I don't write 'em, I just pass 'em along.

-A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

-Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

-Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

-Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

-A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

-A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

-Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

-Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

-Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

-Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

-Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

-When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

-What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

-In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

-She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

-A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

-If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

-Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat
minor.

-When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

-The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

-A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

-You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

-Every calendar's days are numbered.

-A lot of money is tainted - It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

-A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

-He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

-Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

-Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

-Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

-Acupuncture is a jab well done.