Posted: 5/23/2002 6:06:08 PM EST
Here enjoy this fable.
One day 3 black bears sat down to eat organic whole wheat porridge in their new cabin made out of recyled trash. It had a natural gas ovem, heat pump, garbage disposal, and running water. Wow! talk about modern.
Anyway, the bears were releated in the Mother-Father-Son relationship. Junior was elementary school age. They decided to take a walk through the surrounding second growth forest.
"Let's go walking. Come along Junior and bring your recon binoculars. Can't be too careful." Papa Bear announced.
Now let me tell you these bears were hard core survivialists. Their cabin had an underground fully stocked Y2K approved bomb shelter. They also had a fully stocked weapons vault with Class 3, shotguns, handguns, rifles, bows, dynamite, grenades, tear gas and over 48,000 rounds of ammunition. Plus Papa Bear always kept a camper's hatchet and pepper spray by his bead. Junior had a spiked baseball bat for nighttime burglar protection. Mama Bear kept a loaded sawed off Remington model 1100 12 gauge under her side of the bed. This is in addition to numerous booby traps.
Like in the Hardees Commercials, Mama Bear said "If you're gonna go, go all out!" And she meant it!
They went out on their walk. It took one mile and was moderately strenuous.
When they returned home their booby traps had been set off. First the intruder had fallen into a shallow Punji stake pit. Then the oil pale over the front door ahd been triggered and a scalding person was running around. The intruder's tracks lead to the adult bear's bedroom.
"SHH! I think I see the perpitrator. Get me my M-16,a couple clips, and one flashbang, Junior." Mama Bear hissed.
Junior obeyed with alacrity. He even brought a fragmentation grenade each for himself and Papa Bear.
Mama Bear took a flak jacket and put it on. Then she jacked up her M-16 rifle and turned it on full automatic. Tossing in the flash bang she stormed in, seeing the outline of a young woman.
"You lose! (Mama then cuts loose with 30 rounds) Break into our home, punk? Not without a proper welcom! We always welcome our guests!" Mama Bear roared and cackled.
The woman, then full of holes, jumped out the window and collapsed.
"Let's throw her in the lake quick, Maw." Papa Bear instructed.
"No! Let's eat her, Dad. A tender young vegan like that ougtta taste pretty good." Junior protested.
"No. We'd get lead poisioning. Let's go, Maw. Hurry." Papa Bear replied firmly.
MORAL OF THE STORY? Do Not Enter Uninvited Into An Armed Bear's House.
Wrote this a few years ago.