The Super Bowl
For all the visitors, from other than Michigan, coming to the Super Bowl in January....
1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's De-TROIT. NOT, DEE-troit.
If you pro-nounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here
for the country Music hoe-down.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray!
3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from
3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open
4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly
shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going across the intersection. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.
5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area.
That goes for Gratiot too.
6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge and
The Southfield Freeways are a way of life and forever. Just deal with it.
7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a
factory defect or they are "out-of-towners"
8. All old men (or women) with white hair, wearing a hat and who flip
you off have total right-of-way.
9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of
the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and
don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!
10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental.
DO NOT get out of your car to take pictures.
11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says "Keep honking, I'm reloading", they really are!
12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you duck.
13. I-275 and I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
14. It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge".
15. Michigan might be the gateway to the great lake but THAT's not one
of them, it's a pothole.
16. If someone tells you, "It's on Outer Drive", you better hope you have a map.
17. The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make another left, then make a right when you get
back to the intersection where you wanted to turn left in the first place.
NOW you have gone left.
18. And those 2 really ugly arches over Telegraph???? DON'T EVEN ASK!!
WE DON'T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!
WELCOME, ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS
That brings back memories from when I used to live there. Every single one of those is true...except I did the Michigan left different. To go left I would turn right, then go a 1/4 mile and turn left twice and then I would be heading back through the intersection I initially wanted to go left at. I actually miss that because it greatly speeds up traffic as there is never any traffic sitting and waiting for the left turn light to finish.
"Say nice things about Detroit. or we'll kill you. "
The bumber sticker about reloading...it's true!
I'm surprised that nobody has burned down Tiger Stadium yet.
Where on Telegraph are those arches?
Tele and I94
True stuff is the funniest. That was funny as hell!
To you Michigan drivers visiting Toledo:
1. It's Tulee-duh.
2. Remember the traffic rules you learned years ago (if you can still remember them). People actually get cited here.
3. Businesses have run - not walked - out of Toledo. There is no rush hour.
4. Red light cameras work, and they're evil sonsabitches.
5. Nevada and Oregon can only be pronounced correctly by a native of the Toledo metro area.
6. The Ohio state flower is an orange road cone. The state bush is an orange barrel. We're not much different from Michigan in this regard, so you should feel right at home. Enjoy your stay.
7. If someone isn't using their turn signal, there's a cop nearby jacking himself off while reaching for his ticket book.
8. The old men and women with white hair are sitting below the sterring wheel. In fact, sometimes we're not even sure if there's somebody piloting the vehicle.
9. Slow down. While we all love and adore the "American Autobahn" that is Michigan, our bored state police don't seem to share the same sentiment. They are loney, desparate men who become aroused at the prospect of citing a driver with blue plates.
10. There are no tourist destinations in Toledo worth visiting in areas that have bars on the windows. Come to think of it, we're really not sure why you decided to visit in the first place. You made a wrong turn somewhere. You poor bastard.
11. If you stare at other drivers, they will become nervous and speed off. Honestly, I don't really see a down side.
12. If you are in the left lane and doing 85, people are not waving because they are so friendly in Toledo. They are signaling other drivers to watch the Michigander get pulled over by the trooper at mile marker 59.
13. We don't have a version of NASCAR per se, other than the persistent black & white pace cars. We never seem to get the green and are always under caution. Ya, it sucks.
15. If someone tells you "It's on nuhvay-duh", refer to #5.
16. We're round on the ends and high in the middle. Ya, I think it's as ghey as you do.