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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:37:38 AM EDT
[#1]
Just tell him..."It's not you it's me"![BD]
BigDozer66 |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:41:25 AM EDT
[#2]
let your BF answer his call next time.. have him say that "She's "busy" right now and can't come to the phone" [:D]
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:41:47 AM EDT
[#3]
Homeboy is obviously hanging around, and making himself available if it doesn't work out between you and your dude. Men are used to rejection. Make it known that it wouldn't work even if you were not involved... Besides, he's exhibiting stalking behavior.
Alternately, tell him his train is boarding...at another station. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:41:59 AM EDT
[#4]
Just ignore him and he'll get the message. If he manages to get past your screening, give him an obviously bullshit excuse like the classic "I've got to wash my hair" or "I was about to call my mother." If those things have higher priority than a friend, only the densest guy wouldn't get the message.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:47:38 AM EDT
[#5]
.45 and a shovel.
Seriously though, I agree with having your BF answer the phone a few times. Not saying anything nasty, but just saying you are not available. Good luck. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:48:12 AM EDT
[#6]
Just say, "Look, I've thought it over and don't really see any potential for a long term relationship here. It would be best if we just cut it off here. I wish you well. Good bye."
Otherwise, he'll keep hanging around. Desperate guys are extremely slow to pick up on hints. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:48:39 AM EDT
[#7]
Sometimes even the most compex problems have simple soultions..Ahem..
Take your pick: 1. Wish him the best of luck with his relationship woes and inform him pleasantly but firmly that his calls are inappropriate since you have a boyfriend. 2. Next time he calls, have boyfriend answer the phone and inform him pleasantly but firmly that his calls are inappropriate. 3. Have aunt tell her friend to tell her son pleasantly but firmly, to back off. 4. Next time he calls, in a pleasant but firm manner, fire off an air horn into the handset. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:48:53 AM EDT
[#8]
Yeah... my boyfriend wanted to answer the phone. ::wry grin::
He's one of those guys who thinks men and women can't really be friends because the guy always wants to get with the girl on some level. We've reached a compromise regarding my long time guy friends, though. Also, he said he called today to see if I'm going to my aunt's party on Saturday night. My aunt actually put the event together to introduce me to people my age that live here so I can't back out. My BF can't go because he's working that night but I have been honest with him about the fact that I will run into this guy at social functions... can't be avoided. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:50:05 AM EDT
[#9]
You need to be blunt...
Plain and simple... Just talking to him makes him think there is just a hint of interest on your part... If there is only 1 chance in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 of getting in your pants, sure as hell this guy will keep it up... |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:53:28 AM EDT
[#10]
explosives.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:56:34 AM EDT
[#11]
Shoot his nuts off.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:57:17 AM EDT
[#12]
Be honest
Why dont you just take his next call and state the following. I have gotten back with my boyfreind and I dont think we should call each other anymore. No hard feelings I hope, Its just not going to work out. Thanks . Click |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 6:57:48 AM EDT
[#13]
This guy's self esteem can't get much lower. He's become an expert at lying......to himself.
This can be dangerous. Have the boyfriend be polite and firm. Do not talk to him yourself, he has filters on his hearing and all his other senses. Hopefully he will turn to another friend for support but until he wakes up.....he's like a drunk on a bender. edit: as a "drunk" every word or gesture or acknowledgment from you is a drink. Not your fault entirely but you're poison to this guy and maybe vice versa. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:03:33 AM EDT
[#14]
Quoted: He's one of those guys who thinks men and women can't really be friends because the guy always wants to get with the girl on some level. [bigbrother to4sisters mode on] And this aunts' friends' son guy is proving his point every time he calls.[:D] You are adding to it by not answering. Guys [b]always[/b] 'want to get with the girl on some level', its what we do. We've reached a compromise regarding my long time guy friends, though. You reached a compromise, he still thinks what you stated in the above comment. *IF you dont want this to become a major issue with the BF, you have to cut this guy off at the knees. It goes against the kinder genteel side of your feminine nature, but is mandatory to peace. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:03:36 AM EDT
[#15]
Just be honest. Tell him that you are in a relationship and that his phone calls are causing you grief. If he doesn't catch the clue train you can adjust your attitude from friendly to brutal as you see fit. Good luck.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:04:16 AM EDT
[#16]
Attn: WOMEN
HINTS DO NOT WORK ON GUYS! Be blunt but dont be mean. this: 1. Wish him the best of luck with his relationship woes and inform him pleasantly but firmly that his calls are inappropriate since you have a boyfriend. is a bad idea. I asked a girl out, didnt say no and didnt say yes. She said she needed some time, I backed off. She said no a few weeks later in this manner "HEY B_E!!!!! Hows it going!!! I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, #####" Talk about ouch. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:06:11 AM EDT
[#17]
Dumb and Dumber: Lloyd: "I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!" Mary: "What?" Lloyd: "No, I mean... What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me getting together?" Mary: "I'd say... not good." Lloyd: "Like... one in a hundred?" Mary: "More like... one in a million." Lloyd: "Soooo... you're saying there's a chance!" ::Lloyd gets all excited:: Haha, don't beat around the bush with the guy, you'd be surprised at how dense some of us guys can be. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:06:51 AM EDT
[#18]
When you care enough to send the very best...
Nothing says "go away" like a restraining order. -Z |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:08:50 AM EDT
[#19]
Tell this guy that you and your BF got back together in order to cope with the recent discovery that he has herpes.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:14:33 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: Quoted: He's one of those guys who thinks men and women can't really be friends because the guy always wants to get with the girl on some level. We've reached a compromise regarding my long time guy friends, though. You reached a compromise, he still thinks what you stated in the above comment. So where's the line? I understand that my BF isn't comfortable with me maintaining a friendship with someone where there was a romantic pretense at any time. But how many of y'all aren't/wouldn't be comfortable with your girlfriend/wife having close male friends? |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:15:14 AM EDT
[#21]
Quoted: I answered at first... heck, I was bored ::shrug::.. and gave him my honest opinion.. "You're a train wreck... Since you are a trainwreck specialist,I give you my opinion and two options. I think he (the caller) should be told, in a polite but firm way, that you would appreciate if he did not call you and that he is creating problems between you and your BF. I do not think it should be your BF who does this so your two options are: 1)you tell him! [:)] 2)I tell him for you! [;)] |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:21:52 AM EDT
[#22]
Have sex with him. He'll never call again because he's "been real busy." I've used this pathetic excuse myself, I'm ashamed to admit.
Seriously, you've got to level with the guy, and be completely clear that you're done with him, you've moved on, and you're not interested in talking to him again. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:29:18 AM EDT
[#23]
ask him if he wants to go deer hunting and wants to wear the dear suit for the decoy. And the antlers are just for effect.
Seriously, this is stalking type behaivor and he needs to be put in his place by someone.....since you have told him your boy friend did not appreaciate him calling. By you telling him this you are agreeing with your boy friend or you wouold not have passed the message along. And the fool continues the behavior. He has been told by you not bother you any more. This is not required under the law for stalking. I feel a nice Police man in a direct way could make him understand the thin ice he is verturing on to. In these cases any one who has been in a situation like this or been a police officer will tell you unless you take direct action this person will not stop so..........Do what you have to do, but stay safe. The only person who can take action on this is you and do not worry about his feelings I have an idea he has had some one all ready explain to him what stalking is before. If he has told you all about his wreck of a life you would know better than anyone on this board. Or the board members could all email him for you Ya know :) and explain it to him, just kidding. I still like the deer suit idea. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:29:39 AM EDT
[#24]
Is your name really Elizabeth? I still want to know why you went from being so interested then all of the sudden nothing. It pisses me off that you can't just be honest with me. Oh wait...thinking of something else!
Honestly, you need to be honest with him but use tact and not be rude about it. Tell him you are not interested and you and your ex got back together. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:31:18 AM EDT
[#25]
Quoted: I think he (the caller) should be told, in a polite but firm way, that you would appreciate if he did not call you and that he is creating problems between you and your BF. That's what my BF said I should do. And that's what I did! He said that was stupid and just kept talking.... [rolleyes] 2)I tell him for you! [;)] I'll email you his phone number, dad! [:D] |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:31:56 AM EDT
[#26]
Why don't you just tell him??
Sounds like BF has some real "issues", and insecurities too...... |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:33:32 AM EDT
[#27]
Agreed with the fact that we, as a gender, don't take hints well. The first question you need to ask yourself is whether you actually *do* want to remain friends and, if so, accept that it might not be a possibility in the end. When it comes to women, even the biggest schlub believes that where there's life, there's hope.
If you want to remain friends, call *him* and meet him alone for coffee/lunch (daytime, big crowd). Explain in brutally simple terms that you want to make things work with your b/f and that your "friend's" constant calling is causing problems. Take it a step further and tell him *bluntly* that you have no romantic interest in him. Absolutely get him to admit that - add, "You know that, right?" or something and *make* him give a black-&-white response (i.e. "Yes, I know that.") or make him repeat the damned sentence (i.e. "There is no hope of any romance between myself and Miss Magnum, ever."). It's going to beat the snot out of his ego, but you need to leave a mark. Once he verbally accepts *that* fact, get the same response from him about not calling so much/anymore (your choice but be honest). While he's in "radio silence", he'll be in hell if he really has feelings for you (if he doesn't, he'll lick his wounds and move on). Knowing that, you'd better give him an out. "Don't call/email/visit me anymore/more than twice a week/not for 3 weeks from today/whatever." Figure that out before "the talk". If you *don't* want to remain friends (how long have you know this guy, anyway?)... Hell, call and leave a message on his machine, telling him he needs to stop calling - NOW. He's a nice enough guy but he's creeping you out and his company really isn't welcome. Then mention both your b/f and the hordes of adoring, evil-black-gun-toting male fans on ARFCom. [;)] You realize that, if I have a daughter, the advice will change to , "Just let me talk to him, sweetie. Are his neighbors nosy? Does he have a back door to his house?" |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:33:47 AM EDT
[#28]
I would be honest... with your AUNT. I would explain the situation and ask her what SHE thinks, since she seems to be the part of the equation standing between you and the "not if you were the last man on the planet" conversation.
Use the boyfriend answering the phone as the last resort. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:36:23 AM EDT
[#29]
Quoted: But how many of y'all aren't/wouldn't be comfortable with your girlfriend/wife having close male friends? I'm fine with my finace having close male friends. No worries or insecurities until she gives me a reason to be worried or insecure. Edited to add: I'm going to go read the technical forums now. [:)] |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:39:15 AM EDT
[#30]
direct, firm, but polite.
if that doesn't work ask for your aunt to intervene. then consider reporting him to the phone company and pressing for harassment charges. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 7:39:34 AM EDT
[#31]
How do you nicely get rid of a male friend?
tell him to F off it's the only language guys understand. son of my aunt's friend... doesn't make a damn. you owe HIM the courtesy of a 100% sure as shit answer. in the future don't play games with people or go out if you are bored. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:14:19 AM EDT
[#32]
Ah, the frail male ego. You've got yourself in a pickle now MM. [:D]
on the one side, the "guy friend that won't take the hint," and on the other side a newly reaquainted B/F that has his own insecurity issues. Let them duke it out. Hopefully your B/F wins, reclaims his manhood, and sends what he perceives and the threatening suiter off running with his tail between his legs. It works for lions. [:D] Make sure you video tape it. Seriously though, I think you are being too nice. The "friend" obviously has no regard to the fact that he's possibly messing up your relationship with your boyfriend. I'd tell him strait out not to call you anymore. Explain the situation to your Aunt. I'm sure she'll understand. As far as your boyfriend, I dunno what to tell you, other than insecurity is a big part of being a male in most species on this planet. It's that whole "survival of the fittest" thing. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:18:09 AM EDT
[#33]
Quoted: Yeah... my boyfriend wanted to answer the phone. ::wry grin:: He's one of those guys who thinks men and women can't really be friends because the guy always wants to get with the girl on some level. We've reached a compromise regarding my long time guy friends, though. he's right. And your longtime friends, whether they told you so or not, want in your pants just as much as the poor bastard on the phone. In terms of your original question, heaven forbid you be honest with the guy? "I'm seeing someone, and I don't think we should talk anymore. You can call if you want, but I'm not answering the phone anymore." Pretty simple. And ya'll wonder why there's so many whiney threads on here from guys that don't understand women. Maybe it's because you can't be straight up? |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:28:45 AM EDT
[#34]
Geeze....if been dumped a few times.....try this!
Next time he calls with boyfriend present, answer phone and politely tell him that you are now back together with ex-boyfriend and these continued calls are putting you in an awkward position with said boyfriend. You think he is a swell guy and all but that you knew there was no spark and that things were not going to work out from the first date and that if you did something to make him believe you were interested in more than a friendship, you are sorry. He obviously wants more than a friendship and you cannot provide that. Wish him the best of luck in finding Mrs Right and tell him that you need to use all your spare time re-establishing and strengthening relationship with newly forgiven boyfriend. If he doesn't get the message by then, you take it up a notch and tell him flat out that he please not call or contact you anymore. Hopefully this will work. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:31:50 AM EDT
[#35]
Miss Magnum,
In all mens hearts, hope lives eternal. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:36:08 AM EDT
[#36]
wow
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:39:26 AM EDT
[#37]
I don't think anyone is under any obligation to "get the message". Dropping hints and dodging phonecalls is for teenagers. (No offense intended).
TELL the guy to go away. In the long run you're doing him a favor..... he'll have no choice but to get on with his life. I was in the exact opposite of this situation: a gal-pal maintained our "friendship" or months to keep from being bored.... until she found a Fabio-lookalike to date. CKMorley |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:40:20 AM EDT
[#38]
Solution is actually quite simple...
Post his phone numbers and email address here and call for a fire mission. I think that you have enough dads/big brothers here that would be willing to chat with the young man. Perhaps enlightening his views on how to respect a lady's desires. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:40:55 AM EDT
[#39]
"I've really enjoyed the time/talking with you, but I think I've met *the one*, and have to follow my dreams. Good luck to you."
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:46:48 AM EDT
[#40]
Sleep with him
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:48:56 AM EDT
[#41]
no matter how you handle it, i really have to wonder what he sees in you.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:50:20 AM EDT
[#42]
Your aunt's friend knows this guy is a weiner as evidenced by the fact that she set him up with her friend's neice. Everyone tells him to take a hike - don't for a second think you are the only chick in the world he has stalked. Put on your best bored-bitch voice and nag him everytime he calls. Scold him about the time he calls, the day he calls, the volume of the ring, etc. He will go away.
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:53:19 AM EDT
[#43]
I disagree with blaming the reason for not wanting to talk on your relationship with your boyfriend. For me, this man sounds like a loser and, boyfriend or not, I wouldn't give him the time of day.
I would initiate a call, specifically for the purpose of telling him that you find his attentions undesirable and unwanted and that regardless of any current situation you may have with another man, you would not consider anything with him. Unless of course you feel otherwise. It is a big mistake at any point to give any indication to any man that you might be interested when you are not. A bad day with only myself for company beats any good day with a man I don't enjoy. I have had too many dates that ended up with me trying to find a reason to end the date before the main course even arrived. That said, my best friend is probably my boyfriend. Friendship is the basis for any solid relationship. We really like one another. However, my next best friend is another man. My boyfriend has no reason to be insecure about anything I may do with the other friend, simply because he is confident as a man, and in our relationship. TT [wave] |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:57:51 AM EDT
[#44]
Miss Magnum, your BF is dead-on right about guys and gals being "friends". A guy is your friend for one of two reasons:
1) He's gay. 2) He wants in your pants at some point in the future. If this guy's not #1, and you don't want #2 from him, KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB! |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 8:58:37 AM EDT
[#45]
Quoted: to give any indication to any man that you might be interested when you are not. Don't know what the "T" stands for, but how some guys have steel balls, you have titanium ovaries! ::thumbs up |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 9:03:56 AM EDT
[#46]
Quoted: Quoted: to give any indication to any man that you might be interested when you are not. Don't know what the "T" stands for, but how some guys have steel balls, you have titanium ovaries! ::thumbs up [rofl]HAHA, well it's no secret it use to mean tits, (it was a joke), however because it was found to be offensive, it was changed to T, which is also the first initial of my name. Thanks for the huge compliment! TT [wave] |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 9:13:22 AM EDT
[#47]
Quoted: Miss Magnum, your BF is dead-on right about guys and gals being "friends". A guy is your friend for one of two reasons: 1) He's gay. 2) He wants in your pants at some point in the future. If this guy's not #1, and you don't want #2 from him, KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB! Oh please, I have quite a few friends who are female that I'd never (even in a drunken stupor) want to sleep with. And no, I'm not gay. Some of you hornballs [;)] need to just get some standards. Granted, I wouldn't be surprised if, as a general rule, lots of men were like you described... but I can't be the only guy who doesn't want to screw every female I'm friends with. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 9:20:07 AM EDT
[#48]
Quoted: Oh please, I have quite a few friends who are female that I'd never (even in a drunken stupor) want to sleep with. And no, I'm not gay. One of these statements is bullshit. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 9:48:49 AM EDT
[#49]
Do not go to that party, UNLESS your BF is on your arm. It sends all the wrong messages if you are there alone.
On edit: Stop trying to please everyone. This is YOUR life and this guy is screwing it up. Either avoid him completely (some telephone companies allow you to selectively block specific numbers - block his), or be blunt and direct with no artifice. Tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone. |
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Posted: 6/19/2003 10:02:08 AM EDT
[#50]
Quoted: Quoted: Oh please, I have quite a few friends who are female that I'd never (even in a drunken stupor) want to sleep with. And no, I'm not gay. One of these statements is bullshit. Care to place some $$ down to test this theory? I'll be glad to disprove you and take your money. Actually, I already have disproved this in the past, but I assume you would need fresh data, heh. Bring it on. |
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