Arsenalium. Only I shoot factory made ammo. And I keep my ghille suit in a large tupperware box in the corner, not in a closet.
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" Plinkus Maximus " that would be me, or the closest fit anyway.
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